Rebirthing: free yourself from fears

This quote is especially for the people who are already familiar with my work as a rebirther.

“Everytime we sit (breath) through an urgency barrier we get a fantastic realization of self, and learn more about the subconscious program that is controlling us.” ~ Leonard Orr

During the rebirthing process you have come across these “urgency barriers”. It’s when you:

• start yawning

• fall asleep

• wanting to move away from the physical expressions that have surfaced such as cramp and restlessness in legs and arms or huge amount of tension in the face

• thinking you can’t do this

• thinking it won’t help you any further

• doubting if you are breathing in the right way

• seeing images and feeling the urge to talk about it

• fear of what comes next, of the unknown

When these urgency barriers pop up I will guide you through it so you can experience how it feels like to live in a body and mind which has released physical and mental tensions.

You will experience more calmness in your body and more piece of mind. During the breathing process I tell people that every achievement they experience on the mat will somehow be reflected in their daily lives.

Imagine how it will feel like when you conquer your fears bit by bit! That’s amazing, that’s powerful and liberating.

A toast to you, my beautiful highly sensitive friends, for being courageous enough to step into this emotional development process in order to experience life as it should be. A life in which you feel relaxed, have much more positive thoughts than negative ones and feel the confidence to start new relationships and enhance the ones you have.

Would you like to read more about rebirthing? Click here…

Are you interested in starting rebirthing sessions? See my website for more information: www.orchidoflife.nl 

Warm regards,
Chungmei Cheng
HSP Coach & Rebirther

Drawing a line and taking care of myself

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Emotional bomb
What happens if an emotional bomb bursts? How deep will the breaks in the wall be? How much dust will cover the ground? Which colour will it have? Emotional bombs burst and often don’t even leave a trace. However, the explosion makes people run for cover.

A cloudy colour of dust is still extending to the last corners of my mind. Some days before, I was shocked to hear from an old friend that my former boyfriend who planned with me to settle for good actually never really had this intention – to settle… Means he didn’t mind to cheat on me for almost three years. After hearing this, that all drama from him was just set up as a kind of performance to make me blame myself, my mind became numb and even cloudier. Only few people will be able to break through. Is Chungmei among them? I wish but still I have doubts. But well, let’s try session number 3…

My coach brought up an interesting reason for my recent difficulties: She said I like guys with problems… I didn’t need to think long to admit that she is right. Until now, I managed to attract all kind of complicated guys. I tried to imagine myself as a collecting pond for all the hopeless cases on this world. Guys spitting on me giving me a costly ride on an emotional roller coaster. Don’t take this!, I have to listen from my coach. Spit on those guys, get rid of those Indian guys, and learn to draw a line, dear!! A stream of confidence flooded my numbness when I heard all this… Dear, you are a beautiful woman with writing skills! Wow, rarely anyone had ever said this to me before… the stream of positive thoughts increased… just since recently foreign guys call me hot chick… German guys never expressed this, and with them, you don’t really feel as a woman…

Should I really follow Chungmei’s suggestion of perhaps writing for an international magazine about my broad intercultural observations? And use the frequent explosion of my emotions to sharpen my focus and build an own base? I will think about it. But first, something very simple I have to practice: Drawing a line and taking care of myself.

To realize this part of my homework, I soon got a chance. Cause there was Adi. Problematic Indian Adi. He claimed to be my friend since one month. I came to him whenever he said he needed me because he felt bad. I had a soft corner for him and felt that someone needed me. It was a good feeling. Once, I was ill. Adi came to share – actually my cold! What a nice gesture. Except that we had been nothing but friends and he really didn’t need to take the pain of making himself to get a resistant cough. But finally, he succeeded and got ill, too.

That very night after the coaching session, he told how horrible he would feel. And implied several times indirectly that non of his few Berlin friends would have time to take care of him. That’s why he expected now me to join him. But it was already late evening, and I really didn’t feel like joining him. I knew him and I didn’t want to have another sleepless night, still being ill myself. The words of Chungmei freshly anchored in my mind, I rejected his phone call at 1.18 am and dared to say “No, Adi, I need to do something for myself now.” Well, immediately afterwards, he broke the friendship, called me an egoist and a racist. Just because I didn’t want to come “to share his cold”. I was shocked by his sudden emotional overreaction. But it was better that way. Now I didn’t only feel free, I had found more time for myself and the feeling that I got some of the messages Chungmei had in mind for me…!

