When life gives you lemons…

When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.

I love this phrase. This phrase contains sadness and happiness. It directs the reader to make something fun out of something sad. In some strange way this phrase led me to some of the rebirthing sessions I’ve guided this week via video skype.

While this lady over fifty was crying her heart out over not even feeling she has a choice in different situations, she suddenly burst into laughter. Laughter changed into crying again. I was looking at my screen, a bit in doubt, because I wondered if she was laughing or crying. She cleared my doubt by sharing she was laughing. I commented that laughter heals, she totally agreed. I forgot to ask why she started laughing in the first place.

Another lady in her thirties started and finished the session off with laughter. In between she cried her heart and eyes out. She was able to direct her anger towards her parents in stead of down talking herself over and over again. She let out this destructive energy by stamping her feet, throwing her arms around, screaming the hell out of her and jumping up and down.

And this mixture of laughing and crying showed me these ladies were making lemonade. It shows a huge strength when you’re able to laugh when you’re feeling completely miserable.

The lemons given to the highly sensitive people I guide are diverse:

  • Being brought up by parents who are not able to communicate about emotions,
  • Being fired away as a kid by an angry and dominant parent,
  • Too be sensitive is to be weird, dreamy, a crybaby, shy, fearful, anti-social in the eyes of others,
  • Because of childhood trauma’s still living out of fear, anger, sadness, shame and guilt as an adult,
  • Growing up in an environment in which natural born talents were not seen nor stimulated,
  • Living up to parent’s expectations in stead of discovering your own path in life.

It’s up to you to make lemonade out of these lemons. It’s not easy, but it is sure doable. And you will finally fully enjoy your home-made lemonade!

Choosing to emotionally develop takes you to different surprising tastes of lemonade:

  • Embracing your highly sensitive self; yes, you are spontaneous, yes you are quirky, yes you are dreamy, yes you are a “mind & heart”-reader, yes you are attentive to the needs of others, yes you are creative, yes you are … (fill in the blanks yourself),
  • Attracting jobs, relationship(s) and friends which and who resonate with your soul,
  • Feeling safe, loved and appreciated on a daily basis; from self-love comes greatness,
  • More physical and mental energy to do the things you like,
  • Able to choose easily for the situations in which you will thrive and easily turning down the proposals which will drain your energy level,
  • Living your own path and feeling natural self-confident about the steps you take.

If you’re interested in finding out what life coaching and rebirthing can bring you, I invite you to make an appointment for an introduction session, either in my coaching practice in The Hague or via video skype. Click here to read more about the introduction session. 

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Rebirthing: breathing through despair

This quote summarises my work beautifully. This morning I witnessed a highly sensitive man in despair. Even though we have been working together intensively for two months, the last two weeks despair caught him. We started this session with Social Panorama, bringing into focus his current relationship with his father. This exercise brought up many emotions and from here we moved to the rebirthing session on a air mattress. He literally screamed the hell out of him. The hell encompassing anger, despair and sadness. Afterwards he felt relieved, the pressure on his chest and neck was gone, he was able to freely breath again. Tears of gratitude followed. And the belief that he is capable to achieve calmness and happiness in his heart and soul.

Let me fill you in a bit more about this highly sensitive man. He thinks a lot and he feels a lot. By thinking I am referring to his capability to process a lot of information in a short period of time. He is a hard worker, someone who has been working for the past eight years for the same company. He is paid to do one position, but instead he fills in three positions. He is a loving single dad of two kids. Along with the birth of his first child his emotional development got a boost. He was overwhelmed by the love he felt for his child. This is when he decided to talk to a psychologist. He is a man who grew up in a family without the loving attention and care a child deserves. His emotional journey brought him to a diverse range of psychologists, coaches, and professionals skilled in a physical aspect of health such as acupuncture.

