Rebirthing: I want to like myself

flowers

It was during our second session. She said: ‘I have visualised this breathing session over and over again. The thoughts popped up were: I have to do my utmost best and I want to stop breathing. The second part was on repeat. It would be her first breathing session. She was afraid, dead scared. At the same time she was curious and looking forward to the experience.

I instructed her by telling she should share her fear based thoughts with me when these would pop up. Also I wanted to hear about the physical expressions inflicted by the conscious connected breathing.

She started breathing on an air mattress.

Inhaling, exhaling, inhaling and exhaling in circles. She continued and she was motivated. At first she felt a tingling sensation all over her body. Shortly after a headache came up at the left side of her head. She felt an ache on her back and a bump in her throat. She continued breathing and the headache got less while another physical expression appeared: there was a kind of a cramp in her face, she felt her mouth tightening.

A thought appeared as a reaction to her “small mouth”: she picked on it, she found it stupid that her mouth felt tiny. From here on I guided her towards releasing the emotions in relationship to the physical expressions and how she picked on her small mouth. I can’t remember the exact words, but they worked: tears rolled down her cheeks.

After the breathing session we spoke about what she felt. She was sad, but hugely relieved: now I know why I always feel I am not good enough. I don’t like myself.

I want to like myself.

Also read: Rebirthing: standing up for yourself 

When life gives you lemons…

When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.

I love this phrase. This phrase contains sadness and happiness. It directs the reader to make something fun out of something sad. In some strange way this phrase led me to some of the rebirthing sessions I’ve guided this week via video skype.

While this lady over fifty was crying her heart out over not even feeling she has a choice in different situations, she suddenly burst into laughter. Laughter changed into crying again. I was looking at my screen, a bit in doubt, because I wondered if she was laughing or crying. She cleared my doubt by sharing she was laughing. I commented that laughter heals, she totally agreed. I forgot to ask why she started laughing in the first place.

Another lady in her thirties started and finished the session off with laughter. In between she cried her heart and eyes out. She was able to direct her anger towards her parents in stead of down talking herself over and over again. She let out this destructive energy by stamping her feet, throwing her arms around, screaming the hell out of her and jumping up and down.

And this mixture of laughing and crying showed me these ladies were making lemonade. It shows a huge strength when you’re able to laugh when you’re feeling completely miserable.

The lemons given to the highly sensitive people I guide are diverse:

  • Being brought up by parents who are not able to communicate about emotions,
  • Being fired away as a kid by an angry and dominant parent,
  • Too be sensitive is to be weird, dreamy, a crybaby, shy, fearful, anti-social in the eyes of others,
  • Because of childhood trauma’s still living out of fear, anger, sadness, shame and guilt as an adult,
  • Growing up in an environment in which natural born talents were not seen nor stimulated,
  • Living up to parent’s expectations in stead of discovering your own path in life.

It’s up to you to make lemonade out of these lemons. It’s not easy, but it is sure doable. And you will finally fully enjoy your home-made lemonade!

Choosing to emotionally develop takes you to different surprising tastes of lemonade:

  • Embracing your highly sensitive self; yes, you are spontaneous, yes you are quirky, yes you are dreamy, yes you are a “mind & heart”-reader, yes you are attentive to the needs of others, yes you are creative, yes you are … (fill in the blanks yourself),
  • Attracting jobs, relationship(s) and friends which and who resonate with your soul,
  • Feeling safe, loved and appreciated on a daily basis; from self-love comes greatness,
  • More physical and mental energy to do the things you like,
  • Able to choose easily for the situations in which you will thrive and easily turning down the proposals which will drain your energy level,
  • Living your own path and feeling natural self-confident about the steps you take.

If you’re interested in finding out what life coaching and rebirthing can bring you, I invite you to make an appointment for an introduction session, either in my coaching practice in The Hague or via video skype. Click here to read more about the introduction session. 

Rebirthing: listen to your body

How often do we neglect physical pains and discomforts? Such as a twitching eyelid, headache, stomach pain, cold shoulder, restless leg and so on. Your body wants to be heard and has a story to tell. Stories on what you feel, of emotions which want to be released: sadness, anger, fear and guilt. Start listening, start breathing.

