If you repeat an action it becomes true or manifest

love

When I met Chungmei again for my first session, we hadn’t seen for years. One wonderful day I added her on Facebook and we got in touch again. The timing was a total coincidence, but it was about the right moment. Between us, there was a distance of 1000 kilometers which we covered easily via Skype. When I started to talk to her I quickly got caught by her positive energy, and her very open attitude towards life and the experiences of people.

To me, that felt like a memory of a long gone time. The negative thoughts were never that strong in me as now, as many annoying things had happened in my life. I think everyone feels down at one time or the other. But what if you feel that much down that you slowly start to forget about the positives, and how it feels to feel positively… I feel completely out of control to successfully organize my future, be it in job, career or partnership. That is the situation in which Chungmei has offered her help to me.

I am curious to see what she would do. I know she has a different approach towards helping people. A very positive one. One of the things she mentions very quickly during the talk is the spiral of negative emotions. “If you repeat an action it becomes true or manifest”, she says. And yes, I am aware how often I came back to the same negative thoughts, not helping me to change even a bit of my situation but finally just ending up in complaining about the conditions I am in. My coach listens to me a lot and gives suggestions what to do. I am kind of empty inside, so there should be a huge amount of space to be filled up. What really annoys me is a good question as it can help me to focus on the real cause to get over.

Chungmei suggests that I should emphasize my positive qualities and skills. I even get a homework for doing this! So I am writing down what comes into my mind, all the qualities I can think of! Slowly the paper is filling… I note down my values… fairness, tolerance, harmony… and surely I will forget some of them, or I won’t realize that some values and features of me are a good quality which can be very helpful in my personal or professional life. If I see them clearly they might become even more true. However, I have the strong impression that other people don’t see or realize it. Perhaps Chungmei might give me some idea in what way I can make them clearer to other people. And how better to use them in my life for myself, focusing on it and making me overcome all the hindrances I am facing now…

Lifecoaching in action: make up your Balance Now!

1.Health
How do you feel today? Do you eat a healthy diet? Do you exercise on a regular basis? For example: it could be that you are suffering  annoying pains, but you don’t take action to get your fysical state back to how it always has been, because of lack of time. Is it lack of time and all the deadlines you are facing or is it about setting priorities? My belief is that your health is the basis of everything what is going on in your life. Everything revolves arond YOU! And if you don’t feel up beat because of different reasons then it is time to do something about it. Be honest with yourself.

2.Relationships
Do you make time for your beloved ones, the ones who give you energy? Do you have friends or relatives who sap your energy, every time you see them? As my partner and I are both ambitious people I often tell him that we need to see our dear family and friends on a regular basis. Because of our work schedule we have to give it some more time to balance our get-togethers with family and friends. Moreover, in case of family, they live all across Holland. Yes, Holland is a small country, but the travelling surely takes up time. Furthermore, be aware of spending time with people who affect your state of mind. Is it worth spending time with them? If they are, then it is best to keep your emotional distance. Act like a Buddha! People can spit their negative thougths, but know that these emotions are theirs to keep. If we are speaking about people who don’t actually mean a lot to us, then minimize the time you spend with them or when the relationship is too horrible, make up your mind about continuing the relationship.

3.Career
Can you see yourself in the same career in five years’ time? If that thought makes you think of five long years of stress and boredom, it’s time to start researching a career change Will your current actions put you in the position you want to be in, or will they mean that you never progress from where you currently are? What you can do  when it comes down to choosing the career which will fit you best is to visualize, for example, at least 9 moments of pure happiness, and then translate these feelings to work related pillars such as people you work with, working conditions, working internationally, in contact with people or more a solitary function etc.

4.Education
Are you thinking of additional education or are you already studying next to your full-time job?
Alternatively, are you taking on so many extra credit courses that you’re risking burn-out? In our society we all want more, better and it is also part of our status. But does it really make you happy? And if you really want to take additional courses or a Master Degree make it possible for yourself to lead a ‘normal’ life along the way! Keep seeing your friends, make time for love and enjoy the time you have. I often hear people saying that it only takes up 2 years of their life. Two full years of hard work and then what? The thing is that people forget that they live now. Everything is happening now, how are you able to postpone coming across the love of your life for example? It sounds like I am a dreamer, but I know first hand that it is possible. Recently I heard that someone decided to stop taking courses in his Master Degree. After one year of full-time working and studying he got tired of everything.

