The healer you have been looking for is your own courage

Whenever I guide sessions I witness so much emotional growth in people. I feel energized and excited to work on next steps in all I do and share on social media.

Let’s share our sensitivity, our vulnerability, because it’s a gift and our strength.

Today a client of mine thanked me for having written a piece on her emotional development. She saw it passing by on the facebook page high sensitivity and intuition. While she was reading it she was struck by recognition: it was about her development! And then the amazing thing happened. She felt empowered.

Shortly after having read the blog they had their neighbours over for a visit and she talked about her emotional growth and mentioned my name and work. She wouldn’t have done that normally as the introverted person she is, but she felt so happy and strong.

The next courageous thing she did was tell her mom about the blog. Her mom wanted to read it and while doing so my client was doing all kinds of stuff to calm her nerves. She was afraid for her mom’s reaction. Her mom was impressed and happy for her. What a relief! For years she has battled her fears, but now she finally surrendered and is working through the fears. My client was so happy with my blog, because for once she didn’t have to explain what she was going through.

She had also passed on the good news about her mental health to her general practitioner who once had to hold her in his arms, because she came over with a panic attack. The general practitioner asked for my name and work. How awesome is that!!

This is one of the aims I’m working on. I want to share my work with mental and physical practitioners working in health care. Slowly but steadily I’m working in growing my network in order to get everyone BREATHING.

And thanks to my lovely and very much appreciated clients I feel the flow of life, my mission and vision getting carried out in an effortless way. Yeah!

Get to know my work: Orchid of Life HSP Coaching & Rebirthing in The Hague and beyond 

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HSP: learn to deal with negative energy

negativity

Highly sensitive people are more prone to negative energy. Negative energy weakens us in many ways. All of a sudden we feel blurry in the head, weak in the knees or are struck by stomach cramps. In most of the situations we are also overwhelmed by an incapacity to speak up for ourselves. In my coaching practice I have seen men and woman passing by who were willing to work on this, they signaled their inability to handle negative energy and wanted to get to the core of this.

There was this guy in particular who suffered hyperventilation after an outburst of a client. He was sent of to a house to fix the things his colleague failed to do properly. The client showed his disappointment to him even though he knew he wasn’t the one who caused the problem. At the moment he handled it with care, but the energy filled with disappointment and anger fired up his way was whirling around in his system for days, especially in his head!

In his head he would fantasize about future scenarios about conflicts with his employer, colleagues and clients.

And what to do if you’re working with a boss who’s emotional state is unpredictable and confusing? Highly sensitive people feel every change in other people’s emotional state of being. They feel alerted when someone comes in at a meeting, a drink or at the grocery store with an emotional state which can be described as sad, frustrated or downright grumpy. Depending the situation they feel like running away or sit still and wait for the right moment to step in. In this case, when working with a boss who comes in one day super happy and the next day as if the company would collapse in front of his eyes, what would you do as a highly sensitive person?

The answer to this question can be find at the core of the “problem”. I have written problem in between brackets, because I’d rather perceive emotional/ psychological “problems” as chances to work on one’s emotional being. In all of the situations above the negative energy experienced can be traced back to the highly sensitive people’s childhood. When we don’t know how to deal with negative energy in daily adult situations this is a signal that we haven’t learnt to deal with different negative energy’s in the past.

Energy can be read as in “emotions”, basic emotions such as anger and sadness.

We could differentiate these emotions as disappointment, frustration, irritation, mourning, hatred, anguish and envy among many more. These emotions are seen as negative and therefore I will refer as them as such, but in my view of personal development these emotions are the gateway to emotional freedom and a strong belief of self.

In childhood our relationship with our caretakers influence the way we handle emotions of others and of ourselves. When we haven’t healed our emotional wounds we are consciously or unconsciously tortured by our reactions directed by our wounded inner child. The wounded inner child will attract the experiences in life in order to emotionally grow. A highly sensitive person raised by caretakers who were still walking around with their own pain; anger and sadness will automatically absorb these negative emotions. They are not able to experience these emotions separate from themselves. Depending on the character of the child and the relationship to their caretakers the child’s mental and emotional development will be influenced.

