She destroys everything good

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Many, many heartwarming stories come my way. For instance this story about a young lady in her thirties who came in for the first time. Sharing with me that awful things keep happening to her.

And now her heart was fallen apart again, because she destroys everyting good. She wasn’t able to keep a good man. She was afraid and unconsciously she was pushing him away. From the moment he confronted her with her behaviour she woke up and regretted her closed of attitude.

She definitely liked him. They shared laughs, good conversations and much more. Why was she pushing him away? During this session lots came to the surface. There was a strong self-destructive mechanism within her system fueled by low self-esteem and self-value.

Even though she repeated that it was over with this man she opened herself for my feedback. What I perceived was his loving behaviour, it was a time-out, it wasn’t a strong “no-don’t-want-to-be-with-you-ever-again”. They were both in pain.

After the session she gave back to me that they had good conversations, that she felt it wasn’t over yet and that she shared my summary of the session and they talked about the content. Fantastic. I felt so proud of her. She turned around her “faith”.

#love #communication #relationships #hsp #highsensitivity #lifecoaching #TheHague and beyond

Do you long for positive developments in your life? Book your session: Orchid of Life HSP Coaching & Rebirthing in The Hague and video calling 

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Achieve your goals with coaching via video calling

“Helping you grow into the person You want to be”

Would you like to speak to a coach while you’re comfortably at home? Well, than book your session with Chungmei from Orchid of Life – HSP Coaching & Rebirthing.

Currently I am using videoskype, FaceTime and Zoom, but I am open to use other types of video calling if you have an other preference.

More on coaching with Orchid of Life, read the following blogs:

What will be your investment? Please visit my website 🙂

I feel anxious and impatient about the house search

I am guiding highly talented people. They are highly sensitive and are in the process of fully embracing their sensitivity. It’s a shame most of them have a hard time acknowledging their talents. I am happy to help out guiding their emotional development. This week there was one lady in particular who experienced a major breakthrough during a coaching and rebirthing session.

Picture this: she is sitting on the couch and telling me they have to move again. It will be their third time in The Hague. She and her husband are expats. She didn’t smile, her facial expression was quite neutral. Since the previous weekend they started their house search together. After the weekend she continued the house search and set aside her own things: applying for jobs, an online course and being kind to herself as part of her path towards living from her talents. She didn’t look happy with her change of focus, but reassured me she was calm and positive towards finding a new home. I listened, took it in, but didn’t believe her.

When one is trapped in limiting beliefs and behaviour at some point you will feel trapped.

Instead of asking any further I invited her to lay down on the air mattress. Start breathing, start aligning with your body and soul. Start awakening your emotional body, because it will tell the truth.

When she was like 15 minutes in the conscious connected breathing she felt a huge pressure on her chest. It felt like an elephant stamping on her chest, she felt anxiety. She started sharing: I feel anxious and impatient about the house search. My husband is working full time and because of this I feel I need to do more, I feel like a 90% responsible whereas this could be a lot less if I would share more of my thoughts and feelings with my husband. It’s me, he is really nice and thoughtful and tells me to focus on my own things.

But I feel selfish if I would do so, focusing on my own things.

I stimulated her to pick up the conscious connected breathing. After 15 more minutes she felt lots of tension in her arms and hands. It hurt her. She asked if she could stop. Of course. And then, while feeling her body it sank in: that voice in her head, it’s not her own, it’s her mother’s voice telling her she is selfish. (and even more: that she needs a lot of attention, that she makes problems out of nothing, she is difficult)

From the moment she realised this, the tension slowly, but steadily left her arms and hands. She felt so relieved.

The coaching and rebirthing sessions I guide are both emotionally intense; it provided the space to process deep-rooted pain, and practical. This lady left the session with homework: involving her husband more in her world of thoughts and feelings regarding the house search, a good talk would do the work so she could focus and enjoy her own work again.

If you’re interested in an introduction session, click here for more information and to make an appointment. 

2011/2012 FRANTIC UNCLUTTERING

On the verge of 2012 I was to be found in closets, kitchen drawers, other types of drawers, close to the floor (mopping), relocating items we do not use, but want to keep, organizing our digital library, filtering toddler clothing and getting rid of things that do suck the life out of one healthy human being.

WHAT??!! This is not me. I don’t like to clean. I do love a glimmering kitchen sink, but on a daily basis we only mirror ourselves in the sink late in the evening or even the next morning. Organizing all sorts of stuff is not part of my normal behaviour. However I couldn’t stop uncluttering. I did it before breakfast. While having breakfast I thought of the things to unclutter. After breakfast I thought of strategic plans to continue uncluttering and meanwhile taking care of our toddler girl (almost 1.5 years) It was as if I was breathing the word ‘uncluttering’ all the time. Noooo, even worse, I was living the word ‘uncluttering’.How did it all came to this?

