HSC: re-organizing quality time and recharging energy

Photo by Ouxu Cheng

May Holidays in The Hague. It’s such a blessing to free up time so easily with the work I am doing as a life coach. Yesterday my holidays began and my first working day will be next week Wednesday. Yeeaahoe! That means quality time with my family, sleeping in, bake, cook, organising our house and having more time to create fun business related but also personal related stuff.

And yes, it would have been wonderful to go on this trip to the North of Holland for a couple of days, but we cancelled it. We organised it a couple of weeks ago, but last Monday evening we decided to skip it. Mostly because of the sleeping rhythms of our children. Our youngest Dían is learning to sleep in his own room. Since his room is next to his big sister Amé, she is temporarily sleeping in another room. His possible crying or I-am-not-ready-to-sleep-mode could keep her awake.

During Easter we did go up North to visit family. Although we had fun it was actually very tiring. Dían had trouble sleeping at night, probably processing all new impressions and smells of the room we slept in. Yes, we are a super highly sensitive family. The way he slept and didn’t sleep kept me up at night. Logically, the following day I was extremely tired. And when I am tired I am not a fun person to be around with. I am not in the mood for talking, nor playing, not anything.

We were conscious about this experience, but somehow forgot it when we were busy making plans for a fun trip.

Luckily it kicked in last Monday evening. Right on time. Better to cancel than to be overloaded by extra impulses and coming back to a messy house. Now we have more time to organise our house and recharge our batteries.

And even best, to spend quality time with each other.

Today we had a friend of Amé over. They played with Dían, he was in play-heaven while receiving so much attention and interacting with them. They went outside to pick flowers to make necklaces and bracelets, but when back they used the flowers to make perfume. In play everything is possible.

While they were having a blast I caught myself being a wanna-be-slow-parenting-mom. Dían played on the balcony, showed me his dirty hands and I took a wet towel to clean his hands. Amé friend said ‘it’s sand, you can just wipe it off his hands’. Aha, indeed, by using a wet towel it got even worse, because, of course, he immediately put his hands on the floor and they got even dirtier. Hmmm…reality-check wanna-be-slow-parenting-mom! Secondly, after they returned, the floors were covered with soil and flowers. I vacuum-cleaned second time around and then it hit me: why not wait with cleaning until play-date is over? Gosh, I think I need a specific course in letting go off the cleaning and start playing.

Finally, after all baking and preparing foodwise for Kingsday, I felt space to play along. They totally got psyched by the idea of me giving birth to a baby. Dían was my cat, but as soon as I would have given birth to this ball I had wrapped around my waist with a scarf,  Dían the cat would turn into my newborn who would need breastfeeding. I had to give birth sooner than expected because Dían asked for breastfeeding.

When life gives you lemons…

When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.

I love this phrase. This phrase contains sadness and happiness. It directs the reader to make something fun out of something sad. In some strange way this phrase led me to some of the rebirthing sessions I’ve guided this week via video skype.

While this lady over fifty was crying her heart out over not even feeling she has a choice in different situations, she suddenly burst into laughter. Laughter changed into crying again. I was looking at my screen, a bit in doubt, because I wondered if she was laughing or crying. She cleared my doubt by sharing she was laughing. I commented that laughter heals, she totally agreed. I forgot to ask why she started laughing in the first place.

Another lady in her thirties started and finished the session off with laughter. In between she cried her heart and eyes out. She was able to direct her anger towards her parents in stead of down talking herself over and over again. She let out this destructive energy by stamping her feet, throwing her arms around, screaming the hell out of her and jumping up and down.

And this mixture of laughing and crying showed me these ladies were making lemonade. It shows a huge strength when you’re able to laugh when you’re feeling completely miserable.

The lemons given to the highly sensitive people I guide are diverse:

  • Being brought up by parents who are not able to communicate about emotions,
  • Being fired away as a kid by an angry and dominant parent,
  • Too be sensitive is to be weird, dreamy, a crybaby, shy, fearful, anti-social in the eyes of others,
  • Because of childhood trauma’s still living out of fear, anger, sadness, shame and guilt as an adult,
  • Growing up in an environment in which natural born talents were not seen nor stimulated,
  • Living up to parent’s expectations in stead of discovering your own path in life.

It’s up to you to make lemonade out of these lemons. It’s not easy, but it is sure doable. And you will finally fully enjoy your home-made lemonade!

