HSC: birthday party fun without hassle

Photo by Ouxu Cheng

My two kids are highly sensitive. I am highly sensitive, my husband is highly sensitive. As a highly sensitive family we keep on learning how to listen and react to each others needs to thrive in this world full of entertainment. Last weekend we went to a birthday party in Amsterdam. The preparation for the birthday started in the car, my youngest fell asleep immediately and my daughter was relaxing by holding onto her big bear friend. No music, no cartoons, no talking.

This birthday party was definitely highly sensitive proof.

  • The birthday lady was walking barefoot,
  • They served sugar free goodies such as banana egg pancakes with whipped cream, blue berries, strawberries and marmelade, coconut-date bonbon and a chocolate banana egg cake,
  • People withdrawing to other rooms to look up some quite time,
  • Moms breastfeeding,
  • No music.

We had loads of fun. I love socialising and meeting new people, but at the same time I like to blend in the crowd by talking to friends we hadn’t seen for a while. That feels much more comfortable than immediately making small talk with someone I don’t know.  Same goes for my daughter.

Amé stood close to me, observing the room and the people. The best thing about a party, according to my daughter, is eat the foods they serve. Though she didn’t dive in immediately, she needed some time to land. After having encouraged her to choose her pick, she took her plate to the balcony where the other kids were playing. Instead of connecting to the kids she focussed on her plate. Afterwards she wanted to go outside, because inside it was too warm for her. Arnold and I decided to split up, he went outside and I stayed in with Dían.

Dían also needed his time to get used to the house, the atmosphere and the people. He sticked with me or Arnold. After Amé got back from playing outside she started playing with a girl. They went from room to room and finally I found them sitting with a lady who drew images on their arms. I talked to her earlier and Amé, at that time still taking her time to get accustomed, apparently eavesdropped. To her big surprise she found out this lady is a professional illustrator. Amé took the opportunity to ask her to draw tattoos on her hand with the tattoo pens she had brought with her in her handbag. Afterwards Amé said:

I was perfectly prepared for this party by bringing my tattoo pens.

We arrived quite early at the party, one hour and a half, after it had started. Slowly, new guests were arriving and the noice of people talking to each other got louder and louder. When I started breastfeeding on the balcony it was still doable. New guests joined us on the balcony, Dían was ready drinking, he sat on my lap and made screeching noises. He wasn’t happy at all. I understood and we went to a spare room. He immediately revived. He started smiling and moving around the room. He is fifteen months and I am so happy with our communication.

From the moment he crawled out of the spare room I knew he was ready for more action. I have seen him playing with a friend of ours who was playing with him and interacting with the cat under the table. Meanwhile we were socialising in the open kitchen. I still had an eye on him, that’s my mommy-mind, but I was super proud of him being at ease. Later I caught him playing alone, but not for long, a new friend came along. This twenty-something young male was autistic and loved to connect with Dían.

We had a wonderful time.

Both kids dealt differently with their birthday experience. Driving back home they both stayed awake. Around eight Dían fell asleep without any hassle, but it took Amé more time to fall asleep. The next day Amé slept in and Dían took his nap earlier than normal and slept for like an hour and a half. This is how they recovered. And of course we provided them the time to recover. We had no other appointments than being in and around the house organising and cleaning.

In retrospect, I am very happy and satisfied we took this last-minute decision to stay in The Hague in stead of going up North visiting family. This way we definitely have enjoyed the birthday party in full in stead of being super tired by travelling from one place to another.

 

HSC: re-organizing quality time and recharging energy

Photo by Ouxu Cheng

May Holidays in The Hague. It’s such a blessing to free up time so easily with the work I am doing as a life coach. Yesterday my holidays began and my first working day will be next week Wednesday. Yeeaahoe! That means quality time with my family, sleeping in, bake, cook, organising our house and having more time to create fun business related but also personal related stuff.

And yes, it would have been wonderful to go on this trip to the North of Holland for a couple of days, but we cancelled it. We organised it a couple of weeks ago, but last Monday evening we decided to skip it. Mostly because of the sleeping rhythms of our children. Our youngest Dían is learning to sleep in his own room. Since his room is next to his big sister Amé, she is temporarily sleeping in another room. His possible crying or I-am-not-ready-to-sleep-mode could keep her awake.

During Easter we did go up North to visit family. Although we had fun it was actually very tiring. Dían had trouble sleeping at night, probably processing all new impressions and smells of the room we slept in. Yes, we are a super highly sensitive family. The way he slept and didn’t sleep kept me up at night. Logically, the following day I was extremely tired. And when I am tired I am not a fun person to be around with. I am not in the mood for talking, nor playing, not anything.

We were conscious about this experience, but somehow forgot it when we were busy making plans for a fun trip.

Luckily it kicked in last Monday evening. Right on time. Better to cancel than to be overloaded by extra impulses and coming back to a messy house. Now we have more time to organise our house and recharge our batteries.

And even best, to spend quality time with each other.

Today we had a friend of Amé over. They played with Dían, he was in play-heaven while receiving so much attention and interacting with them. They went outside to pick flowers to make necklaces and bracelets, but when back they used the flowers to make perfume. In play everything is possible.