Today a highly sensitive man came in for his 11th rebirthing session. He was in total despair. The last couple of days he was at home after a difficult conversation with his supervisors. He wasn’t able to stand up for himself even though he knows his workload is too much for him. As a result of this meeting he had a headache above walking around with physical complaints such as obstipation and a twitching eyelid. 

For the past years he dealt with the workload and he was quite successful. It was exactly what he wanted. The past months his emotional development took him into a phase in which he needed to stand up for himself. He needed to stand up against his parents. The reason why he took up the workload was a deep desire to be seen, to be acknowledged for his presence, his abilities and knowledge. He had missed this during his upbringing. His parents had to deal with their own problems. They didn’t have the emotional space and consciousness to guide him. 

Emotional development takes a person to his or her own core, the place filled with joy, peace and self love. By continuously emptying this place of sadness, anger, fear, guilt and hate, one makes space for unconditional self love. This is not arrogant nor selfish, it’s essential to maintain emotional health and to start and maintain healthy relationships. 

During a rebirthing session of two hours I have seen this man change from a dead scared man unable to hold his position in conversation with pears to a man who communicated from a confident and strong place. He shared his professional successes and felt proud. He finally felt he was a good, hardworking and reliable human being and employee. Before he was never satisfied and was searching for more appreciation by doing much more than he could handle. He was able to continue this race for a long time steered by his head, his ratio. Hereby totally neglecting his body. 

The past months has changed his attitude in life in a positive way. He is on the verge of living out of love instead of fear. Soon he will make an appointment with his peers to discuss his position.

Two days after having posted this blog I received the following comment of the man I wrote about in this blog:

Thank you Chungmei. It was an amazing journey that I took together with you. Your power, sensing and serenity was inspiring me. And you know what happened after Wednesday: last week I succeeded to stand up for myself. The feedback that I received from my supervisors and colleagues was fantastic.

So I gave myself a big gift. When I came home, all the pain, fear and anger left my body while I was doing the conscious connected breathing. It was enormous intense, painful to feel all the emotions. But this was replaced by good feelings like: proudness, confidence, giving myself (inner) space, and realising what good qualities I have and being able to show these.

A turning point which was already going on, but I didn’t expect that these changes would go so fast. The energy is not there yet, but it is going up and I am doing it step by step. Unbelievable, I was struggling for so many years, but these sessions really helped me a lot!!

As we said a few weeks ago: I’m going to kick some ass and will shine. I’m going to fill this circle with a lot of love and positive energy. Namaste Chungmei.

So what about you? Are you walking around with physical discomforts? Are you in need of positive change? Feel free to contact me to schedule an appointment!

Click here for more information on the introduction session.

Life Coaching: looking back on 2015

wings

In this blog I will answer some questions to reflect on my work and development as a life coach in 2015.

How have you lived and worked in alignment with your values and vision?

Keyword I had chosen for 2015 was simply to “be”. It sounds simple, but I believe for many people it’s life biggest personal challenge to just be who you are, including for myself. As a life coach this year has been a year full of amazing emotional growth for myself, my partner and all the people I have coached. In alignment of my vision I have started giving lectures on high sensitivity. I kicked the first one of in May in The Hague and received 22 participants.

My vision is that the world will be a gentler, nicer and more fun place to live in when more and more people come to appreciate their sensitivity in stead of surpressing or neglecting it. High sensitive people have many talents, but feel quite overruled by a dominant society with high expectations. With these lectures I have shared the challenges highly sensitive people face on the workfloor and in personal relationships. Only by sharing stories of the highly sensitive people I have coached I got feedbacked that people feel supported and understood. They even experienced the lecture as uplifting, yes, of course there are ways to feel empowered to do just that what you most desire in life.

I have been working as a life coach for 12 years and I have always worked in alignment of my values. People hire me to guide them with their emotional development and in the Netherlands it’s quite unusual to invest in hiring a life coach. First option would be a psychologist. This has much to do with the costs and how my guidance isn’t covered by insurance. However I have seen my coachingpractice growing, especially people who have had sessions with a psychologist or psychotherapist found my practice and have undergone many positive changes.

One of my core values as a coach and human being is to give my best, every second that the people are in my coachingpractice. I coach with genuine interest and empathy putting their matters of the heart on the front line. My open and genuine attitide feeds the coaching relationship in which the coachee is able to blossom and let go of limiting thoughts and emotions. I have noticed that I attract more people who turn to my guidance even before turning to a psychologist. I find this positive in many ways. One of them is that people take the lead in health care; they choose their type of guidance in stead of being controlled by society and insurance policy.