Coachee Shenin: It was time for me!

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I AM ME AND…………….AND I AM HAPPY

September 2008 I decided it was time for ME. Time to get to know the real me, to reveal the real me and most important to be happy about me. To accomplish these “easy” tasks I decided to talk to Chungmei.

Who was I when I started my coaching sessions……………………

I was 28 years old, living in Amsterdam. I had a great job at a big international company, which came with a company car. When it came down to career planning I was very confident, I knew exactly what I wanted and how to accomplish my goals. However my confidence level on the social front was totally opposite. I had been single for almost 4 years, after being hurt and humiliated by my ex-boyfriend. Even though he broke my heart and was the cause of me losing faith in men, I was still having sex with him for a long time after the break-up. Please don’t ask me why! In the meantime I was also looking for Mr. Perfect…..Tall, black and handsome, ambitious, thoughtful, funny, romantic, between 30-35 has his own car, doesn’t live with his mom and to complete this not very demanding listJ. I am so not ready for kids so looking for a childless man.

All in all I wanted to become more confident and to be able to express my emotions more easily. In various coaching sessions we have gone through different coachingtechniques and I always went home with homework. Chungmei and I talked about the definition of my “dream life”, how to deal with having too high expectations. In which settings I am most happy. She gave me assignments like telling my cousin that I love her and that I will always be there for her. I mustn’t assume that she knows and take her for granted. She gave me advice on how I could get a better emotional connection with my mom. Months went by and I saw myself opening up, becoming more confident and just feeling happier about myself. I guess other people saw this to. During this time I met a nice man. I can say he is my ideal man. “What did I say again in the beginning my ideal man was; Tall, black, Handsome and between 30-35yrs…………….Well my hubby now is White, 43 and does everything on his bike. He has two children a 16-year old son and a 10-year old daughter. He’s sexy, thoughtful, we laugh a lot together. I can always count on him. He has beautiful blue eyes and he has a genuine kind smile.

I am in a very good place now. Very happy about ME and therefore able to be happy with somebody else.

Thank you Chungmei

Interested in Love Coaching? E-mail orchidoflife@gmail.com to make an appointment.
Kind regards, Chungmei Cheng

Coachee Antje: I got remarkably more self trust and strength

Homework: visualize your Ideal Love Relationship

Homework: visualize your Ideal Love Relationship

Already after a few sessions with Chungmei I felt easier in many areas of my life. I gained more confidence at work and became a proactive and valuable team member. Or at least, I started being realistically aware of my own values. Chungmei’s enthusiasm in supporting of a free and independent human being was clearly what I needed to find my own strengths in myself and bring them up even in my weaker moments.

One of the goals, which I defined for myself before starting the coaching sessions was to improve my ability to commit and build a beautiful relationship. I have been single for many years, as no one of the men I met seemed the right one to me. Like a miracle, a few days after starting working on it during one of our sessions, I met my boyfriend, and now I consider him the love of my life! Chungmei inspired me to visualize my ideal partner, which allowed me to enhance my idea of him.

The time we worked together with Chungmei was not always easy, as we went deep into the core of the pain. I got confronted with many feelings, which I was avoiding for years. It was painful, but necessary to let it go. The feeling of guilt was my company for years and it is much weaker now. I got remarkably more self trust and strength.

Antje coached by Chungmei Cheng of Orchid of Life ~ lifecoaching

Coachee Seline: Now I feel like undertaking action again

Through the internet I came across the website Orchid of Life. I had been looking for a coach for a while and visited a lot of websites. When I saw the website of Chungmei it immediately appealed to me. The tone of voice and the images are very personal. This was exactly what I was looking for.

The intake session at Chungmei’s practice confirmed the positive feeling I had. It wasn’t a clinic office, but an environment in which I felt at home right away.

My personal goal was to go through my life with more self confidence and a feeling of being relaxed. In particular at my work I felt insecure and I was scared to make mistakes. Chungmei knew how to get to the core of my problems. She made sure that I gave my own answers to my own questions and this resulted in a new feeling of being at ease with myself. My insecurity was the cause of getting stuck in my life. I did not have the guts to take new steps and I was afraid to fail. I also was scared of what people might think of me.

Through doing fun and sometimes confronting exercises I moved towards my goals step by step. Each and every time the conversations and exercises gave me energy. Now I feel like undertaking action in doing fun things in my work as well as in my personal life. I started going to the gym, I often meet with my friends and I go to my work with pleasure. Finally I can say:

I am who I am and that is fine!