5.Opportunities
Something many people regret in life is not taking advantage of the chances that they have. Are you missing out on any opportunities at the moment? Imagine that you have your future-self looking back at the life you are leading right now and telling you to sign up for that course, take that class, reach out to that potential new friend, or volunteer for that big project at work? A good place to look for the opportunities you’re missing is to think about anything you’re afraid to try, or afraid to start. Those are the things that future-self wishes you would do!

By Chungmei Cheng
Lifecoach for Orchid of Life

Provocative Coaching: fun, challenging and confronting…

ants dream

…and FULFILL YOUR DREAMS!!

This year I started with the course Provocative coaching at the Institute for Eclectic Psychology in Nijmegen, Holland. The two days with a lot of practice were amazing. After having coached 5 years using the Rogerian approach to counselling, the LifeCoaching handbook tactics of Curly Martin, techniques from Neuro Linguistic Programming from the Practictioners and the Masters course, guided meditation and the Journey of Brandon Bays, I wanted to start working more creative, challenging and in a humoristic way. These three elements you find in Provocative coaching.

‘Provocative Coaching’ is designed to challenge and provoke you to overcome your problems and begin to move in a new direction. The style is conversational and action oriented with a focus on ‘how’ you do what you do instead of the analytical ‘why’ that so many therapies get stuck in.

The approach is about doing something different and looking at things from a new and fresh perspective. Unlike client centred therapy it is not a fluffy, nice and cuddly but getting nowhere this century approach. Neither is it about free associating on a couch while a psychoanalyst tries to make sense of it in silence once a week for the next ten years! ‘Provocative Coaching’ is about facing your problems head on and dealing with them and then creating a compelling and exciting future!

This approach is ideal for those who prefer to work at a conscious level as there is no hypnosis involved. The start point is defining a well formed direction in terms of where you are heading, assessing where you currently are, pinpointing the obstacles to overcome in order to get there and then setting out a specific plan to get there. The approach is supportive but challenging and is designed to provoke you to take action and do what you decide you want to do!

It is incredible and if you would like to get a taste of this style of coaching you can make an appointment with me on the following site: Orchid of Life -Lifecoaching. Before I started the course this year I already used the technique during coachingsessions inspired by the books of Jaap Hollander & Jeffrey Wijnberg. They are the trainers of the  course I am taking. The immediate positive effect of this coaching technique is flabbergasting. Do you take up the challenge?

The Lazy Manifesto: Do Less. Then, Do even Less

Twitter is a very handy tool to stay up -to -date. Through my sister Ouxu I read the article ‘The Lazy Manifesto: Do Less. Then, Do even Less. Leo Babauta from ZenHabits wrote this article about doing as little as possible. The best part of the article in my opinion, you find below:

  • Go with the flow. Imagine the effort required to swim upstream compared to moving with the flow of a river. If you go with the flow of things, rather than against them, you will naturally do less, and with less effort.
  • Don’t force things. A common mistake — trying to hard, forcing something that doesn’t want to be forced, forcing people to do things they don’t want to do. A lot of effort, action, and time is wasted. Instead, find a smoother way — think of water, which flows around things rather than trying to force its way through them.
  • Find the pressure points. In martial arts, instead of using maximum force, you are wise to find the points in the body where less force can be used to greater effect, whether that’s to cause pain or imbalance or some other effect. Well, I don’t advocate finding pain, but the idea of pressure points is a good one: if you can find the little spots where a little action can change everything, can go a long way, you have mastered the Do Less philosophy.
  • Let others do. Give others the room and freedom to move, to create, to invent, to learn, to work, to do, on their own. Less time, effort and action spent trying to control others means that you do less, but let others make things happen. It means letting go of control, but that’s a good thing. Other people have creativity, imagination, dedication, good ideas too.
  • Let things happen. Often our actions interfere with events that would happen without our actions. In other words, if we took no action, things would happen without us. Sometimes it’s better to let things happen. Step back, don’t act, things will happen without us.

If this inspired you, I recommend you to read the complete article: The Lazy Manifesto: Do Less. Then, Do even Less.