As you might know, my partner Arnold is having a rough time (burn-out/constant headache). This absolutely had a great effect on our household. Not only on our household: it took mine and his emotional development on a high speed train through Japan. Yeeeeeaaaaaahh, that’s us in the train while everything else proceeded. Not good. Not good at all. So one afternoon, halfway through November, I stopped the train; while flipping through the pages of a magazine an idea came to me. Arnold should go on a retreat. Over Christmas and New Year’s eve since these typically social events were undoubtedly too much for him to handle. I will take care of Amé and he should go wherever he wanted to go to.

The idea was received by a man who was already looking forward to spend Christmas holidays recharging by doing close to nothing. He was happy to say the least. The idea of being able to spend time by himself gave him the wings he needed to endure headache and obligations for five more weeks.

And now it all comes down to me again. Five days before he would leave some unfamiliar frustrating emotions got a hold of me. After a couple of days it became clear that these were in fact not quit unfamiliar; these were the ones I have been consciously working on since the death of my father (four years ago). Anger, fear and sadness. How come I didn’t see it coming? Or even recognized it from the beginning? Answer is simple: I was too busy keeping my head above water.

So my vision of having an enjoyable, quiet and happy time with family, reading and writing was painfully disturbed by an all-in unsafe feeling. A feeling of which I KNOW it needs to see the light of day some time. And the time was NOW. My father left his wife and two little daughters. Through the eyes of my child and our circumstances I get to know my inner child; the child who was left hurt.

These deep hidden emotions were unleashed by frightening thoughts of Arnold not coming back home. Based on reason I knew he would be safe and come back. I knew I would be safe and ok with the situation; being alone and taking care of our daughter. Only the combination of going through these awful emotions and carrying the responsibility of Amé was bizar. Besides lots of crying the unclutterer was born. Uncluttering provided me a feeling of safety and being in control. Nonetheless, if it wasn’t for my dear friends and unexpected new friends I would be lost anyhow: uncluttering sure can’t make up for a good shoulder to cry on.

After two weeks of uncluttering and getting to know my long hidden emotions I fully support the concept of leading an uncluttered life; on a material, fysical, emotional and spiritual level!

Relation -evaluation for Singles

I have been coaching singles lately. There are times that you can spend years as a single. Off course in your younger days it feels fine to be alone and work on your own ambitions, spent time with your friends and go on adventurous trips all over the world. But in time your ambition becomes reality. And then what? Deep down inside you could admit to yourself that you would like to share your life with someone after all these years.

Thoughts that could run through your mind are ‘I want a relationship, but somehow I am not open to it’ and ‘I have started the dating process through internet dating, but at the point of setting up a date, I find myself turning away from the computer and focus on something else’. A period of self -reflection motivated some coachees to take the step to lifecoacing. They admited to themselves that they would appreciate being guided towards a loving relationship.

Relation -evaluation
While being coached towards a loving relationship the relation -evaluation starts with exploring the limiting thoughts about love, about men and about woman.
– Men only want a relationship out of loneliness.
– Men have their routine and want us to just adjust to their schedule.
– Men are not thrustworthy. The same is said about woman.
– Woman have to many high expectations. Everything has to be perfect.
– Woman keep us busy dating, but after a few dates they don’t want to continue.
– Woman wait untill we make the first move.
– My life doesn’t allow me to come across the man/ woman of my life.

In the first phase of the coaching process we focus on where these limiting thougths come from. Is it because of bad relationships in the past, of feeling insecure because of a dominating older sister, of a non-emotional relationship with your father of always being taught to do the best you can? There are different causes. While going into more depth there is room to express grief, anger, disappointment and more negative emotions. These emotions could block you from having a loving relationship. Step by step you will let go of deep rooted emotions. You will experience space in your head and heart to create new thinking and -behavioural patterns to act out of love.

Coaching on Love Topics, take a look on: Orchid of Life -LifeCoaching.

A Spanish Handbook for Singles

A Spanish Handbook for Singles

Stepping out of the Comfort Zone -Brazil Part 2

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This is the second blog in a serie of blogs about our experiences in Brazil, where we spent 5 weeks this year. The reason for our trip was capoeira. My partner teaches capoeira in the Hague. His capoeira name is Vitamina. He represents Grupo Engenho, a Brazilian capoeira group, in the Netherlands.

