HSP: learn to deal with negative energy

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Highly sensitive people are more prone to negative energy. Negative energy weakens us in many ways. All of a sudden we feel blurry in the head, weak in the knees or are struck by stomach cramps. In most of the situations we are also overwhelmed by an incapacity to speak up for ourselves. In my coaching practice I have seen men and woman passing by who were willing to work on this, they signaled their inability to handle negative energy and wanted to get to the core of this.

There was this guy in particular who suffered hyperventilation after an outburst of a client. He was sent of to a house to fix the things his colleague failed to do properly. The client showed his disappointment to him even though he knew he wasn’t the one who caused the problem. At the moment he handled it with care, but the energy filled with disappointment and anger fired up his way was whirling around in his system for days, especially in his head!

In his head he would fantasize about future scenarios about conflicts with his employer, colleagues and clients.

And what to do if you’re working with a boss who’s emotional state is unpredictable and confusing? Highly sensitive people feel every change in other people’s emotional state of being. They feel alerted when someone comes in at a meeting, a drink or at the grocery store with an emotional state which can be described as sad, frustrated or downright grumpy. Depending the situation they feel like running away or sit still and wait for the right moment to step in. In this case, when working with a boss who comes in one day super happy and the next day as if the company would collapse in front of his eyes, what would you do as a highly sensitive person?

The answer to this question can be find at the core of the “problem”. I have written problem in between brackets, because I’d rather perceive emotional/ psychological “problems” as chances to work on one’s emotional being. In all of the situations above the negative energy experienced can be traced back to the highly sensitive people’s childhood. When we don’t know how to deal with negative energy in daily adult situations this is a signal that we haven’t learnt to deal with different negative energy’s in the past.

Energy can be read as in “emotions”, basic emotions such as anger and sadness.

We could differentiate these emotions as disappointment, frustration, irritation, mourning, hatred, anguish and envy among many more. These emotions are seen as negative and therefore I will refer as them as such, but in my view of personal development these emotions are the gateway to emotional freedom and a strong belief of self.

In childhood our relationship with our caretakers influence the way we handle emotions of others and of ourselves. When we haven’t healed our emotional wounds we are consciously or unconsciously tortured by our reactions directed by our wounded inner child. The wounded inner child will attract the experiences in life in order to emotionally grow. A highly sensitive person raised by caretakers who were still walking around with their own pain; anger and sadness will automatically absorb these negative emotions. They are not able to experience these emotions separate from themselves. Depending on the character of the child and the relationship to their caretakers the child’s mental and emotional development will be influenced.

What happens in adult life is that people, when open for personal development, start to discover the root of their behavioral patterns. Aha, so the reason I can’t handle disappointment is because I have compensated my insecurities by doing the most sublime work I am able to do in order for my father to notice me. And walking around with an overall feel of insecurity about me taking upon so much responsibility is because my mom did everything possible for me. Whenever I needed help she was there. She wanted to be there, because her parents died on her when she was young. She didn’t even get to know them.

I have spoken many highly sensitive people who are living with the best intentions and doing the best they can for their families, but with one caretaker blowing them away with unexpected anger which had nothing to do with them, they walk around in life feeling afraid of opening their mouth. They are just paralyzed by misplaced anger. And there is this hunger, this innate need for acknowledgment of who they are and this desire to be valued for their actions. In the end, they are the ones who will give all of these positive emotions to themselves. They are worth to feel every single bit of emotion running through their veins.

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Life Coaching: what do you really need?

After a well deserved break including loads of personal development growth it’s still possible to be blinded by fear when stepping into society again. An action directed by fear could be finding a job based on your curriculum vitae instead of believing in what you are capable of and find a job in which you would be much happier.

Don’t be too hard on yourself when you need to turn things around again. Financial stability is desirable, but if financial stability brings you in the middle of nowhere; far away of friends and family, living in a house which you don’t like and love relationship issues arising you need to stop and think again. What do you really need? How can you create an environment in which you can flourish?

Life Coaching: knowing what you want

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“Let me briefly explain my situation and objectives: I have been working for more than five years as an engineer, the job I always wanted to do since I was a child. But although I changed companies and finally arrived at the company that had been my objective from the early days of university, I found myself always uncomfortable and unsatisfied, not sure whether this is really what I want to do the whole day.

