HSP coaching: longing for a positive change

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Photo by Hans Jongman

The one phrase which reflects my work as a life coach and rebirther for highly sensitive people is ‘I felt self-love from within’. This phrase came from a highly sensitive and creative lady who is in her thirties. After her first rebirthing session she repeatedly shared how amazed she was by what she felt in her body. Just before this amazing feeling in her belly which she described as a feeling of fullness and happiness, she felt tension flowing out of her body through her arms.

She could make a clear distinction between this feeling of self-love from within and the self-love she formerly knew as thoughts and actions directed by her head. This was way better. She felt her inner child on her chest telling her all sorts of happy things like ‘Yeah, finally!’ and ‘What shall we do after this session’. Her inner child was quite content and super happy she broke through her fear and anger.

The voice of her inner child had a counter voice which she felt at the upper right side of her head. This voice was like ‘No way, this can’t be it’ and ‘You’re not there yet’. In daily life she is held back by this critical voice, this voice was loaded by negative comments and limiting thoughts and fuelled by fear, lots of fear. She is taking decisions out of fear. One of the reason she came to me was that she had enough of this fear.

It was time for fear to get the hell out of her system, out of her head, her body, especially her head.

She is longing for a positive change. She wants to embrace her sensitivity fully. She wants to feel more energy. She wants to finally attract a life partner who fits her life and needs.

I have the exact recipe for her to follow. After years of seeing psychologists, undergoing different therapies and acting studies she has come to the point to process deep-rooted fears, anger and sadness. She has always felt different. She wasn’t heard as a child. She was criticised by a parent. The recipe is to express the pain which her body and mind have hold onto for so long.

Fear is longing to be embraced by unconditional love.
The tears of her inner child are waiting to be shed.

With this first session she has peaked through the door towards the life she desires to live. It takes a huge amount of effort, energy and courage to walk this path, but it is worth it, all the way.

Are you interested in finding out what life coaching and rebirthing can bring you, I invite you to make an appointment for an introduction session, either in my coaching practice in The Hague or via video skype. Click here to read more about the introduction session. 

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Life Coaching: dominated by a parent’s critical voice

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Some people walk around through life dictated by a dominant voice. This could be a voice from their mother or father or even worse from both of them. The voice surfaces at critical moments in life. For example when you have just finished organizing your wardrobe. You feel slightly proud of yourself and happy to have done the work. You walk out the bedroom and suddenly a  voice appears which tells you to organize it even better. It wasn’t done properly, you should give it more time and start organizing your clothes again. That feeling of being proud and happy was vanished as soon as this voice appeared.

Many people I coach are being tortured by a voice which they have come to see as a part of their own identity. Recently a man in his fourties came into my practice. His life was negatively influenced by a sexual abuse incident when he was ten years old. He never once mentioned this experience to his parents nor bigger sister. He was indeed traumatized, but felt the need to keep it to himself. From then on he dealt with many fears towards men and woman. He wasn’t even sure about his sexuality. During our fourth session I guided him through an exercise in which he could feel and acknowledge the anger towards his abuser. I let him stamp his feet and move his whole body as how children show emotions with full strength and conviction.

During the next session he mentioned he still felt anger. Based on our talk it wasn’t the anger towards his abuser, but feeling frustrated, because he was held back by a voice who told him he couldn’t blame his abuser for everything he had experienced in life. Hmmm…that voice, it didn’t sound like his voice. Whose voice is this? I asked. The immediate answer came: ‘My mom’s voice. It’s the same voice who held me back during the releasing-the-anger exercise of last time. The voice who said ‘be careful now, don’t stamp to hard, otherwise you will ruin the floor of the coachingpractice’.

Even though his answer came immediate, quite intuitively, his power of reason was a bit slower. He was in tears, because up until this point he believed the voice was a part of him, of his character. The voice who would make sure he would do things the right and socially accepted way. He was confused; so he was angry at his mom and also disappointed and sad, because as a child he felt his parents and especially his mom couldn’t deal with his sexual abuse experience. That’s why he tried for decades to manage the inflicted pain and related fears and sadness by himself.

During this session he expressed his anger as a child towards his mom. While expressing the anger, again with stamping feet and wildly moving arms with his head bowed, the related sadness surfaced. Then he cried and screamed as a child who was in severe pain. Afterwards he sat down and tears rolled down his cheek. This time the tears came from a well of gratitude and love. The course of his life was already changing into the desired direction, but with processing these heavy-weighing emotions linked to saying goodbye to a voice no longer needed, his life even got a better perspective.

Would you be interested in a coaching session? Click here to read about the introduction session. For more information on Orchid of Life ~ Life Coaching, I invite you to visit my website, click here. 

Stop participating in the problem

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Have you been a victim of people who are projecting their negative energy onto your life? Stop being the victim and step out of the problem others have created. It is both awful and true, but some people just don’t know how to handle their deep rooted fears, anger and sadness. The only reason for them to project these emotions onto others is because they don’t feel and see a way out. When it comes down to family relationships which are the hardest and most challenging of all relationships we often come to question ourselves: are we the ones to help them? Underneath all that blame and pointing fingers is love. For sure.

