Create space for self-love

IMG_3943

Today I had a session with a highly sensitive lady who changed her appointment to a videoskype session. Since she experienced several coaching and rebirthing sessions in my practice in The Hague she felt at ease with the idea. And the session was awesome. Especially the breathing-and-expressing-the-sound-of-her-soul part. It connected her with her emotional body and during and afterwards she was able to connect with the pain. She let her tears roll down her face.

Along this intense emotional process she is developing herself as a relax and relief masseuse. At the moment she is building up her practice. As I told another highly sensitive lady coming in for her first session today. When you choose to be guided by me you choose for inner growth and putting everything you learn into practice. These are two processes which are intertwined. When you feel relieved by having expressed sadness, anger and fear you create more space for self-love and the need to do what feels good.

So back to the sweet lady who is building up her practice as a relax and relief masseuse. She got into a burnout two years ago. Since then she is out of work and before she started coaching and rebirthing with me she had reached a very low point. She felt lost. During the sessions we spoke about her family and the culture she is from. In the family she grew up were a lot of fights. Both parents lost control often and this resulted in physical abuse of the kids. She has a strong and loving soul. While many of her siblings and cousins act out their frustrations on there children and their partners she turned her frustrations into actions out of love to support her family.

The negative energy she had absorbed from her parents and family was turned inwards. She overthinks, feels insecure and is afraid to show her true self.

So this is the main focus of our sessions: to release all sadness, anger and fear and refill her with lots of self-love. And while she is going through this intense, but satisfying process life reflects her inner growth. She feels secure enough to ask for a compensation for her massages even though she is the stage of practicing and gaining experience. She is conscious of negative family-energy and is still finding a way to distance herself from it. She is working on an intimate relationship with her partner.

In conclusion: she is on her way to experiencing a 100% of self-love. And on this journey she is also on her way to build the life she desires.

Yeah! She is doing it.

For more information on my work as a life coach for highly sensitive people please visit my website: Orchid of Life ~ HSP Coaching & Rebirthing 

Advertisements

Receive the sound of your soul

Over the past month I’ve guided highly sensitive women to receive the sound of their soul during rebirthing sessions. It’s that “Aaah” sound pushed forward by contracting the abdominal muscles. It has been an amazing journey hearing different soul-sounds. After several tries each and everyone of them carried out their sound effortlessly. All of them struggle in their own way with their highly sensitive identity.

  • What do I feel?
  • Who am I?
  • What do I want?

These are highly sensitive woman who struggle with the following topics:

  • Knowing what your added value can be within an organization, but finding it difficult to share what you feel about workload and pressure and deadlines
  • Being burnout with severe physical symptoms and still questioning if you’re allowed to be sick
  • In love: being able to imagine the possible pain of your partner which holds you back of choosing for yourself and being heartbroken of breaking up with the person you were in love with
  • Having no place to rest and be yourself
  • Feeling responsible for someone else’s problem

What makes them struggle? It’s because they feel, think and act out of pain. Pain of their parents to which they were exposed when they were a child and pain which was caused in them. The pain is a mixture of sadness, anger and fear. It’s the pain which makes them behave like their parents expect them to behave.

Rebirthing is a simple breathing technique which connects people with their body, with their own energy. During the process they will slowly rediscover their own energy. The one which can be described as inner peace, wisdom, strength and calmness. During the first phase the attention goes out to process every emotion which covers your own energy from sparkling love and abundancy.

Guiding the sound of the soul is an intervention which I use when people experience a high level of physical tension which doesn’t find a natural way out through crying. Hearing the sound of these women was amazing and impressive. These women weren’t used to using their own voice to stand up for themselves, to choose for themselves. After having heard the sound of their soul they were in awe of the power they felt flowing through their body.

Reactions of coachees

At the beginning it was kind of strange to hear my own sound. After a couple of times I noticed how it got my body moving from within. The tension flowed away. The pressure on my belly disappeared and a warm feeling appeared.

When I think back to the session of yesterday I feel lots of sadness. Fear. I am afraid of the power within myself. Why? Why is this power not allowed to be there? I am afraid for my own voice. It does happen often over the phone that people don’t understand me. I find it hard to speak up and to speak clearer.

The session was heavy, I can’t remember if I have felt this tired at the beginning of this session compared to previous sessions. I didn’t want to say “A”. When someone else acts weird it’s fine, but it’s not something I would do. And this loud, I do not dare. And what if I can’t produce any sound? I felt stuck. Then you offered me a way out. This activated another part within me: I wanted to go through this fear. It was still scary, but hidden behind your “A” I managed to go along and produce a sound.