Choosing to emotionally develop takes you to different surprising tastes of lemonade:

  • Embracing your highly sensitive self; yes, you are spontaneous, yes you are quirky, yes you are dreamy, yes you are a “mind & heart”-reader, yes you are attentive to the needs of others, yes you are creative, yes you are … (fill in the blanks yourself),
  • Attracting jobs, relationship(s) and friends which and who resonate with your soul,
  • Feeling safe, loved and appreciated on a daily basis; from self-love comes greatness,
  • More physical and mental energy to do the things you like,
  • Able to choose easily for the situations in which you will thrive and easily turning down the proposals which will drain your energy level,
  • Living your own path and feeling natural self-confident about the steps you take.

If you’re interested in finding out what life coaching and rebirthing can bring you, I invite you to make an appointment for an introduction session, either in my coaching practice in The Hague or via video skype. Click here to read more about the introduction session. 

HSP: when perfectionism meets self-love

Photo by Hans Jongman

Do you know those people who want to do everything perfect? Who put lots of time and energy in investigating what stuff to buy or which holiday to book? Their minds are unstoppable, they go over different scenarios in little time. They have high standards and  if the product or service doesn’t live up to the standard you will definitely hear from them. Or they feel a strong need to change it themselves when they have the knowledge and skills to do so.

For example, this newly wedded couple went to Ireland for their honeymoon. They booked their 5-star honeymoon through a travel agency. From the moment they passed the doorstep of the hotel an awkward feeling crept up this man’s back, the perfectionist. When he saw a glimpse of the bathroom he almost jumped out of his skin. He was outraged. The shower was very basic plastic and it looked unclean. The toilet tank was constantly running. He was very disappointed. His mind flooded with thoughts of making a fuss with the hotel manager, fixing the bathroom flaws himself, pulling his hair  out of his head and filing a complaint at the travel agency. He didn’t put any of this in action, because of their newly wedded state. He didn’t want to make matters worse.

But meanwhile he had to calm himself down. If it was for him he would never ever book a trip like this anymore through a travel agency. He would rather book all the separate parts of the trip himself. He needed to control things. The need to control is certainly one of the characteristics of a perfectionist. In his mind he is, in most situations, the one who will do the job better. Because of this and because he want to see a certain outcome he feels the need to control others as well. As for receiving criticism, a perfectionist will take this very hard or won’t be bothered at all, because he himself is his worst critic.

Perfectionist usually don’t take time to relax. They use up all their time to perfect outcomes. Behind this behaviour there are different emotional needs hidden. There is this need to be acknowledged for who he is, for acceptance, for receiving compliments and enthusiasm for his input. He has a strong emotional need to be applauded, because up until this point his ego is his motor. If he doesn’t fuel up his ego he will collapse, because his soul is weakened and sad.

There is always this fight between the ego and the soul. What would fear do? Fear wants to flee or want to continually work on better performance. What would love do? Love would be happy with the path and the outcome as long as you had fun doing it. Don’t we all want to feel self-confident in a natural way? Perfectionists are insecure, cause who they are and what they do are not enough.

In order to heal from perfectionism I am strongly convinced these people need many encounters with love, unconditional love. If you are a perfectionist and you are reading this, ask yourself this question ‘What do I get when perfectionism meets self-love?’ Below I present to you the answers.

  • Transformation of the critical voice into a loving voice
  • Be a fun person around others when things don’t go as planned or when other people mess up
  • Imperfection: being ok with failing
  • Less thinking, more trusting on gut-feeling
  • Less energy in research, more into creating
  • Being able to receive compliments and give compliments
  • Being satisfied with whatever you accomplish
  • Being able to ask for help & delegate

I have seen these outcomes while coaching highly sensitive men who regard themselves as perfectionists. It’s pretty confronting, but if you had enough of your critical mind and you are curious and motivated to work towards building a natural self-confidence, it will be worth your time and effort.

Are you interested in an introduction session? Click here for more information and to book an appointment. 

HSP Coaching and rebirthing via videoskype

It’s amazing to experience how my work as a life coach for highly sensitive people develops. The past week I had more videoskype sessions than one-on-one sessions in my coaching practice in The Hague. You might think it would be with people living in another country than The Netherlands, but less is true.

These highly sensitive men and woman were living in The Netherlands, except they didn’t live in The Hague. What made these videoskype sessions extra special was the fact that I was guiding rebirthing sessions. After five till 10 minutes of speaking to each other we started the breath-therapy session. Because most of them were recovering from a burnout they’re were happy to be able to stay at home.

Before suggesting to do rebirthing via videoskype I had them over at my practice. With some I have been working for more than half a year and some I received only once or twice. This new form of guidance all started by guiding a lady from Belgium. She travelled to my coaching practice in The Hague and booked two rebirthing sessions spread over two days. She stayed overnight. From the moment we started she opened up emotionally. That’s exactly what I need people to do so I can help them process sadness, anger, fear, disappointment, guilt and many more heavy weighing emotions.