Seline, 2008.

Would you like to be coached? See for more information the website Orchid of Life -LifeCoaching

Start building Self esteem and Confidence!

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Building self esteem is one of the steps to happiness and a life you enjoy more. If you have low confidence or low self esteem you will find it impossible to be the person you could be and your happiness will be limited. Self esteem increases your confidence. If you have confidence you will respect yourself and then you can respect others, improve your relationships and become happier. This is not a selfish goal as you will contribute more and share yourself with the world and those around you.

Some people come into my practice and they believe that they have a low self esteem. How did they found out? They started to search for information in books, on the internet and by watching programs on tv. Everything they have searched for confirmed exactly what they felt, but during the coaching process we found out that there was something else going on. In reality the coachee wasn’t given the space, time and recognition of his capabilities by his caretakers and therefore he couldn’t develop himself to be a happy adult. Especially when there is another child or children involved who need more care, then it is possible that the caretakers don’t divide their attention with the consequence that a child could feel neglected.

Children have their own fighting mechanism, so during childhood it could seem that everything is fine with the child, but as an adolescent growing up to be an adult the person can go through difficult stages because of experiences in childhood. The following example illustrates a positive attitude towards an infant who is discovering his body: What are you doing there in the corner with your toys Michael? a mother asks her 4 year old. I am rubbing with my willy against the truck. That’s is nice: Yes, that’s right, my darling. Does your willy get bigger? Yes, mom, look! Michael takes his pants off en shows his erection. Oh yes, I see now. Well, that’s nice? Do you want a cookie?

The mother in the example doesn’t feel ashamed by the situation and therefore she won’t label the action with her own limiting beliefs. The child is blessed with the attitude of his mother, because as an adult he will be able to enjoy in general, his own body and especially his sexuality. I could give you thousands of tips to build your self esteem, but the only tip I would like to give you is to take the dive into what really limits you to feel self confident. All the other tips you can find searching through every available media channel! 🙂

Improve your relationships with Social Panorama

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Without being conscious of it, you have fixed your position in society and your social panorama. This means that you always continue to be who you are, even if you want it to be different. The social panorama model is a psychological instrument with which we can change our unconscious map of social reality. In this model, interpersonal relationships are explained as cognitive constructions in mental space; we project people onto a mental location, and that location determines the quality of the emotional relationship. Problems with intimate relationships, self confidence, conflicts, power, families, teams, and organizations can be relatively easily analysed and solved with the help of the social panorama model.

You are in the centre of this ‘social panorama’; all significant people are projected on their own locations around it. The exact locations where the images of others are placed in someone’s social panorama have proven to be extremely meaningful. This lead up to the social panorama’s maxim: relation equals location. Or more precisely: the quality of a social relation is to a great extend governed by the spot where the inner image of the person is projected in mental space. (by Lucas Derks, founder of the Social Panorama)

My Social Panorama experience in Hong Kong
In 2006 I went with Lucas Derks to Hong Kong to attend a training on Social Panorama which was given by Lucas himself. The training was organised for consultants who are working in business and health care organizations. During the training I have seen amazing results by using this method. There was a Chinese man dealing with self esteem issues and slowly small changes were visible in his facial expression and his standing posture became more steady.

Furthermore I noticed a cultural difference with the Dutch culture. The Dutch express theirselves more in comparison to the Chinese. The Dutch share their opinions and emotions can be read off their faces. Generally speaking, Chinese people, who are born and grew up in China, don’t have strong emotional facial and bodily expressions. This means that as coaches we need to be more aware and take the time to guide them fully through the process. It was very interesting to see how acting upon these cultural differences made such a huge difference in the results.

Social Panorama as one of my coachingtools
I have used this method in my practice to the great benefit of my clients. For example one of my clients struggled with authority issues on the work floor. She had problems facing her manager when it came to salary negotiations or simply when they teamed up to discuss projects. She felt she couldn’t meet the high expectations of her manager. After I had guided her through the Social Panorama she felt herself being on an equal level with the manager and the high expectations she felt earlier weren’t that high in reality. She felt less dominated and her own feelings of being ‘not important enough’ changed for the better so that she was capable of meeting the expectations of her manager.

Read more about Social Panorama & see films on how it works on the website of Lucas Derks, Social Panorama.