Coachee: Ok. Let’s face it. Let’s face the anger.

stress anger

Anger mood (2)

I knew that this session might turn out to be pure stress. My coach wanted to locate together with me my anger – a search why this emotion is so strong within my person. Like crying, feeling anger can make you feel totally exhausted… Actually, this is not bad! Because if you find yourself in a restless position, with anger, the body allows you to tire you out completely. Which means your soul and worries can finally find rest in total exhaustion…

Ok, let’s face it. Let’s face the anger – again! Chungmei is with me, I don’t have to undergo it alone! I feel confident as this can never be worse than what I already went through in the past. Closing my eyes, I thought about a social circle around me, and where to see my parents in it… they were standing to my right side, a bit away from me to my back… and there was someone else standing behind me, in a growing distance… my former long-term boyfriend.

And there was the anger. I felt it in my belly, accumulated anger since childhood. I was furious on all three of them. But the anger didn’t feel so strong this time as my mood was quite good today…this helped me to focus on my task to come. My coach asked me where to re-position those three persons. I wanted to ban my former boyfriend from the circle naturally, as he doesn’t belong to my life anymore like I don’t belong to his. But my parents I wished so much closer to me, standing to my left and my right, arms linked with each other! I just imagined it, but I know, in reality, there would be so many hurdles to overcome the distance between us…

In this session, there was a lot of analysis. A lot about sitting with eyes closed, thinking, rethinking, imagining, reimagining… Feeling relaxed, just playing with the thoughts… focused on the future created from the positions of the past. Queen and king moving forward, while some Indian pawn is thrown out of the game… In chess, I felt most close to the horse… with its unusual weird movement, two fields to the front, one to the side, weird just like me! An asymmetry which always had fascinated me most in this game of pure strategy. It is the horse which creates great chances for traps, to make the opponent finally fall. But shall I be such a great human manipulator like my former boyfriend was? Chungmei reminded me that the positive thing about this is, to keep a distance between the emotions of other people and your own. This makes judgement easier as you are less involved emotionally. But do I want to be like that? Perhaps part of it is worth considering…

In chess, there is no mercy. But in life, there is. Waiting to surface if given the opportunity.

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