What were your most valuable learnings or take-aways? My most valuable learnings were the following:

When you process anger and sadness one is able to feel loving and compassionate again by forgiving the person who angered you, but also to forgive yourself for being too hard on yourself or for not having done the right thing. This doesn’t mean the wrecked relationship will be renewded again; it means that you won’t have to go through life with resentment towards this relationship. But it is also possible to put loving energy in the relationship to see it change for the better. It all depends on how you feel.

I’ve started to use rebirthing in my coaching practice. Through this breathing technique I’ve learned a lot about how body, mind and energy works. It’s a simple technique which leads to magnificent results. People are able to free themselves from negative emotions and physical pains. People will start to feel clear-minded, strong and flexible in the body and emotional more stable.

Another valuable learning was the power of sharing my vision and mission. It empowered me to think about the high sensitivity knowledge I’ve gained throughout the years. Many people who follow my work feel supported and empowered to accept themselves fully as high sensitive people.

Where did you show self-compassion, courage, and commitment (especially in the face of challenge)?

The most challenging work I’ve done which showed self-compassion, courage and commitment was to let myself be healed by rebirthing and to be of support and guidance for my husband who has been suffering a headache for six years. It takes a lot of patience and resilience to keep out heads up. On the other hand we don’t have a choice; it’s either doing nothing which won’t change anything or putting all of our energy in getting healthy.

How did you surprise yourself?

While I was pregnant I’ve worked all the way. I had much more energy compared to my first pregnancy. I’ve only felt off-beat the first three months, afterwards hormones regulated and I could eat whatever I wanted and felt lots of energy and motivation to work.

What impact (big or small) have you made through your work?

I’ve made people express their anger, sadness, hatred, disappointment, powerlessness and helplessness to process their trauma’s such as sexual abuse, dominanting relationships with parents, divorce, being surpressed my negative emotions of family and break-ups of love relationships. After having expressed these emotions they felt empowered again, they felt empty at first, but slowly it gave them the energy to take better care for themselves, acknowledge their talents and live the life they want.

For more information on my work, I invite you to visit my website Orchid of Life ~ Life Coaching. 

Life Coaching: dominated by a parent’s critical voice

expression

Some people walk around through life dictated by a dominant voice. This could be a voice from their mother or father or even worse from both of them. The voice surfaces at critical moments in life. For example when you have just finished organizing your wardrobe. You feel slightly proud of yourself and happy to have done the work. You walk out the bedroom and suddenly a  voice appears which tells you to organize it even better. It wasn’t done properly, you should give it more time and start organizing your clothes again. That feeling of being proud and happy was vanished as soon as this voice appeared.

Many people I coach are being tortured by a voice which they have come to see as a part of their own identity. Recently a man in his fourties came into my practice. His life was negatively influenced by a sexual abuse incident when he was ten years old. He never once mentioned this experience to his parents nor bigger sister. He was indeed traumatized, but felt the need to keep it to himself. From then on he dealt with many fears towards men and woman. He wasn’t even sure about his sexuality. During our fourth session I guided him through an exercise in which he could feel and acknowledge the anger towards his abuser. I let him stamp his feet and move his whole body as how children show emotions with full strength and conviction.

During the next session he mentioned he still felt anger. Based on our talk it wasn’t the anger towards his abuser, but feeling frustrated, because he was held back by a voice who told him he couldn’t blame his abuser for everything he had experienced in life. Hmmm…that voice, it didn’t sound like his voice. Whose voice is this? I asked. The immediate answer came: ‘My mom’s voice. It’s the same voice who held me back during the releasing-the-anger exercise of last time. The voice who said ‘be careful now, don’t stamp to hard, otherwise you will ruin the floor of the coachingpractice’.

Even though his answer came immediate, quite intuitively, his power of reason was a bit slower. He was in tears, because up until this point he believed the voice was a part of him, of his character. The voice who would make sure he would do things the right and socially accepted way. He was confused; so he was angry at his mom and also disappointed and sad, because as a child he felt his parents and especially his mom couldn’t deal with his sexual abuse experience. That’s why he tried for decades to manage the inflicted pain and related fears and sadness by himself.