The only problem is that blaming sucks up all the positive energy you have. It tires one out to the bone. No energy left no more to speak. How is it possible to speak to someone who continues to blame, play the victim and ignore your needs? I’ve spoken to some courageous people who stood up with their loving energy: “I will HELP my sister”, “I will keep on supporting my little brother financially”, “I will only express loving words and actions towards my mom” or “I will stick by their side, because I see the good in them”. Some of these people were strong enough to play it this way. Others succumbed to the negativity which was played out on them.

The key in resolving conflicts is first of all knowing which part you play in the conflict. Do you even play a part? As how I described it in the above situations, sometimes we play the part of wanting to help the ones who are driven by fear, anger and sadness, but ask yourself up until when you are able to do this without losing your beloved self in the matter. Secondly, after having defined your role and how and if you would like to participate in the situation, know that you have the possibility to “stop participating in the problem”. Have the courage to step away from the situation. Love yourself.

Life Coaching: letting go of tears and fears

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Let’s start of this blog with a deep sigh. I feel blessed to be able to bring light to people’s lives. That’s one thing for sure. And now it’s time to write about it. I haven’t done so for a long time, because I was pretty occupied with family life, main life events and work. As of this summer we live in a really nice neighborhood in The Hague. We enjoy being surrounded by lots of green, all facilities and our daughter’s school close to our house. After almost elf years of working as a coach in living rooms (one-on-one coaching) and on locations in several cities in the Netherlands (workshops & training) I may proudly announce my first separate working and coaching space at home. Let me share with you some of the life stories that has come my way.

When a thirtysomething year old guy told me that he felt ashamed to share certain thoughts and feelings while he was seeing a psychologist I was struck. I exclaimed that it is necessary for his development to start sharing all of his thoughts and feelings. What one gets out of psychological guidance is the amount of ‘you’ one puts in. You need to be willing to work with what you have. It’s not the psychologist, therapist or other type of mental guidance who will pull out all of your pain and fears. But on another note, it could be helpful to talk to someone who does get you talking about all the things that you are ashamed of. During this session I felt I needed to share some of my experiences guiding highly sensitive man. Sensitive man could go through a phase of doubting their sexuality. Bingo. He had struggled with this topic as well.

But what if you just don’t know what to tell me? Than I could put myself on a repeat spreading the message ‘You need to be willing to work with what you have’, but it won’t bring the coachee nor me any further during the session. This young lady was sitting on the couch and told me with a big smile that everything was going well. She started her studies, moved to a student apartment and works in catering to maintain herself. Looking back on the previous session there could still be some emotions blocking her from living freely, but at this point she was smiling. After having asked a few questions about her life the pain came out: carrying a huge load of responsibility for her divorced parents and little sister. Because she cared for all emotions and thoughts of her loved ones she was left out in the whole process. She needed to give herself some loving attention and one way to do this was to start sharing more of her life with her loved ones.

Before people start lifecoaching with me they haven’t got a clue of how far they can come in terms of feeling secure, confident, happy and cheerful from within. Another life story which moved me deeply was the story of a woman in her late fifties who was still mourning her husband who passed away six yours ago. Up until this point of no return she had taken care of him for years and years after he had a severe accident. For almost fifteen years she hadn’t felt those little butterflies starting of in the belly and flying up to the head bringing feelings of ‘being in love’. This confused her to the max and brought her to a devastating phase of mourning again, of finally and definitely starting to let go of the man who showed her to love.

More and more stories are coming my way and I embrace them. All these stories turn me into a channel from which I intuitively coach; reflect, react, summarize, feedback, intervene with coaching techniques and share life stories with the intention to reframe thoughts and feelings which are limiting the person to live fully. Again, I feel blessed to work as a life coach helping people to embrace life from their core strength and desire to live.

You cannot heal a lifetime of pain overnight, be patient with yourself, it takes as long as it takes to rebuild yourself.

Step up Revolution ~ Gallery Art Dance

The above ‘Gallery Art Dance’ moved me to the bone. If you’re looking for inspiration, stop right here and take a few minutes to watch this dance performance. What moved me was the combination of the beauty of colour, the soft movements and the element of surprise. Somehow the beauty of it all struck me right in the heart; tears sprang out of my eyes. I felt thankful, alive and excited.

As children we grow up in wonder. We are surrounded by everything worth discovering. We get excited by the simplest things; lighting a candle, cutting paper with scissors and climbing up a chair to watch other children playing. Most children definitely laugh more than adults. They laugh because they truly enjoy what they’re doing. What happened along the way to adulthood?

A lot can happen. How big or small the trauma’s are, if it is still limitating your life it is worth to take a look at it. Most of us are afraid of the depth of the trauma, of all the emotions they might feel. From experience I know that the negative emotions will make place for loving emotions. Of course it’s not easy to dive into something painful, but how you will feel in the end is definitely worth the time, effort and energy.

Let’s learn to live more authentically. We do that by overcoming our fears and by confronting ourselves with hurt, anger and disappointment. One way to do this is to perceive more love around us. Shift your focus to beauty and let the love in. Experiencing more love helps us to feel the pain we need to let go.

Love is an energy that creates a feeling that changes and transforms the experience that we call life.