Rebirthing: connect with the pain

This morning I told this over and over again to someone who was doing the conscious connected breathing on the air matress.

Just breathe.

Just breathe.

Breath continously.

Take a deep inbreath.

And let go of the outbreath.

Just breathe.

I was reminded of this session by a tweet of @iyanlavanzant “Through our tears, we get in touch with those experiences we have forgotten, hidden or buried away in our souls”.

My experience is that many times people are not able to cry over these long hidden and buried trauma’s. They are disconnected from it. I would instead say that it is through experiencing the tension in the body that we are able to connect with this pain, this sadness. This leads to releasing the physical tension through making sounds and/or tears. And the first: making sounds will enrich the experience of crying of expressing the hurt without any fear of someone overhearing you or getting stuck in a depression.

No, none of that, crying your heart out has a cleansing effect on the soul and it clears the mind.

Read more blogs about rebirthing…
My website: Orchid of Life HSP Coaching & Rebirthing 

 

Advertisements

HSP: how to get unstuck. 3 Tips!

IMG_2160

Today’s session with a highly sensitive young woman inspired me to share the following tips on how to get unstuck on a physical, mental and emotional level. I pointed out the physical level first, because this lady experiences that feeling of being stuck through her body. It feels like she is floating above the ground, her head is full, loss of concentration and finding herself in a social setting getting all nervous and insecure. Actually it was her asking me after a coaching and rebirthing session: ‘Can you tell me how to get unstuck when life brings me to this uncomfortable physical state again?’

I shared the following with her:

1. Cry

2. Take a shower or a bath

3. Sit in front of a fire

That feeling of being stuck comes from energy which is whirling inside of your system, but the energy can’t find a way out. You need to help that energy to get out of your system; your head, your body. That energy could be sadness, anger and fear (or a good mix) that you are holding onto, because you’ve never learnt how to express and let go of these emotions.

Cry
Well, first of all, what I’ve learned in my coaching practice is that many highly sensitive people find it difficult to cry. Even when they are at home alone. It could be out of shame of being heard or having to acknowledge that something or someone touched you. It could be out of fear, because you don’t know what will appear next when you actually start crying. Panic, hysteria, powerlessness, loneliness. I know one cool fact on fear: it’s not real. (not when you are standing in front of someone who is about to hit you, but the fear which tortures the mind)

Even when you think you don’t cry easily, there could be moments that you feel comfortable and safe enough to do so. For example when you are watching a movie that really gets to you or a song or while reading a passage in a book. Perhaps you have a partner or a dear friend in which you confide. When you feel stuck, reach out to what works for you so you can give that energy a little push to leave your system.

Apart from other people’s emotions, your own, energy from the land and buildings, highly sensitive people are moved by so many things such as beauty, arts, kindness. Feel your emotions and let your voice be heard. Keep the energy moving!

Take a shower or a bath
Lots of highly sensitive people pick up and absorb different emotions and energies, but somehow they are living their lives from out of their heads; planning, organising, thinking about what to do next. Residing mostly in your head instead of your body signals that most likely you are driven by fear. A question which pops up along these lines is: ‘What do I feel?’

Root of this problem is to be found in what trauma’s highly sensitive people have been through. One of the family dynamics that could be the cause of how troubled you feel now about what you feel versus what others feel is the following situation.

When you are a child you need parental guidance to feel what is yours and what is theirs. When parents are going through their own issues and matrimonial issues this puts a huge weight on the shoulders of the most sensitive child in the family. This child is conscious of the tension and stands up to help out, guide their parents or sisters and brothers. While the child is playing this rol of mediator he or she won’t have enough space to develop their inner emotional world. That is to say: they are always on the look out for what needs to be done instead of feeling how they are wounded by the family problems.

Being on the look out is simply being afraid of what’s next. What fight, discussion will arise? I know I took a deep dive in psycho land by sharing this with you, but this is how it is. On a daily basis we might not know why we feel stuck, but taking a trip down memory lane will give you answers. But to keep my tip low profile, when you feel stuck, but you can’t put your finger on it, then I would like to encourage you to take a shower or a bath. It cleanses your energetic body, it brings you back in your body, back in the now. If you need several showers or baths in one day, just do it.

Sit in front of a fire
Same goes for sitting in front of a fire. The fire cleanses your energetic body. Moreover it calms down your mind. Just simply stare at the flames and you will feel the effect. If you don’t have a fire in the house, you could buy a bunch of candles. Put these close to each other and let these flames do the work. If you’re lucky to own a garden or have friends with gardens you could buy a fire pit and make a fire outside.

