Nothing is moving forward, change is so difficult! Those thoughts seemed to be so deeply engraved into my mind when I talked to the last time to my coach that I found myself completely hopeless and felt a moment of regret for her.
We didn’t talk for long. The summer she did what she had previously recommended to me – focusing on herself. While I did, what I shouldn’t do – focusing on anyone but me. Trying to repair broken friendships, trying to forget guys whom I liked or even loved but who were not interested to be a friend or partner to me, trying to cope with the ego issues of some chauvinistic men. Not being able to work because this all disturbed me mentally so much. But did really “nothing” happen?
Well, if you just see the routine of your daily life you neglect your own moments of success, as rare as they might be. I got a job contract though it is only for some month, with really nice colleagues. I managed to solve the issue with my parents, another topic I was talking about with Chungmei for long. I found myself a fantastic socializing person even among Germans during the marriage of my brother which was another very happy and pleasing event. I distanced myself not from all the complicated friends I know but from those ones who had not been good for my personal well-being. And I got to know so many people during the past days, good people, not the ones who pretend to be good and just turn out to be “friends of need” who throw you away in the end when they got what they wanted.
One thing indeed is different. I might not feel totally happy, but I do feel more stabile inside. A very small center of balanced gravity found its way alive. What will finally come out of it, I don’t know, but I do not care much about this currently, as it “just feels good”. I learned a lot about myself, about my special way to be, as a member of the human minority population which is hypersensitive. I spent hours to convince ignorant friends that hypersensitivity (hsp) indeed exists and that people with this phenomenon face so much different personal challenges in life than others.
Finding a center of gravity inside oneself is really a pleasure because it gives way to develop inner strength. I am looking forward to taste more of it…