During these rebirthing sessions she released lots of negative energy. Because of the distance I suggested to proceed via videoskype. My gut-feeling told me it would work well guiding rebirthing sessions in this way with this particular lady. Our experience proved right. I am still working with her and on a bi-weekly basis she benefits from releasing lots of heavy weighing emotions, clearing the mind, body and soul.

Based on my positive experience with her I suggested this way of guiding rebirthing sessions to others I am currently working with. If we are able to do the breath work via videoskype depends on the following:

  • We both know that I am the one you should be seeing for your mental and physical pains,
  • We both know how you physically react to the conscious connected breathing,
  • We both know and have experienced that you are able to express emotions; translating physical pain into tears, screaming and so on.

Feel free to contact me if you would like to start working on your life goals through videoskype or FaceTime. Click here for more information on the introduction session of 1.5 hour. 

Please visit my website Orchid of Life ~ Life Coaching to get to know my work as a Life Coach for Highly Sensitive People.

Rebirthing: standing up for yourself

Theme of the week: burnout, highly sensitive woman and men getting to know their emotional bounderies and opening up for sadness and anger. Their emotional roller coaster takes them to a much stronger position in which they feel confident to stand up for themselves. Standing up for yourself is key to maintaining a healthy work-life balance.

The highly sensitive people I speak all work hard and have a strong wish to pick themselves up quickly after a breakdown. They are stressed out and would like to see it as a breakdown, but instead they have to acknowledge it’s a burnout. It’s hard to accept how lost and to the bone tired one feels while recovering from a burnout. They feel mentally, physically and emotionally weak and vulnerable.

People recovering from a burnout walk around being haunted by feelings of disappointment, sadness, anger and guilt. They feel disappointed by their former employers, colleagues and often family and friends who don’t seem to understand their situation. During sessions we speak about the hurt, but mostly I guide them through their pain. Rebirthing, conscious connected breathing, is effective breath-therapy to release all these heavy weighing emotions.

Another aspect of people recovering from burnout is the weakened body. When you don’t know how to release these heavy weighing emotions, these emotions will weaken the body. You can find yourself being tortured by headaches, aching limbs, a slow or fast digestive system, hyperventilation or panic attacks. Rebirthing is the answer to heal the mental, physical, emotional and energetic body.

When I have people laying on an air-matress in my coachingpractice I guide them to open up for the “language” of their body. While doing the conscious connected breathing the body starts to “speak” by physical expressions such as coldness in limbs, tingling over the whole body, itching, cramps, pain in the belly, pressure on the chest and so on. At the height of physical discomfort I guide them to release pain. Sometimes the coachee/ rebirthee is able to release their sadness by themselves, but at other times guidance is necessary, because they simply don’t feel access to releasing the pain.

This week the focus was on guiding them to scream the hell out of them. Imagine these people, they are not used to standing up for themselves, let alone screaming the negative energy out of their system. It was amazing to hear them scream. My screaming helped them to get to know their primal scream. The scream which can stop negative energy in the form of accusations and anger coming your way making you feel guilty and lonely.

Are you interested in an introduction session? Book your introduction session here! 

Read more on rebirthing
Rebirthing: listen to your body
Rebirthing: breathing through despair
Rebirthing: release yourself from cold energy

 

 

Rebirthing: listen to your body

How often do we neglect physical pains and discomforts? Such as a twitching eyelid, headache, stomach pain, cold shoulder, restless leg and so on. Your body wants to be heard and has a story to tell. Stories on what you feel, of emotions which want to be released: sadness, anger, fear and guilt. Start listening, start breathing.

Today a highly sensitive man came in for his 11th rebirthing session. He was in total despair. The last couple of days he was at home after a difficult conversation with his supervisors. He wasn’t able to stand up for himself even though he knows his workload is too much for him. As a result of this meeting he had a headache above walking around with physical complaints such as obstipation and a twitching eyelid. 

For the past years he dealt with the workload and he was quite successful. It was exactly what he wanted. The past months his emotional development took him into a phase in which he needed to stand up for himself. He needed to stand up against his parents. The reason why he took up the workload was a deep desire to be seen, to be acknowledged for his presence, his abilities and knowledge. He had missed this during his upbringing. His parents had to deal with their own problems. They didn’t have the emotional space and consciousness to guide him. 

Emotional development takes a person to his or her own core, the place filled with joy, peace and self love. By continuously emptying this place of sadness, anger, fear, guilt and hate, one makes space for unconditional self love. This is not arrogant nor selfish, it’s essential to maintain emotional health and to start and maintain healthy relationships. 

