The way she sings this song

A couple of weeks ago I got to know Tamera Foster via X factor UK. Only 16 years old and she already knows what her true passion is. I have seen this performance many times, it touched me right in the heart, time after time. Actually it didn’t touch me; that would not describe in the least the impact of her performance. It literally pierced right into a wound which was still there, tears were running down my face, time after time. That’s why it took so long for me to blog about it.

This is what happened, while listening to her, her performance changed into a metaphor for life. I believe everyone has come to a point in life when a combination of fear and nerves has led to a black-out. In many cases it could have been a traumatic black-out which has limited one to act out of strength and love for oneself. When Tamera was going through this awful feeling of being lost she asked permission to step of the stage. Backstage she asked for help.

I am convinced that this is the most powerful thing you can do for yourself: asking for help. After having heard the specific words she needed to hear she went up the stage again; still blurried by tension, but from now on willpower carried her throughout the song. Now it was up to her. It carried her while still experiencing fear and tension during first half of the song. What moved me were the facial expressions of the jury: they supported her fully.

She did it, like I believe everyone can do! The moment when she was in sync with herself and everyone around her she was heard: her voice is amazing! I know she is blessed for knowing at such a young age that this is her life goal and she is going for it. Having found a vocation in life means also overcoming it’s hurdles to finally simply shine from your core being.

Before choosing this path she was lost, from the moment her voice was heard there is still work to do, but a fulfilling and rewarding life is awaiting her. A change is preceeded by a choice: choose for whatever makes you happy!

Are you a highly sensitive person?

Are you a highly sensitive person? Or perhaps your partner, family member or colleague is? Highly Sensitive People (HSP) are more attuned to stimuli from their environment (via the 5 senses) as well as the internal stimuli of their own thoughts and emotions. In 2000 I read my first book on this topic ‘The Highly Sensitive Person’ by Elaine N. Aron. She described traits and situations common for HSP’s and oftenly I recognized them as my own. After having read the book I let go of the content and focussed on other priorities such as study and work.

Since I started coaching in 2004 I seem to attract this type of people and I was able to guide them in achieving their goals. As for most developments it took some time before I realized that this topic was the core of my work. Eight years to be exact! On the 17th of September 2011 I organized the first workshop on ‘Emotion management for HSP’ in Dutch. In the near future I would like to organize these workshops in English as well. So are you highly sensitive? Read the following to check if you might be…And please send this on to people who find this an interesting topic. Thanks!

Are you easily overwhelmed by strong sensory input? Do other people’s moods affect you? Are you very sensitive to pain? Do you sometimes get so frazzled that you have to go off somewhere by yourself? Are you moved by art, music? Are you conscientious? Do you startle easily? When you are with a large group of people, do you tend to go off into your own thoughts, or need to go somewhere quiet instead? Do others’ feelings affect you deeply?

Do you need more sleep than others? Do you sometimes react differently to medication or the amount, than others? Do you find the labels in your clothes too rough on your skin? Do you get rattled when people try to get you to do too many things at once? Do you have a rich, complex inner life? Have people called you ‘too fussy about heat/cold/food/noise/pain’ or ‘too sensitive for your own good’?

If your answer to these questions is ‘yes’, then you may be one of 15%-20% of the NORMAL population who have a more finely tuned nervous system and who experiences the world a little differently to others. However, you may have grown up with this being reflected negatively to you by those who do not understand.

You can read more on this topic on the website of Elaine Aron

Coaching: working on a positive attitude

My experience with coachees is that most people do have some kind of idea about what they want in life, but they don’t know how to get there.

1. Finetuning personal goals
During the first session we talk about these ideas on work, love relationship and other wishes regarding their personal development. Like I said, most people have some kind of idea about what they want in life, but when they find themselves talking to a coach they actually finetune what they want. For example: I want a job which will match my studies, knowledge and job experience. We can finetune this goal into: I want a job in which I can mainly work with people away from the desk. I am a real people person. We can then add this to the previous goal and we get a much clearer idea of where we should head to.

2.  Identity coaching: who are you? 
After having set out the personal goals of the coaching traject we really start talking about how you can get there. To get there you need yourself! What do I mean by this? You need to know what your skills are, what you are capable of doing, what your strong and weak points are and how you can put your skills out there to get what you want. Most of the time I come in (into your life) as a coach to broaden and deepen your view on yourself as a person and on life. There are different coaching ways to get out there what you’re good at.

3. Changing mood: get positive and focused
Further down the road: there is no need to talk any further about what you want in life if you’re mentally not ready to think about those stuff. So first of all, I will get you through your world of limiting beliefs. When thinking back on a session I believe the most important thing in which I succeeded during this session was changing the mood of the coachee. At start the coachee was really sad; eyes were hanging, radiation a bit greyish and tone-of-voice was empty. After around 15 minutes I started provoking. From that moment onwards the coachee’s mood became more and more positive; laughing, stronger non-verbal communication, more strength in tone-of-voice and even joking around.

