It is an excellent basement you helped me to anchor

anchor
Of the impossibility of building a house starting with the roof

Chungmei, no, I am not lazy! I am just afraid to write a summary about the past months… Because it is strenuous! Every time you asked to me to write a reflection I had to touch the thoughts of past pain so directly, without any filtering.

Since we met again after years, since you started to coach me, I have been in so many roles: a whole- day-socializing-me, a hopeless loser, the owner of a permanent ticket for the emotional rollercoaster, a tissue which is cheap to get but of superb value, a naysayer, a bullied child, a person demanding understanding of others and a dreamer to change reality.

But after all, after all your “treatment” – is really something different now? 

Well, people change their character, outfit and personality all the time. Even pain either slowly quits the mind or becomes a routine to feel. Now, in my case, I am still socializing a lot. But yes, I do take a lot of time for myself! I tell people online so often nowadays – sorry, I am busy, I can’t chat with you right now… And I focus on work instead. I don’t waste my energy anymore with useless people who just want to exploit me with their moodiness… Moreover, I don’t think I am such a big loser anymore. Just a small loser. And according to some people, a cute loser. No, don’t demand of me so soon to forget my former pretentious “life-partner” – his actions and those of his followers struck me so hard, it engraved itself so deeply into my mind, as it had changed my life so profoundly, and from the happy medium self-confident person I used to be I turned into someone still doubting about being able to work as a scientist after all.

Recently, I was in El Salvador to hold a talk in Spanish. Fully paid. During that week, my former professor in journalism offered me a PhD position back in Germany. A full scholarship! Am I not lucky? Didn’t I finally get what I wanted, after 4 years of struggling for it? After being bullied and being unexpectedly unemployed for so long? I finally would have the chance to combine practical journalism work with scientific investigation. But yes, I am not happy inside. I can’t make out the joy and the passion deep within me I used to have in moments like that years back. Because I still feel so bad about how those friends of my former boyfriend call me names behind my back STILL! Because this really still happens and they tell so cheap things about me, and the real bad thing is that people believe them!

What should I do then? Correct me, if I am wrong. I guess I should feel my core self more. The circle exercises you have done with me inspired me indeed. The imaginative exercises, even though I partially felt like needing a nap immediately afterwards because I felt so much exhausted from feeling too much.

This is what helped me most. And this is where many psychologists simply fail. I am tired of analyzing my self. Somehow it feels like it keeps me away from life, from feeling the vibrating pulse of my surroundings. You followed a different approach, the one of making my emotional world tangible. I like that, as it shows me that there can be more than just my circulating negative thinking patterns. It made me understand that I might have the chance to determine part of my life myself…! Still it takes time for me to trust into my capacity to change reality. Yes, it is all in my mind…

I liked very much the non-cognitive approach where you focused as well on my emotional side. Because I am not someone who can just manage his emotions by the thoughts. I understood only now that I am hyper-sensitive being which means that I perceive anything more intensely than the average person on this planet. Which is a gift for creativity but as well a curse as it comes to emotional turbulences so quickly by overstimulation. I know how hard it is for me to regulate those emotions, I know now that many people just don’t have the capacity to understand how intense my emotions can become. Therefore, I learned from you that I need to protect myself from it. And there is no discussion about it.

Yes, during the last months, I found a job, I found a really nice flat mate, additionally, a good friend is now staying with me for a month and we both understand well, I found so many nice new friends, and perhaps there is even someone to share my life with soon. But it will take time to feel the real enjoyment about it. It is an excellent basement you helped me to anchor – but I am still away from reaching the roof. Knowing what is behind me and supposing what is still ahead of me.

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Coachee Patricia: unexpectedly I felt closer to myself

When I met Chungmei she told me she was working as a coach. I was interested in the idea of coaching, because I still felt that a few things in my life could be improved although I had spoken with psychologists in the past because of my depression.

One of the things I wanted to work on was ‘love’. When it came to love relationships I had the feeling that I wasn’t able to open myself towards potential relationships. I didn’t find this easy to discuss, but with Chungmei all shame disappears, because she has an honest and practical approach: if you want something to change in your life, you better tell me what is going through your mind, because otherwise it will take very long before something happens. Again and again she proved to be very alert to what I needed and creative in coaching me.

Soon I found out that a lot more came to the surface then the questions for which I originally started with the coachingsessions. She guided me through my blocked and surpessed emotions in less than 10 sessions, while I have been going to different psychologists for years.

Now, a few months after the first session, I know why I was depressed. Moreover I know where to work on to prevent being depressed in the future. I am especially happy, because I learned to feel and live with an open mind. This was totally unexpected and at the same time the best that could ever happen to me. Chungmei is an extraordinary equipped, driven and upright coach.

Provocative Coaching: fun, challenging and confronting…

ants dream

…and FULFILL YOUR DREAMS!!

This year I started with the course Provocative coaching at the Institute for Eclectic Psychology in Nijmegen, Holland. The two days with a lot of practice were amazing. After having coached 5 years using the Rogerian approach to counselling, the LifeCoaching handbook tactics of Curly Martin, techniques from Neuro Linguistic Programming from the Practictioners and the Masters course, guided meditation and the Journey of Brandon Bays, I wanted to start working more creative, challenging and in a humoristic way. These three elements you find in Provocative coaching.

‘Provocative Coaching’ is designed to challenge and provoke you to overcome your problems and begin to move in a new direction. The style is conversational and action oriented with a focus on ‘how’ you do what you do instead of the analytical ‘why’ that so many therapies get stuck in.

The approach is about doing something different and looking at things from a new and fresh perspective. Unlike client centred therapy it is not a fluffy, nice and cuddly but getting nowhere this century approach. Neither is it about free associating on a couch while a psychoanalyst tries to make sense of it in silence once a week for the next ten years! ‘Provocative Coaching’ is about facing your problems head on and dealing with them and then creating a compelling and exciting future!

This approach is ideal for those who prefer to work at a conscious level as there is no hypnosis involved. The start point is defining a well formed direction in terms of where you are heading, assessing where you currently are, pinpointing the obstacles to overcome in order to get there and then setting out a specific plan to get there. The approach is supportive but challenging and is designed to provoke you to take action and do what you decide you want to do!

It is incredible and if you would like to get a taste of this style of coaching you can make an appointment with me on the following site: Orchid of Life -Lifecoaching. Before I started the course this year I already used the technique during coachingsessions inspired by the books of Jaap Hollander & Jeffrey Wijnberg. They are the trainers of the  course I am taking. The immediate positive effect of this coaching technique is flabbergasting. Do you take up the challenge?