What happens in adult life is that people, when open for personal development, start to discover the root of their behavioral patterns. Aha, so the reason I can’t handle disappointment is because I have compensated my insecurities by doing the most sublime work I am able to do in order for my father to notice me. And walking around with an overall feel of insecurity about me taking upon so much responsibility is because my mom did everything possible for me. Whenever I needed help she was there. She wanted to be there, because her parents died on her when she was young. She didn’t even get to know them.

I have spoken many highly sensitive people who are living with the best intentions and doing the best they can for their families, but with one caretaker blowing them away with unexpected anger which had nothing to do with them, they walk around in life feeling afraid of opening their mouth. They are just paralyzed by misplaced anger. And there is this hunger, this innate need for acknowledgment of who they are and this desire to be valued for their actions. In the end, they are the ones who will give all of these positive emotions to themselves. They are worth to feel every single bit of emotion running through their veins.

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Life Coaching: teaching children emotional understanding

green

The most important lesson I learnt from my own emotional development: as children we believe the emotions of our caretakers. Unless we have been raised otherwise like we have raised Amé. After an outburst we always have explained Amé why we reacted like that. She has come to a very advanced emotional understanding, because of all we have shared with her.

Meatless Mondays

This is an excellent initiative: Meatless Mondays. It’s an international campaign to improve your health and the health of the planet by eating less meat. In our household we eat at most two times a week meat. Actually our food patterns have changed quite a lot in 2011. Below a scrap from the blog ‘Looking back on 2011’. 

Food
As a part of Arnold’s fysical and emotional development he started to bake his own bread. After a visit to a mesoloog; someone who practices the art of identifying what nutrients the body needs, lacks or is allergic to. He needed to avoid some nutrients so we started to do more grocery shopping at the organic food stores. So besides white rice, potatoes, pasta we added quinoa, pasta made from spelt, pancakes made from spelt, buckwheat, couscous, corn, taro, cassava and a whole range of pulses. In 2008 I promised my grandfather to avoid the deep frozen fish from the supermarkets. In 2009 he passed away. In 2010 our daughter was born. And halfway through 2011 I decided to definitely switch to super fresh fish: keeping my promise. Ever since we buy our fish in Scheveningen or at the Hague market. With regards to meat; we started eating more organic meat. There is no definite switch from my side and by exception I eat non-organic meat served by restaurants, family or friends.

2011/2012 FRANTIC UNCLUTTERING

On the verge of 2012 I was to be found in closets, kitchen drawers, other types of drawers, close to the floor (mopping), relocating items we do not use, but want to keep, organizing our digital library, filtering toddler clothing and getting rid of things that do suck the life out of one healthy human being.

WHAT??!! This is not me. I don’t like to clean. I do love a glimmering kitchen sink, but on a daily basis we only mirror ourselves in the sink late in the evening or even the next morning. Organizing all sorts of stuff is not part of my normal behaviour. However I couldn’t stop uncluttering. I did it before breakfast. While having breakfast I thought of the things to unclutter. After breakfast I thought of strategic plans to continue uncluttering and meanwhile taking care of our toddler girl (almost 1.5 years) It was as if I was breathing the word ‘uncluttering’ all the time. Noooo, even worse, I was living the word ‘uncluttering’.How did it all came to this?

As you might know, my partner Arnold is having a rough time (burn-out/constant headache). This absolutely had a great effect on our household. Not only on our household: it took mine and his emotional development on a high speed train through Japan. Yeeeeeaaaaaahh, that’s us in the train while everything else proceeded. Not good. Not good at all. So one afternoon, halfway through November, I stopped the train; while flipping through the pages of a magazine an idea came to me. Arnold should go on a retreat. Over Christmas and New Year’s eve since these typically social events were undoubtedly too much for him to handle. I will take care of Amé and he should go wherever he wanted to go to.

The idea was received by a man who was already looking forward to spend Christmas holidays recharging by doing close to nothing. He was happy to say the least. The idea of being able to spend time by himself gave him the wings he needed to endure headache and obligations for five more weeks.

And now it all comes down to me again. Five days before he would leave some unfamiliar frustrating emotions got a hold of me. After a couple of days it became clear that these were in fact not quit unfamiliar; these were the ones I have been consciously working on since the death of my father (four years ago). Anger, fear and sadness. How come I didn’t see it coming? Or even recognized it from the beginning? Answer is simple: I was too busy keeping my head above water.