Of course there are many other ways to get unstuck: get out of the house to get fresh air and take a long walk, write, manual work, sports, yoga, massage, crafts, meditate and simply sit down and breathe. In this blog I’ve put forward ‘crying, taking a shower or a bath and sit in front of a fire’ because up until now people I guide in my coaching practice were so happy to receive them. I hope these tips will work for you too.

Website: Orchid of Life ~ HSP Coaching & Rebirthing 

Are you curious to what a coaching & rebirthing session can do for you? Make an appointment for an introduction session. Click here for more information. 

I wish you enough

IMG_4078

I Wish You Enough

Recently I overheard a mother and daughter in their last moments together at the airport. They had announced the departure. Standing near the security gate, they hugged and the mother said, “I love you and I wish you enough”.

The daughter replied, “Mom, our life together has been more than enough. Your love is all I ever needed. I wish you enough, too, Mom”.
They kissed and the daughter left. The mother walked over to the window where I was seated. Standing there I could see she wanted and needed to cry. I tried not to intrude on her privacy but she welcomed me in by asking, “Did you ever say good-bye to someone knowing it would be forever?”

“Yes, I have,” I replied. “Forgive me for asking, but why is this a forever good-bye?”

“I am old and she lives so far away. I have challenges ahead and the reality is – the next trip back will be for my funeral,” she said.

“When you were saying good-bye, I heard you say, ‘I wish you enough’. May I ask what that means? “.

She began to smile. “That’s a wish that has been handed down from other generations. My parents used to say it to everyone”. She paused a moment and looked up as if trying to remember it in detail and she smiled! Even more. “When we said, ‘I wish you enough’, we were wanting the other person to have a life filled with just enough good things to sustain them”. Then turning toward me, she shared the following as if she were reciting it from memory.

I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright no matter how grey the day may appear.
I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun even more.

I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive and everlasting.

I wish you enough pain so that even the smallest of joys in life may appear bigger.

I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.

I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.

I wish you enough hellos to get you through the final good-bye.
She then began to cry and walked away.

They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them but then an entire life to forget them.

Source: a friend who posted this on Facebook.

Lifecoaching: as a child I believed in magic

play capoeira

For like 28 years I thought I only had one massive problem in my life: stuttering. I tried a try-out session with Life Coach Chungmei. It was interesting, she asked questions, I spoke, I did an exercise… And from out of nowhere, I started to cry! I was crying, and surprised and shocked that I was crying. This was really weird for me.

Luckily for me I kept myself busy with creating a burn – out. One year later I succeeded. My second coaching setting was a fact. I set down and she mirrored my non-verbal communication extremely sharp. Subconsciously I acted to be ready for any thing: arms wide, an ‘I am in control look’ in my eyes, and ask something like: so coach ask me a smart question?! Well, instead she told me: Well, you don’t seem ready to open up. After which she imitated my posture and look in my eyes. Do you want to be coached? Right away I felt that she didn’t fall for my act. I felt that one: my head down, arms normal, and after digesting a little bit of my fakeness, I said: yes I am ready.

Burn-out & learning to feel
What I did to burn my self out was only living in my head, not even feeling my own heart beat. During my third ‘succesful’ study, I burned out. I didn’t understand, and even less did I feel why. Chungmei guided me through this process. Some topics, in random order, we have worked on were:

  1. Why am I a perfectionist?
  2. Why do I train extremely hard?
  3. Why am I always busy?
  4. Why do I stutter?
  5. How come I don’t feel my body?
  6. What caused the burn out ?
  7. Why do I stop breathing when I think longer than 1 minute?

Answers were: I felt I was not good enough, so everything needed to be perfect. I felt a lot of surpressed emotions and had surpressed emotions myself which caused intense stress. My coping mechanism was using my head, and satisfying others and my main man Mr. Society.

This I understood after being lead through different exercises and questions no one ever asked me. With one single question she could make me feel my sadness of being so stressed. Or scared, or….unhappy. Because that’s the overal feeling: I was not happy, and was basically killing myself with thinking, studying and working. Without the burn – out to stop me, I was dead by now.

It may sound a bit extreme, but seriously she saved my life. Thank you for that. Thank you for letting go of everything that didn’t belong to me. For the first time in my life, I feel who I am, what I want to do. I became a better husband, a better person, a better father after being coached intensively by you. With better I mean more me, because that’s all there is right? I believe the best I can be is the closest to who I really am.

Now, that I write this I think of words that could describe the thankfulness that I feel in my heart. Being coached by you and feeling myself was my biggest gift after being born. It was a great pleasure being coached by someone so naturally connected with the Universe. Someone who coached so intuitively, so in the moment.

As a child I believed in magic, felt happiness in playing. Somewhere in high school I started to believe in the world of thoughts, studies, work and society. I am 32 now, and life is magic again.

By Arnold Baldé