Now my personal situation all of a sudden has offered me an opportunity to change track, or at least to reflect about how I want to go on. My partner has got a job offer from Berlin and that’s why we’ll move to Germany in January. I would like to catch this opportunity for understanding what I would really like to do in my professional life. By myself, I have thought this through so many times without coming to results. That is why I would be happy if you could assist me on this way.”

The above email was sent to me by someone who was in his thirties. During the session it because clear that he has an enormous talent, but he wasn’t aware of this up until this conversation. From the moment he walked in I was blown away by his voice. A loud, low and deep voice which filled the hallway. I was flabbergasted and grabbed myself together by introducing myself and showing him the way to the practice. In life he was confronted twice with the impact of his voice. When he was 16 his friends told him he had a magnificent voice. When he was a student he wanted to work as a voice-over, but because of his study he didn’t go through with it.

During the session he was going on and on about wanting to have a passion for something so he could earn his money with his passion or talent. I was listening to a man who had been stuck in his career for years. In his words: “I’m young enough to start something new, but what will I do?”

Sing my friend, sing. Or talk, his voice was his answer.

Life Coaching: starting anew as a confident woman

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Her choice to start lifecoaching is motivated by her wish to start anew as a confident woman working with the best intentions, high ambition and responsibility. But at the moment she is afraid that negative experiences will be repeated. That there will be people who will be envious of her success and wanting her to step down and leave the company. That is what her manager aimed at, but she didn’t get it the easiest way, she got it the hard way. She fought for what she had built up. She is lamenting the fact that she couldn’t say goodbye to her colleagues.

Your talent keeps you young

My deeply felt respect goes out to Robertinho Silva. I got to know him last Wednesday in Theater Culturalis in the Hague. We, six students of Capoeira Engenho, were present to give a capoeira demonstration and to receive a percussion class of the master himself. He was quick, alert and making jokes all the time. He made fun of me being tired. Only a few seconds after a yawn escaped from me, he took his chance to copy my yawn. Oeps! Yeaah..he made me laugh, the contradiction was so obvious. Robertinho, 70 years old , an explosion of energy and me, a woman of 33 yearning for her sleep.

Last night I attended another percussion class and was sitting next to him. I caught myself staring at his hands, arms, face and teeth. His hands and arms could be from a guy in his fourties. The expression on this face was alive and I believe he still had his own teeth! Of course I didn’t dare to ask, hihi, I was there to play the timba. Ok, focus on the music in stead of his appearance. But no, I need to point this out.

Robertinho Silva is 70 and full of energy. I want to be like him on that age. I truly believe that his talent keeps him young. So hence my outcry: stop doing things which totally exhaust you and start doing things that makes you feel alive and kicking!!

So what’s your talent?

Also read: Start doing more mindless things.

Backwards blogging

Sometimes I don’t feel like writing at all. Most of the time this is due lack of energy. Sometimes due lack of inspiration. After weeks and weeks of no writing I suddenly have the urge to write about everything. Everything that happened, is happening or is going to happen. Thinking of my blog I was like ‘blogging is what you do on a daily basis’ and not about something which happened weeks ago. This thought gave me the feeling as if was stuck in a jar and I couldn’t get the lid open. Yuk!!

So to get the lid open to grasp for fresh air I invented ‘backwards blogging’ for myself. I just pick a date from my google agenda and think about the things I did on this particular day. What was so extraordinary about this day? Did I learn something? Did I laugh outloud or was I angry as hell?

Today is Wednesday the 15th of December. Thinking back about the 18th of November I remember going to a workshop organized by Giving Back.

The workshop was about how to choose the right education after highschool. Two teachers of ‘de Haagse Hogeschool’ (a Dutch university) were telling about the criteria you need to take into consideration, internet tools which could help in taking the right decision and how it would be like to study at ‘de Haagse Hogeschool’. The information was really interesting. So much has changed within the educational system since I graduated from my Bachelor Communication at the ‘Hogeschool Inholland’ in Rotterdam in 2004. Nowadays students need to know in a very early stage what they would like to study when the’re like 16,17 or 18 years old. Around the age of 14 they choose for a package of subjects which already defines the studies they could choose from when they make the change from highschool to university.

As a consequence I believe that we need to take more time to guide our children to make the right choices. Choices which reflect there qualities.

More photos of my Giving Back activities, click here!