Depending on my partner
Sometimes you just don’t want to think or lead within new situations. In particularly when you are on vacation. A well deserved vacation for which you worked hard. This was the case when we were in Brazil. Normally I am self sufficient and the independant woman that I have been the last 31 years! But this year I decided to DEPEND on my partner. Luckily I had a good reason for my lay back behaviour. He speaks Portuguese and I just started learning the language in the plain towards Rio de Janeiro.

Stepping out of my Comfort Zone
After 3 weeks full of capoeira classes and learning the language on a daily basis I felt comfortable and energized to accompany our Portuguese landlady to her yoga class. Untill now Vitamina lead us through public transport, grocery shopping, negotiating on streets and in shops and socializing with Brazilian people. It felt great to step out of my comfort zone. Walking alone on the streets taking pictures. And speaking to people at the yoga class. With my background as a coach and I believe primarily because of my genuine interest in people the conversations went beyond the usual social talk.

Coaching in Portuguese
I even enlarged my comfort zone offering coaching to someone who was definitely in need. When I first met this person I already knew I would offer coaching, but at first meet my Portuguese was way too poor to be coaching in this language. After 3 full weeks of studying and speaking I felt ready. We did 2 sessions and it worked out well for the coachee. Again I was convinced! People of every culture bump up against the same universal themes, such as: guilt, grief and anger.

On a personal and professional level this trip to Brazil was quit amazing!!

By Chungmei Cheng
Orchid of Life -LifeCoaching

8 Happy Boosters

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1.Comforting yourself with the thought that this will also pass. Today I found myself in a devestating melancholical mood. Hey, what do you know? Even though I work as a lifecoach, I am also human! I went this morning to the gym to exercise a bit, but it didn’t give me the normal booster like it does normally. So I had to give space to this feeling of sadness. I know that this isn’t a fun way to start the ‘8 Happy Boosters’, but it is a good example that these feelings eventually will pass. What should you do to bring yourself out of this state of mind? Well, first of all, allow yourself to feel this way and then move on with little steps. In my case I was moaning a bit and then I got dressed, stepped on my bike and started my to-do list.

2.Give yourself space to choose again and again. When you find yourself in a situation that you are experiencing a dilemma between what you want to do and what you have to do. Allow yourself to choose for the thing you want to do. In a world where we expect so much of ourselvels it feels like a real gift when you allow yourself to choose again and again. There is always a new situation. There is always a choice. Give yourself the freedom of being able to choose for the things that make you happy.

3.Disconnect yourself from anything close to technology; phone, internet, tv etc! Studies show that extroverts and introverts alike get a mood boost from connecting with other people. The flipside of being involved all the time is that it makes you tired. Acknowledge the fact that you want some piece and quiteness once in a while and pick up a book, go dancing or bake a nice cake!

4.Communicate how you feel. As I told you before, I felt bad today. Once I had done some of my to-do list I thought ‘aaaahhh, it would feel so good to tell someone about how I really feel. People always think that as a lifecoach you are never to feel unstable or undecisive. Well, to be honest, as a human being like you I also go through this fases once in a while and then I need someone else to give me some positive impulses. Today my sister gave me several positive impulses. She immediately sent a link to a interesting website and motivated me by sharing a picture of a delicious cake.

5.Dress yourself nicely. Research shows that how we act depends on how we feel, but it also works the otherway around. In fact, we often feel because of the way we act. As improbable as this sounds, it really works. When you notice that you are not really in the mood to do things, don not stay in your pyjamas all day, but dress yourself nicely, create new combinations and be prepared for another day of work, party or other celebration.

6. Take time to buy presents. In Holland the month December is full of giving and receiving presents, because of Sint Nicolaas and off course Christmas. When you also have birthdays coming up this and next month then you definitely need someone who buys all the presents, but with this Happy Booster I would like to tip you on taking time to buy presents, because the receiver will feel how much time you have spent on the present. Giving a present is actually showing your beloved ones how well you know them and the smile that appears on their faces with the first glimpse on the present is priceless.

7. Talk to someone you haven’t spoken for a long time. Some friendships go and some friendships stay. Tomorrow I will have dinner with someone who I consider a dear friend of mine, but due to certain situations we didn’t have contact for a while. I believe that situations pass and the feelings of friendship stay. If we will be close friends in the future time will tell, but I know that I will enjoy my time with her tomorrow.

8. Your lucky number! Eight is actually my lucky number!! What is yours? Since 8 is the lucky number of the whole nation of China I can proudly say that I have a lot of back -up. The more people think positively about something the more it will bring you. The Happy Booster tip I would like to give you is to focus on positive things in your life. This will indeed make you happyyyyy immediately. Think of the things for which you are grateful of and focus on these great experiences, people and so on!

With these 8 Happy Boosters, I hope I inspired you to do what you want and make yourself and others happy by just being YOU!!