During this session he expressed his anger as a child towards his mom. While expressing the anger, again with stamping feet and wildly moving arms with his head bowed, the related sadness surfaced. Then he cried and screamed as a child who was in severe pain. Afterwards he sat down and tears rolled down his cheek. This time the tears came from a well of gratitude and love. The course of his life was already changing into the desired direction, but with processing these heavy-weighing emotions linked to saying goodbye to a voice no longer needed, his life even got a better perspective.

Would you be interested in a coaching session? Click here to read about the introduction session. For more information on Orchid of Life ~ Life Coaching, I invite you to visit my website, click here. 

Life Coaching: guiding intuitively towards the core of the pain

kitten water

Most of the sessions I guide take place during the mornings. This means I have time in the afternoon to write the coachingreports and e-mail coachees of the previous days. On a busy day my afternoons are also filled with people coming by. In this case sometimes I will finish some work in the evenings or leave it for the next day.

When I coach I am like a channel through which all emotions flow. Intuitively I guide people towards the core of their pain. In some cases the life stories are extremely painful. Channeling the emotions during the sessions wouldn’t be enough to have them not effect me. In these cases I write detailed coachingreports to empty my head, soul and body. It keeps me fit and clear minded.

From the first session onwards, the introduction session, the people I coach receive an e-mail after the session. In this e-mail I put a short summary of the points discussed, homework and the confirmation of the next appointment. For example, below a summary of the points discussed:

We have spoken about the following points:

  • You chose to not follow through with the job offer in Hong Kong,
  • At your trip your sleep was disturbed by thoughts about your life; what steps to take,
  • You are applying for other jobs,
  • Moving to another place would be an option after you and your husband have been contracted at a new company/job,
  • Changing from a negative worldview to a positive one with regards to having children; you’re still thinking about having children in the near future.

Many people come in with a practical coaching question such as: ‘I’ve had a burnout, I would like to get back my energy’, ‘I would like to get better at giving presentations in front of a big group’ or ‘I am bored at my work, how to change career?’. Their questions always end up with sharing their live stories, the stories which had a big negative impact on their selfesteem and identity. Being exposed to awful and painful stories is a big part of my job or better put; my life mission. While coaching and following people’s emotional development I get in return cheerful, smiling and strong willed people. Guiding people to live a happier and peaceful life is most rewarding to me. This is definitely how I will live and work my whole life: freeing people from their fears, anger and sadness. It cleares the path to a life based on inner knowing, trust and truth. And this is possible for everyone.

For more information about my work, visit my website Orchid of Life ~ Life Coaching

 

Life Coaching: powerful positive emotional changes

Tuscan Lily

I’ve had another morning filled with powerful positive emotional changes. Acknowledging and channeling anger towards the right person frees body, mind and soul. I have known this for quite some time now, but still I am in awe when the people in front of me change into the person they truly are.

The first step in acknowleding who you are is to fully accept all of the emotions which the mind has been resisting for a long time. Depending on the person I guide the first few sessions will be focussed on mental coaching before starting the physical work. Some people have been living from out of their heads for as long as they remember which means they rationalize everthing. This limits the body to feel. Therefore these sessions are focussed on aligning the mind with the body. In my view and also based on the feedback of the coachees the mind has a need to understand first in order to feel safe to express their emotions.

On the other hand I have seen people who feel safe at the beginning. From the moment they cross my doorstep, walk into the coachingpractice and sit down, they feel comfortable to show their emotions within a few minutes. Their trust and openess allows me to guide them through coaching techniques which helps them feel even more. The goal is to change unwanted emotions such as sadness, anger, resentment, disappointment, hatred into positive emotions. This won’t change overnight, read with one coaching technique, but every coaching technique allong the way brings the coachee closer to letting go of limiting thoughts and emotions.

This morning I guided and witnessed a man in his fourties stamping his feet, fighting with his arms and screaming out anger, disappointment and sadness with a loud and harsh voice. Afterwards he burst into tears. His inner child expressed sadness which was suppressed for decades. The anger was directed to his mother. After the standing exercise he sat down and tears were still running down his face. These tears were telling another story; the story of feeling grateful and joyful that his life was about to start. He felt inner peace on his chest. This was his fifth session.

I am enormously grateful to be able to do this work. Guiding people towards a life which they can live from the core of their heart is a satisfactory job.

For more information on my work, visit my website Orchid of Life ~ Life Coaching.