This session was absolutely special. Beforehand I knew I wanted to continue with the sound of my soul. It was allowed. My first try didn’t go well. My head was interfering too much. Afterwards it went better and I started to enjoy to play with the sound and follow you.

After having cried a couple of times I decided to scream it off of me. To produce the same sound as in the sessions in your practice. Anger arose, frustration and while I was producing the sound I hit hard on the bed with my fists.

A specific characteristic of the sound of the soul is the easiness with which it leaves your body. The sound keeps on coming from the belly without any effort. Easy. This level of easiness is a reflection of how you can lead your life while sharing your own voice, your opinion.

Sharing the sound of your soul will result in the following:

  • it will get the energy that is stuck in your body moving
  • it connects you with your emotional pain of your body
  • learning to cry out loud instead of crying in silence
  • getting to know your anger and learning to express anger
  • receiving the sound of your soul with love

Are you interested in getting to know the sound of your soul? Make an appointment for an introduction session. Working via videoskype is possible.

Click here for more information…

 

Snow. Lots and lots of snow.

IMG_3003

Snow. Lots and lots of snow. To me it was quite unexpected. I never check the weather forecast. So this day started with a cancellation of a session and more cancellations followed. I only had one session to guide; someone who lives on walking distance. The rest of the day I spent with my kids. My daughter (on the photo) was thrilled to go outside and play in the snow. My son at the other hand wasn’t at all pleased with the snow landing on his face. I had to protect him by changing the position of the buggy. Can you imagine pushing a buggy in this pile of snow? It was quite an exercise for this mom. I loved watching my daughter run around, scraping snow from cars and making snow balls. I even, in between pushing and pulling the buggy, managed to make some of my own and play with her. When arrived at home I was exhausted.

Note to self: always have enough diapers at home. Especially when a snow storm decided to cross through your city.

Eat greens and your child will follow

IMG_2521

So this is how we do it. When I do grocery shopping with my kids, this little fellow wants to push his own cart. As you can see it’s filled with lots of greens. That’s how we roll in our kitchen and with our believe that parents can teach their children to eat greens. Our kids are a great example. Of course they have their own taste and preferences, they don’t eat every available vegetable, but they do eat lots.

The trick is to keep on offering the greens, a wide set of differently prepared greens.

This guy eats broccoli, zucchini, paksoi and haricots. Just to name a few. He also eats loads of vegetables like carrots (oké, which child doesn’t eat carrots?), eggplant, cauliflower, Brussels sprouts, cabbage, pumpkin, potato, pea, sweet potato and beetroot.

And he loves tomato, which is by the way a fruit, but many people still regard it as a vegetable.

We taught our kids to eat vegetables in 3 simple ways.

  1. We started out by mixing vegetables with white rice or buckwheat. Or it was a smashed potato dish. With these purees we chose to add only one vegetable so they could get used to the taste of the added vegetable. We varied the purees with cooked or steamed vegetables they could eat out of their hands. (around 5 months)
  2. After the puree phase we cooked or steamed the vegetable so they could see, for example, the white rice separate from the vegetable. They used either their hands or a fork or spoon to eat their meal.
  3. We also offered vegetable soups. You could prepare pumpkin soup in such a way that your child can spoon it up himself. If it’s another type of vegetable you can add potato or even sweet potato to thicken it. Adding a bit of coconut flour is also an option. Actually any type of grain or rice is possible to thicken your vegetable soup.

And again: the trick is to keep on offering the greens and veggies.

Another good thing is to set the example: eat loads of greens and veggies right in front of your child’s nose. Children imitate. And while imitating they discover their own taste.

HSC: unwinding highly sensitive children. 12 Tips!

In this blog I would like to share 12 tips to unwind your highly sensitive child (HSC) when he or she is overaroused.

Overarousal occurs when your HSC:

  • Has spent too much time in one space with many people
  • Was to be found in that space without parental guidance or someone who is familiar to the child
  • Has too much activities after one another
  • Has not eaten on time or enough
  • Has been exposed to new surroundings and/or activities
  • Has experienced or witnessed injustifiable behaviour

I have gathered the tips below based on my own experience raising two highly sensitive children. My daughter has turned zeven this summer and my son is nearly 21 months.

  1. Let them play outside

Playing outside frees the mind, body and soul. It relaxes. It doesn’t matter what the weather is like; feel the wind, the rain and the sunbeams on your skin. Children are still so close to nature. Let them experience nature whenever they need it. The moments they need it, is after school or another social activity. Especially schools where children need to sit tightly behind their desk to do their chores make a good reason to release your children in nature. I’ve seen to many parents taking their HSC directly from school to another activity. They need time to unwind before taking up another activity. Even running around at the school’s playground will suffice to release some of the school’s impulses they took in.