So my vision of having an enjoyable, quiet and happy time with family, reading and writing was painfully disturbed by an all-in unsafe feeling. A feeling of which I KNOW it needs to see the light of day some time. And the time was NOW. My father left his wife and two little daughters. Through the eyes of my child and our circumstances I get to know my inner child; the child who was left hurt.

These deep hidden emotions were unleashed by frightening thoughts of Arnold not coming back home. Based on reason I knew he would be safe and come back. I knew I would be safe and ok with the situation; being alone and taking care of our daughter. Only the combination of going through these awful emotions and carrying the responsibility of Amé was bizar. Besides lots of crying the unclutterer was born. Uncluttering provided me a feeling of safety and being in control. Nonetheless, if it wasn’t for my dear friends and unexpected new friends I would be lost anyhow: uncluttering sure can’t make up for a good shoulder to cry on.

After two weeks of uncluttering and getting to know my long hidden emotions I fully support the concept of leading an uncluttered life; on a material, fysical, emotional and spiritual level!

Looking back on 2011

2011 has set the tone for the rest of my life. Some major changes took place in a year which can be characterized as ‘slow living’.

Relationship

We have learned a lot from our relationship since it is pretty difficult to deal with burn-out. My partner Arnold is suffering continuous headache and had just about enough energy to teach capoeira a couple of times a week. Everything else weighed on my shoulders. There was no ‘us-time’, because there was no energy. I had to accept that if I wanted to do ‘fun stuff’ I had to do this alone or with friends. He didn’t even have the energy to think about ‘accepting the situation’. In stead he crawled into bed and in a later stage he could go out for walk in the forest or at the beach. And that’s about it. Being alone in a relationship is tough. This goes for the both of us.

My deep respect goes to what he did for my birthday. Even though he didn’t have the energy, he tapped into his willpower to surprise me with a gift on the morning of my birthday; a child’s seat for the bicycle. Our eyes filled with tears. In return I still haven’t done anything special for his birthday. I feel bad and than he reassures me: you do enough for me, thanks. Luckily our strong belief that these tough times would be for the better got us through 2011.

Parenthood
Every day our sun rose between six and seven o’clock in the morning. We are blessed to be her parents. She is cheerful and happy. She sleeps like a rose; 12 hours each night, and eats like a horse; everything we serve her. Where Arnold could loosen up the parenting I could be more clear in saying-no when she’s asking for the food on my plate while in fact she was done eating. All together we’re blessed that despite his illness both of us are on the top of things concerning her development.

Food
As a part of Arnold’s fysical and emotional development he started to bake his own bread. After a visit to a mesoloog; someone who practices the art of identifying what nutrients the body needs, lacks or is allergic to. He needed to avoid some nutrients so we started to do more grocery shopping at the organic food stores. So besides white rice, potatoes, pasta we added quinoa, pasta made from spelt, pancakes made from spelt, buckwheat, couscous, corn, taro, cassava and a whole range of pulses. In 2008 I promised my grandfather to avoid the deep frozen fish from the supermarkets. In 2009 he passed away. In 2010 our daughter was born. And halfway through 2011 I decided to definitely switch to super fresh fish: keeping my promise. Ever since we buy our fish in Scheveningen or at the Hague market. With regards to meat; we started eating more organic meat. There is no definite switch from my side and by exception I eat non-organic meat served by restaurants, family or friends.

Work
Summer 2011 we both realized what our focus concerning career should be. I discovered my path in coaching after having practiced coaching for 8 years both on individual- and group level.  This is coaching highly sensitive people on all topics of life and coaching people to act out of their core being; acting upon their intuition. Arnold decided to finish his third studies in the field of nutrition (bachelor food and dietetics) and continue working as a capoeira teacher for adults and children. I believe it was his ninth year of having practiced capoeira. So it seems that four years ago our lives have come together for a reason; sustaining and supporting fysical, mental and inner growth.

To conclude 2011: we learned that trust and accepting the situation as it is, makes for a solid foundation on which inner growth is possible.