During a rebirthing session of two hours I have seen this man change from a dead scared man unable to hold his position in conversation with pears to a man who communicated from a confident and strong place. He shared his professional successes and felt proud. He finally felt he was a good, hardworking and reliable human being and employee. Before he was never satisfied and was searching for more appreciation by doing much more than he could handle. He was able to continue this race for a long time steered by his head, his ratio. Hereby totally neglecting his body. 

The past months has changed his attitude in life in a positive way. He is on the verge of living out of love instead of fear. Soon he will make an appointment with his peers to discuss his position.

Two days after having posted this blog I received the following comment of the man I wrote about in this blog:

Thank you Chungmei. It was an amazing journey that I took together with you. Your power, sensing and serenity was inspiring me. And you know what happened after Wednesday: last week I succeeded to stand up for myself. The feedback that I received from my supervisors and colleagues was fantastic.

So I gave myself a big gift. When I came home, all the pain, fear and anger left my body while I was doing the conscious connected breathing. It was enormous intense, painful to feel all the emotions. But this was replaced by good feelings like: proudness, confidence, giving myself (inner) space, and realising what good qualities I have and being able to show these.

A turning point which was already going on, but I didn’t expect that these changes would go so fast. The energy is not there yet, but it is going up and I am doing it step by step. Unbelievable, I was struggling for so many years, but these sessions really helped me a lot!!

As we said a few weeks ago: I’m going to kick some ass and will shine. I’m going to fill this circle with a lot of love and positive energy. Namaste Chungmei.

So what about you? Are you walking around with physical discomforts? Are you in need of positive change? Feel free to contact me to schedule an appointment!

Click here for more information on the introduction session.

Rebirthing: breathing through despair

This quote summarises my work beautifully. This morning I witnessed a highly sensitive man in despair. Even though we have been working together intensively for two months, the last two weeks despair caught him. We started this session with Social Panorama, bringing into focus his current relationship with his father. This exercise brought up many emotions and from here we moved to the rebirthing session on a air mattress. He literally screamed the hell out of him. The hell encompassing anger, despair and sadness. Afterwards he felt relieved, the pressure on his chest and neck was gone, he was able to freely breath again. Tears of gratitude followed. And the belief that he is capable to achieve calmness and happiness in his heart and soul.

Let me fill you in a bit more about this highly sensitive man. He thinks a lot and he feels a lot. By thinking I am referring to his capability to process a lot of information in a short period of time. He is a hard worker, someone who has been working for the past eight years for the same company. He is paid to do one position, but instead he fills in three positions. He is a loving single dad of two kids. Along with the birth of his first child his emotional development got a boost. He was overwhelmed by the love he felt for his child. This is when he decided to talk to a psychologist. He is a man who grew up in a family without the loving attention and care a child deserves. His emotional journey brought him to a diverse range of psychologists, coaches, and professionals skilled in a physical aspect of health such as acupuncture.

All he had undertaken brought him finally to my work as a life coach and rebirther. What I remember from our first session was his question: “Am I right about you being able to handle my sadness, my pain?” Even though he felt he was right, he wanted my confirmation. He needed to check his doubt, because of his disappointment with previous psychological guidance. They weren’t capable of guiding him through the emotional turmoil which arose during sessions. What I noticed about him was that he was mentally and physically ready to undergo rebirthing sessions. From our first session onwards all we did was rebirthing. Today was the first day I decided to lead him through Social Panorama showing him the wrecker inside of him.

Leading up to this session he was conscious of the wrecker inside of him. That part of him who didn’t want to see the light of things, the beauty of things. The wrecker did his job well, he blocked him from moving forwards. The wrecker acted out of fear; fear of change of jobs, fear of feeling the pain. The wrecker also punished him by staying in that lonely spot, he didn’t feel like being social. In short, sitting in front me, was a wrecked intelligent, talented and loving man, in total despair. During these two hours I brought him to his pain. Of course he was willing to feel through the pain, the only thing was, he thought he couldn’t do it by himself. He was afraid of the pain and I fully understand his fear. The pain which left his system was enormous, was killing, was hell. He was furious, desperate and intensely sad.

After having guided him through his pain he mentioned several times “Now I feel calm, now I am able to breath again”. Tears of joy and gratitude flowed out of him. His belief in mental, physical and spiritual recovery had returned. He was relieved and I was super happy. One result was his answer to my question what he could change in the relationship with his father. While answering tears filled his eyes: “I am a giver, I give my attention to everyone except for my father. Soon I will ask him how is doing. I want to know.”

Would you be interested in a coaching session? Click here to read about the introduction session.