While they were having a blast I caught myself being a wanna-be-slow-parenting-mom. Dían played on the balcony, showed me his dirty hands and I took a wet towel to clean his hands. Amé friend said ‘it’s sand, you can just wipe it off his hands’. Aha, indeed, by using a wet towel it got even worse, because, of course, he immediately put his hands on the floor and they got even dirtier. Hmmm…reality-check wanna-be-slow-parenting-mom! Secondly, after they returned, the floors were covered with soil and flowers. I vacuum-cleaned second time around and then it hit me: why not wait with cleaning until play-date is over? Gosh, I think I need a specific course in letting go off the cleaning and start playing.

Finally, after all baking and preparing foodwise for Kingsday, I felt space to play along. They totally got psyched by the idea of me giving birth to a baby. Dían was my cat, but as soon as I would have given birth to this ball I had wrapped around my waist with a scarf,  Dían the cat would turn into my newborn who would need breastfeeding. I had to give birth sooner than expected because Dían asked for breastfeeding.

Nail polish for toddlers. Why?

nailpolish

Yesterday our daughter turned 3. She is so happy to be 3. ‘I’m a big girl now,’ she says. Big girls go outside and play without their mommy and daddy, but with their friends. When we got back from doing groceries we passed by the house of a friend, this girl is one year older than she is. She wasn’t at the gallery so my daughter suggested to knock on her door. Purposefully I walked onwards to our house so she could ask her friend out by herself. The door opened, I turned my head and saw my daughter asking the mom of her friend if she could go out and play. I felt so proud. This morning she wanted to do the same, but hesitated. She turned around several times with an excuse like ‘mom, it has started to rain harder, you should come with me and knock on her door’. I didn’t feel like going so finally she stopped trying.

My daughter succeeded, the mom of her friend allowed her to go out and play. Within a few minutes both girls were standing in front of my doorstep, showing me their nails. Ooh, my god, I thought, her mom polished my daughter’s nails baby blue! I was shocked. The first thing I thought was ‘How could she? She should have asked me first!’ I calmed myself down, because my daughter looked at me with eyes full of hope and joy. She knows damn well what I think of nail polish. Her wish was fulfilled; a few months ago she asked for nail polish and she didn’t get it from us! Now she was walking around with baby blue finger nails. Several thoughts were swirling in my head. Another one of them was ‘her mom only wanted to be nice and give my daughter something’. So I decided to say nothing and let my daughter be happy. The next question was:  ‘I want to have my toe nails done as well’. I said ‘no’. Enough is enough, I thought.

My daughter is more a girly girl compared to myself. She likes necklaces, bracelets, rings, earrings and nail polish. I’m not bothered by jewelry and I’m not even wearing a watch. Oh, yeah, she likes watches too. Friends of mine do like jewelry so I believe my daughter developed her taste just by watching other people. The object ‘heels’ just popped up. My man thought of  buying her heels in her size as a birthday present. Heels??!!! She already has plastic heels which are far to big, but she is having fun with them. She didn’t got these from us. Highly irritated and surprised I disagreed with this idea. How come you thought of heels? ‘Well, I only crawled up in her head and from her view on life ‘heels’ were the first objects that came to my mind,’ he said.

We got her something she could take outside and play with. It’s a bar with a ring on one side and a wheel on the other side. One should put a foot in the ring, get the bar turning around your leg and jump across the bar with the other leg. Much better than heels. And I will buy nail polish remover as soon as possible. Come on, let’s play as long as we can and be indifferent towards how we look. Especially how we can look more beautiful with all kinds of accessories in stead of shining from within and be happy with how we look in our most natural form.

After I posted the above a friend of my reacted with a few lines of Kahlil Gibran:

About Children”You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

She also commented on my story by sharing that she believes it’s the most natural thing a child does: looking around, being curious and feeling the urge to imitate it in their own way. I read these lines of Kahlil Gibran before and I totally agreed with his thoughts. More so his lines and her comment left me wondering. It even got me talking to my partner. Am I stopping her of being who she is? A person with her own thoughts? The conversation helped me to verbalize my feelings towards the incident in more detail. As parents we are doing whatever we can to let her be who she is. Nonetheless in some situations, like this one, I have a strong urge to share my thoughts on nail polish, because I’m allergic to a world in which a lot of things are influenced by appearance. To keep up this appearance people use all kinds of stuff to show others who they want to be in stead of who they are. Anyhow, my daughter is still not aware of this concept so in her case she likes nail polish, because of the colors. But she is still a child who puts her fingers in her mouth (that young) so why let her wear nail polish even though it’s fun.

Another element of the concept of putting more emphasis on appearance is that it goes along with fake stuff. Fake eye lashes, hair extensions and so on. In the case of nail polish; it contains a lot of chemicals which no one should get in their bodies. I know non-toxic nail polish exists for toddlers, but this is really where I draw my line; I associate these products with the big fake world some people are creating for themselves. Therefore I keep my point of view on nail polish for toddlers. For this once she has enjoyed the look of her baby blue finger nails. But we won’t encourage wearing nail polish by buying it for her. But of course, when she’s older, it’s her choice if she wants to wear nail polish.

I became a dad: how does it feel?

I became a dad…That’s something…How does it feel? O.k. let me think about that one.

When I saw her for the first time, her mom changed from a fighting lion into a loving, happy butterfly. And I? I turned from a “you-can-do-it” “the pain will go away” supporting partner, into a crying puppy.

Maybe that’s how it felt…like a crying puppy, pure. A sea made of waves of emotions, which all came together on a perfect white beach. And when they did, they formed a neverending smile reaching out towards the Highest.

Written by Arnold Emile Baldé, my man.