2. Have an after-school-routine

After having runned around with friends we go home and my daughter gets something to drink and a snack. Whenever I have the time and energy I prepare a homemade snack. She truly appreciates that kind of gesture. Especially the taste. Help them organize their school stuff and perhaps get them to dress differently in order to change the school-energy into being-home-energy.

3. Make them feel loved

When highly sensitive children are overaroused they can get really nasty. They don’t want to eat what you serve, they don’t want to listen, they are grumpy, silent or they only want to sit behind a screen to watch cartoons. They can get into each other’s hair. Make them feel loved. Put extra care in the food you offer. You could put different colourful and healthy snacks on one plate. Make it a feast. Hug them or keep your distance depending the childs wish, but stay close so they can come to you. In case of the one bothering the other: take them apart, but don’t scold them. They were only expressing their needs in a negative way. Instead give them what they need: drink, snack, hugs, reading to both of them, sing, dance.

4. Giving space to anger

When your highly sensitive child is angry; starts screaming or throwing things, the best thing to do is stay calm and have an open attitude. Acknowledge their anger. Make the anger feel welcome, but be clear about your physical and emotional bounderies. They are not allowed to throw things at you nor verbally hurt you. Tell them they are allowed to feel angry, but not to project the anger onto you. Bring it back to the core emotion instead of punishing them for having hurt you.

5. Accept their pace in sharing

Highly sensitive children need time to digest the experiences that have hurt them or made a huge impression. Many times my daughter told a full story on how she felt the same evening, the following day or even two days after. It was difficult for me to accept her pace. Especially when I noticed she felt really bad about something. But from experience I’ve learnt to not ask about it further when she doesn’t respond the first few times.

6. Shower or bathe

This is a very important tool to unwind overaroused highly sensitive children. Most children have a positive reaction towards water. My children drop everything they are doing when I mention the word “bath”. For a while, when my daughter came home exhausted from school we explained to her that showering and bathing would be part of the after-school-routine. It helped her to wash away negative energy of children teasing other children, when injustice happened in her point-of-view, when friends didn’t listen to her or get rid of the warmth she had experienced in classrooms.

7. Do something creative

We, parents, are always busy and we want the best for our children. I believe we could definitely opt more and plan quality time with our children. Perhaps you could have your dinner already prepared so you can spend half an our colouring and crafting. Children thrive when they feel you are fully present.

8. Prepare dinner together

Get your highly sensitive child participate in preparing dinner. It’s a healthy way to disconnect from digital life and get your body and senses moving. Reconnecting in this way also boosts your HSC’s selfesteem. Be sure to give your HSC physically and verbally space and room to express her/his creative cooking eye. On the verbal aspect; stimulate their initiatives and avoid critisizing their actions. Make it a time to remember. Put your HSC’s favourite music on. Dress up: cooking hats and skirts.

9. Give a massage

Giving massages is next to showering and bathing a relaxing way to get back into your skin. Our children imitate everything we do. My daughter also likes to give massages so one of us (parents) is the lucky one to receive or her little brother. Our son has picked up this practice too. Another great way to get your HSC connecting to their body is holding their feet, hands or cover their ears with the palms of your hands. When I hold my daughter’s feet she instantly starts to yawn.

10. Alone-time

Actually we didn’t have to stimulate alone-time with our daughter because she initiated this for herself. She loves to read. Reading helps her to unwind. She also likes to dress up in her room and comes out to show her different outfits. But sometimes when she is whirled up too much we stimulate her to do something else. Something which helps her to release energy instead of taking in more information.

11. Balance social activities

Two birthday’s in a row is not done in our highly sensitive household. In addition, when we attend a birthday party we stay a maximum of an hour and a half. That’s quite enough celebratory impulses to unwind afterwards. One children’s birthday and an afternoon-family visit is too much. Receiving friends during the week around dinner time is also not done. Only if friend(s) and family blend in our household it’s doable. By that I mean that they take up a chore or give attention to one of the children.

Recently my daughter did a classical ballet try-out and after class she was fuelled up with adrenaline, grumpy and she couldn’t come up with normal phrases to indicate what she wanted. Based on all these signs I had to give back to her that she wasn’t ready to take up an after-school activity. She agreed. To acknowledge her need to play we agreed that we would plan play-dates when she feels energetic enough to enjoy playtime with her friends.