And when you feel in the mood again we get back on the tracks you have chosen to be.

Reflecting on 2010


Do you remember my reflection-tweets? The last weeks I have been tweeting several questions to reflect on 2010. Did it make you stop and think about your year? Well, I certainly hope so!! It’s a good way to make a fresh new start in 2011. In this blog I will do some reflecting myself.

1. What was the most exciting, heart-stirring that happend in your life and/or business in 2010? This is an easy one. I gave birth to a daughter and along a whole new set of emotions was unleashed.

2. What was your biggest learning? Through the experience of giving birth I learnt to have even more respect for woman than I already had. Besides respect for woman in general I have gained a deeper understanding on the struggling my mother went through as a single mom with two small children.

3. How did you stretch yourself? I didn’t know how much pain I could handle, before giving birth. Now I don’t know if the pain of giving birth was more or less painful than the pains I went through during the three months after giving birth. So, yeah, I stretched myself, not because I wanted to, I had to. I had to recover so I could take care of my daughter.

Looking back at the goals for 2010. 

4. Which ones were you most proud of accomplishing? Haha, off course, I am proud of having given birth to a beautiful daughter. It was hell, but very much rewarding! Also proud of packing and unpacking a whole household, because we moved from a one floor appartement to a maisonette.

5. Which goals were easier to meet than you thought? To let go of the goals I set. I asked a webdesigner to give my blogs and the Orchid of Life newsletter a make-over, but through circumstances from both sides we couldn’t launch it before I went on maternity leave. Now it’s finally done. I love the new ‘outfit’ of the blogs and the newsletter.

6. Which ones were more challenging? I wanted to continue working until I was supposed to go on a maternity leave. And I did. Though not with full-speed. When I was around four months pregnant I had a session with a man and mistakenly I named an ex of his differently. Oeps! He smiled and said: ‘It’s oke, it’s because you’re pregnant. Forgetfulness is normal. I have been there, done that.’ Oefff….lucky me! A person who understood. There was even a woman who hired me as her lifecoach while I was heavily pregnant.

7. What did you enjoy doing that you want to do more off? Reading. During the last months of the pregnancy I started reading and I loved it.

8. What do you need to stop doing or let go off? Asking my partner to clean up all the things he leaves wandering in the house!

9. What new opportunities are available for 2011 and beyond? And beyond…well for this part of the question I can refer you to an earlier post ‘Take time to dream’.

I will answer the first part of the question in a next blog. Still need to think about this one!

Adjusting goals from time to time

Photo: Global warming swimming pool delivers clever message!

Remember me telling you via my twitter profile about my 3-times-a-week-swimming goal?

After my first swim in ages I wanted to go swimming 3 times a week. I set it as a goal, but during the first week after 2 visits to the pool I noticed a big difference between wanting and being capable of achieving my goal. It was as if my body yelled at me saying ‘I am like plumpudding!!’. Indeed, all my muscles were seriously weakened because of giving birth to Amé.

During this week I adjusted my initial goal to 2 times a week. Why 2? Well, three was just too much, because my body told me so and I was also frustrated by the idea of not being able to achieve the goal. One time would be too easy. This leaves me to two times and my experience is that it challenges me to get fitter week after week.

Coachee Seline: Now I feel like undertaking action again

Through the internet I came across the website Orchid of Life. I had been looking for a coach for a while and visited a lot of websites. When I saw the website of Chungmei it immediately appealed to me. The tone of voice and the images are very personal. This was exactly what I was looking for.

The intake session at Chungmei’s practice confirmed the positive feeling I had. It wasn’t a clinic office, but an environment in which I felt at home right away.

My personal goal was to go through my life with more self confidence and a feeling of being relaxed. In particular at my work I felt insecure and I was scared to make mistakes. Chungmei knew how to get to the core of my problems. She made sure that I gave my own answers to my own questions and this resulted in a new feeling of being at ease with myself. My insecurity was the cause of getting stuck in my life. I did not have the guts to take new steps and I was afraid to fail. I also was scared of what people might think of me.

Through doing fun and sometimes confronting exercises I moved towards my goals step by step. Each and every time the conversations and exercises gave me energy. Now I feel like undertaking action in doing fun things in my work as well as in my personal life. I started going to the gym, I often meet with my friends and I go to my work with pleasure. Finally I can say:

I am who I am and that is fine!

Seline, 2008.

Would you like to be coached? See for more information the website Orchid of Life -LifeCoaching