HSP: set yourself free from self-criticism

What I’ve noticed is that self-criticism is something you can hide for a long time. You can manage in the world, you can work your way to the top (your top) and everyone believes and perceives you as a person who has it all and who has nothing to worry about. False!

Self-criticism goes hand in hand with shame and lots of it. When you constantly believe you’re not doing it right, you are dumb or look terrible you work hard to not show anything of this to the people around you. Shame is an emotion which keeps you from sharing your true feelings and thoughts. You keep up this attitude in life which saves you of showing your vulnerability. You keep up your mask.

People who criticise themselves are ambitious and hard workers. They don’t feel their mental, emotional and physical bounderies. They are superman or woman. They fail (especially in their own eyes), they climb up, they disappoint themselves and this circle continues. Even though milestones are achieved, they don’t feel proud of themselves.

And this my friend is such a waste. When I speak of this I have a part of the highly sensitive people in mind whom I coach & rebirth. They are the sweetest, most loving and intelligent souls, but they don’t receive themselves as such.

Let’s turn this around. You are much more than than how that ugly and awful voice thinks you are and speaks to you. If this piece of writing resonates with you feel free to contact me and let’s start a journey which will set you free from self-criticism.

Warm regards,

Chungmei

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HSP: living a creative life, it’s worth the effort

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At the moment I am in the train on my way to Utrecht to give a training on HSP and communicating your bounderies. This gives me time to have a little tête-à-tête with you on this insta-couch and facebook page.

I am so freaking proud of my hubby Arnold. To me he is thé example of a highly sensitive man chasing his ultimate dream. And to some extent we are in this together living our creative life based on our talents. But there are differences. The main difference is that Arnold is most happy when he or someone else puts a camera in front of his face so he can share his take on life. I am most happy when I see people processing their deepest limiting/ destructive emotions.

I’ll take you on a quick tour through his creative journey.

💫 He started out life with three nutrition titles on his name: two bachelors and one master.

💫 He never started a job based on those titles. Instead he ran his capoeira organization for 10 years: a capoeira group and giving all kinds of capoeira workhops to children and adults.

💫 During start-up of his capoeira organization a burn-out took him down. (And still dealing with a continuous headache while pursuing his ultimate dream)

💫 If determination would be a title given out by higher education establishments he would be given this title. While running his capoeira organization he pursued his dream to tell jokes on stage as a comedian. These 4 years were characterized by achievements and setbacks, but in general every step took him closer to be at ease with the most happy, cheerful and light version of himself.

💫 *deep sigh* And now finally he is putting in practice what the comedy world taught him: to simply be himself doing the things in life which gives him the most pleasure and joy. Parallel to this very important aspect he gets paid doing so. Living a highly sensitive creative life is possible. It’s not easy, but it’s gratifying to the max!!

Head over to his Insta @arnoldbalde to see what he is up too.
Like & follow his facebook page to support this crazy and super sensitive goal-orientated creator: https://www.facebook.com/voedinggezondheidleven/

Thanks a lot!

HSP: working towards your ultimate dream

How does it feel like when you are told by many people you have an enormous talent, but no matter how hard you try you can’t feel it yourself.

That’s harsh.

That’s aweful.

All effort feels meaningless.

That’s when a highly sensitive girl grows up with no space to show her tears, her sadness ánd her enthusiasm.

Writing this I have one particular beautiful and amazing highly sensitive woman in mind. She has a talent for speaking. When she starts telling her stories I am in absolute awe. She also gets me laughing out loud. Her stories are vivid and full of contrasts.

But there is another part to her story. She knows and feels that she can be full of enthusiasm and share this with everyone around her. But at the other side of the coin there is this extreme apathy and self-hate. She doesn’t feel like getting up nor move towards the things she wants to achieve in life.

While these opposite emotions are whirling inside of her.

She does know how to feed herself in a healthy way and continues to do so. 
She also refuses to take antidepressants because she wants to feel and process all the present emotions. 

These two daily actions show the self-love she isn’t feeling, these actions are directed by the mind. Her mind has superpowers. It’s strong. It’s how she has survived all the past years full of contradictory emotions.

During our coaching & rebirthing trajectory she is opening up and embracing the discomforting physical stress. The physical stress has been kept prisoned in her body and mind for so many years. It’s time to connect to the physical stress and release the pain through the physical body, tears and the sound of her soul. 

We are working towards her ultimate dream: being an inspirational speaker. And we’re getting closer, breath by breath.

Life is full of contrasts. When mouths are being shut, these mouths will find a way to express their true talent.

#hsp #highsensitivity #highlysensitiveperson #rebirthing #breaththerapy #lifecoaching #TheHague and beyond

HSP Coaching: get to know your inner life

Recently I spoke to a highly sensitive lady and she said: ‘Don’t tell me to do a daily meditation or mindfulness. This doesn’t work for me. I have tried so many different forms of personal development. Now I want to feel a change.’

What she first needed was to understand how she came to see herself as a highly sensitive introvert and how essential it was for her to go her own way instead of searching for her mother’s approval and understanding. (Almost on a daily basis)

As a kid she grew up with a little sister who turned into a troublemaker. (And not for no reason) She was the bigger sister and did all she could to be of no trouble at all to her mother. When they spoke they mostly spoke about their family situation. Her innerlife was intertwined with her mom’s innerlife. She grew up by keeping her mouth shut about how she felt. Instead she focussed on her schoolwork.