12. Plan recharching time

Continuing on the previous tip: yes, we try to plan as much as one after-school social activity during the week for my daughter. This means at least four after-school days are spend recharging for the next school day. My son gets his daily social boost with his dad in libraries, supermarkets and wherever day go and play. During the weekend it also comes down to mostly one social activity (spending time with family and friends) for the kids so we have one day left to recharge and do what we feel like doing on the spot. Sometimes we (parents) have more than one social activity, but one of us stays with the children and spend time in a slow way.

Hopefully a couple of these tips will help you unwind your highly sensitive children. Now let’s hear it from you. Please leave a comment below to share what your HSC parenting challenges are and what works for you to unwind your HSC.

Let’s continue to cherish our sensitivity!

Stress: changing my fear into love

It’s autumn holiday in The Hague. We are very much enjoying the free time. I love to sleep in, eat when I feel like it and as a family we are reorganizing the house. Our project is to move into the biggest bedroom. This one was split in half with a wall in between when I was pregnant with our youngest. Now almost 21 months.

The sole purpose of this wall was to provide our children with their own space. Turns out our youngest had his own plan. He turned our plan upside down by sharing continuously that he didn’t want to sleep by himself. Because of his resistance we got into the benefits of co-sleeping again.

The big house change engineered new streams of positive energy through all rooms. Our daughter moved back to her original room and is very happy with more space and her privacy. We got ourselves a new (secondhand) closet and mattresses. We sleep on cheap light wooden beds and quite expensive mattresses filled with all kinds of natural material.

This morning we woke up to a new closet looking into the contents of it, because the doors are still waiting to be put in their place. We made it to Ikea for extra shelves and storage. Unfortunately the decision to accompany my partner caused a bit of stress. The hick-up was the time-frame. We should have left earlier for Ikea so that my daughter and I would have more time to arrive at our theatre performance.

Now I was emotionally challenged to change my fear into love. The fear of running late and missing the performance into love; telling our friends that we would be later and calling the theatre to ask if they would let us in. They would if we wouldn’t be more than fifteen minutes late. This meant we would be at least on time to see the whole lot of the performance. This helped me to get back into a loving state of mind. Luckily we were in our seats five minutes after the performance had started.

All together I felt stressed for only a few minutes. I’m happy everything turned out fine. But for a next time: I will listen and act upon my initial feeling of staying home with my daughter to have lunch. Afterwards we would cycle to the theatre and be there at least fifteen minutes aheads of time, because to me that is part of going to the theatre: taking time to enjoy my quality time with my daughter and absorb creative storytelling.

HSP: share your sensitivity

Share your sensitivity!

Be the highly sensitive person you are, share how you see the world through your senses and soul’s mission. Are you ready to take the next steps with your emotional and spiritual development?

The people I coach are the writers, singers, visual artists, speakers, entrepeneurs, top-level managers, psychologists and people working on different levels and positions in organizations with all one thing in common: their strong desire to be at peace with themselves. Your inner peace is your starting point, it’s from where you fly of to share your vision to contribute to a better world.

A big challenge for super creative highly sensitive people is to live of their talents. How to succeed in a world with so much creative competition? Why would I improve my skills in photographing? There are so many great photographers out there, I don’t think I’ve got the talent to squeeze myself into that world. And what about setting foot on ground of actors and comedians?

It’s hard work. It doesn’t pay the bills, it’s actually eating up my savings.

Let me tell you how I think about competition and what success is all about. If you think about it, there is no competition. If you keep on focussing and enjoying what you most like to do, you won’t even have time and energy to look at the competition. It’s about building your world one step at a time. It’s not about what others do. It’s about what you want to achieve in your own pace.

And about success: write down your own definition of success and live by it. To me it’s waking up in the morning and looking forward to what the day will bring. Among other things: laughter of my children, joking with my partner and father of my children and coaching and rebirthing highly sensitive people.

Let’s say goodbye to the struggling-through-life mentality and change this into let-love-flow attitude.

We are all naturally self-confident. Close your eyes, breathe, feel how your mind struggles to surrender, but slowly it will surrender in order for your body to be heard. Because you want to live life to the fullest. You want your voice to be heard. And you definitely want to wake up each day knowing that you are contributing to a better and more loving world. Mind, body and soul will be aligned in the process of emotional and spiritual development. Inner peace will surface and you will feel who you are, what you want and how you will achieve this.

It’s so much easier to lead a creative lifestyle when you have tapped into that abundant resource of inner peace and self-love.

For more on Orchid of Life HSP Coaching & Rebirthing, please click here to visit my website. 

Are you interested in an introduction session? Click here for more information…