She could’t be more motivated because after the introduction session she started practising immediately. Instead of discussing her inner life with her mom she talked to her boyfriend and a good friend. She said: ‘It wasn’t as satisfying as talking to my mom, because she is the one who understands me best. But I know it’s good for me. I don’t want to depend on her opinion.’

She felt a change. She felt stronger from within, but also dealt with guilt. It was still kind of awkward, but she was still motivated.

And no, I won’t tell her to do meditation if that doesn’t work for her. What works for her was putting her new found insights about herself into practice.

If this sounds like a I-want-to-feel-better-about-myself-plan to you, just send me an e-mail to book your introduction session or follow-up session.

Warm regards,

Chungmei: orchidoflife@gmail.com

#hsp #highsensitivity #lifecoaching #rebirthing #breaththerapy #videoskype #skypecoaching #skype #facetime #TheHague and beyond

How we enjoy silence and taking it slow

I had the most exquisite Sunday afternoon I could wish for. I visited someone I recently got to know through my work. When I entered her apartment I entered a fairytale. I entered a different era, it was as if I travelled through time. In the middle of the living room I stood still and absorbed the feeling of magic she had created.

……

Hmmm, writing this blog drew me into a pause. I tried to describe what I saw, but I just don’t know where to start. I just leave it like this: it was like a fairytale, wanting to turn the page to read how the story continues, to want to be pulled into the magic, just like I wanted to discover every corner of her house, mirroring her soul.

She poured us tea and the following topics past in our conversation:

  • The pull of the fear of death on train tracks, an intercity train passing by and while standing on heights feeling the pull of gravity,
  • The electro-magnetic field of a smartphone; how you can feel it moving into your limbs and how it enters our eyes,
  • How the digital world is taking over everywhere we go and how it annoys us in respect to connecting with other human beings in public areas and stores,
  • How it is so much easier to learn when you hear the word, read the word and see the object,
  • How we as children don’t want to be restricted and yearned for the attention of our parents,
  • How we enjoy silence and taking it slow.

In the middle of the conversation she handed me this amazing book with beautiful drawings and spells in English: The lost Words by Robert Macfarlane and Jackie Morris. Spells to bring back the words that have been long forgotten in children’s minds. And she shared: ‘How often do we get a book in our hands and sit still with it, feel it? In this digital age in which you go from screen to screen.

I feel so much gratitude reliving this magical experience over and over again. I breathed deep.

Self-healing: I don’t want to be in pain anymore

So this morning I got up and gave myself a rebirthing session. I couldn’t do otherwise. This pain on my left shoulder has been there since end of Christmas holidays. At the beginning of this week I woke up and my body felt paralysed. I couldn’t move. Another pain which arose on my chest was hurting me. This pain was strongly connected to the pain on my left shoulder.

I thought of a yin yoga pose and put a cushion under my back. In this pose I started doing the conscious connected breathing. The pain on my chest moved downwards to my belly. It felt like cramps, but not from the inside out (from my stomach), but more like just under my skin. I’ve cried a couple of times. Afterwards I removed the cushion and took my time to let the pain melt down. I knew it wasn’t over, I knew I hadn’t achieved my goal. This was merely to get myself going again. Getting up, being able to work and parent.

On the same day I felt at ease with my body, but the next day I woke up with a clouded mind. I knew this was inflicted by the emotional pain which hid in my body. This pain would surface as physical pain as soon as I would have the time to help myself with a rebirthing session.

The days after the pain on my left shoulder had spread to the right side and I also felt it moving downwards over my back and to my left arm. For a couple of days now I thought about asking my friend who works as an osteopath to give me a treatment. It would definitely get the energy in my body moving. But thinking about the upcoming work week I didn’t see time to recover from the treatment. This and also the current amount of pain I was in motivated me to help myself as soon as possible.

I was about to last evening, but taking my youngest to bed I fell asleep. Probably I was super tired, because of having walked around with these pains.

After more than 12 hours of sleep I have been doing the conscious connected breathing for 40 minutes on the couch. During these 40 minutes I discovered a new position which stimulated the pain on my chest to move away from the chest. The position was derived from a yin yoga position I knew. I folded by chest towards my legs which were straightened with a tiny bend in my knees. My arms laid next to my hips and legs on the couch. So the pain on my chest started moving with every in- and out breath I took and space was created in and around the pain on my left shoulder.

While going through this pain I felt and thought the following:

  • It hurts, I don’t want to be in so much pain anymore
  • I have work to do, you ( the pain) will not keep me from my work
  • I wish I could have known my great grandfather who lived in China. The whole village went by his house to be relieved from physical pain caused by severe heat
  • I was (again!) cursing in the dialect I grew up with (Wenzhouhua). To me this means I was freeing myself from the sadness of my mother and grandmother

I will continue my self-healing work at some other point. Now Saturday begins and I have like 30 minutes left to continue with the preparation of my third FB Live on HSP & Love.

Would you like to read more on rebirthing? Click here…