All he had undertaken brought him finally to my work as a life coach and rebirther. What I remember from our first session was his question: “Am I right about you being able to handle my sadness, my pain?” Even though he felt he was right, he wanted my confirmation. He needed to check his doubt, because of his disappointment with previous psychological guidance. They weren’t capable of guiding him through the emotional turmoil which arose during sessions. What I noticed about him was that he was mentally and physically ready to undergo rebirthing sessions. From our first session onwards all we did was rebirthing. Today was the first day I decided to lead him through Social Panorama showing him the wrecker inside of him.

Leading up to this session he was conscious of the wrecker inside of him. That part of him who didn’t want to see the light of things, the beauty of things. The wrecker did his job well, he blocked him from moving forwards. The wrecker acted out of fear; fear of change of jobs, fear of feeling the pain. The wrecker also punished him by staying in that lonely spot, he didn’t feel like being social. In short, sitting in front me, was a wrecked intelligent, talented and loving man, in total despair. During these two hours I brought him to his pain. Of course he was willing to feel through the pain, the only thing was, he thought he couldn’t do it by himself. He was afraid of the pain and I fully understand his fear. The pain which left his system was enormous, was killing, was hell. He was furious, desperate and intensely sad.

After having guided him through his pain he mentioned several times “Now I feel calm, now I am able to breath again”. Tears of joy and gratitude flowed out of him. His belief in mental, physical and spiritual recovery had returned. He was relieved and I was super happy. One result was his answer to my question what he could change in the relationship with his father. While answering tears filled his eyes: “I am a giver, I give my attention to everyone except for my father. Soon I will ask him how is doing. I want to know.”

Would you be interested in a coaching session? Click here to read about the introduction session. 

Rebirthing: clearing emotional blocks in body and mind

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Rebirthing is a simple breathing technique that can transform your body, mind, spirit, as well as your perception of who you were, who you are, and who you will be. It releases emotional, mental and physical patterns; creates joy and aliveness in the body; and gives the client a feeling of empowerment and self-control, and creates energetic relaxation. The breathwork process releases the emotional, negative charge out of cell memory. The process causes integration of unresolved emotional, physical, mental and spiritual energies.  The primary result is an experience of clarity at a very core level. The process empowers a person into choice and out of victimhood.

Rebirthing is also reffered to as Conscious Connected Breathing (CCB). CCB goes as follows: while breathing we connect inhalation with exhalation and exhalation with inhalation, in doing so we create a circular motion of breath. Rebirthing is not a mind therapy, it works on an emotional level. Different people react in different ways. The conscious connected breathing releases built up tensions in your body.

Often people who come to me have been in therapy for many years. Therapy is great, it’s great to realize where your blocks are, it’s great to be able to pinpoint them. But no matter how much you realize, you understand, accept, and rationalize, the blocks are still there.

Blocks exist on deep emotional levels, they are often carried in the heart center, in the throat (communication) center, perhaps in the stomach (emotions) center. Rebirthing is a powerful technique used to clear blocks. In a rebirthing session, which lasts about 1 1/4 hour, you have the opportunity to clear completely all the negative patterns that you’ve built up over years; the fear of not feeling good enough, the destructive patterns, the behaviors that you’ve built up over time.

Your body and mind were like a sponge and finally they experience the opportunity to clear and release everything. You literally awaken the body by conscious connected breathing, all psysical reactions built up in the body and mind caused by trauma find a way out. You will be able to express emotions and tensions during the session and in doing so you grow on an emotional level. You will regain your inner strength; the place where joy, abundance and unconditional love resides.

You will see a most distinctive difference. How does it manifest? With feeling of freedom, security, the loss of fear, pain, the real determination, the knowledge that you are going to get through anything and everything, a new peace within yourself, a new hope, feelings of being in control, in touch with the powerful part of yourself, and most certainly increased awareness of creativity and sensitivity.

In case you’re interested in a rebirthing session I invite you to my website for more information about my work: Orchid of Life ~ Life Coaching 

Life Coaching: my journey in rebirthing

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This year my summer holidays wasn’t only about going to the beach, eating ice cream, reading books, discovering new spots nor any arty farty stuff while a Summer storm ravaged the Hague. Lots of my attention went to rebirthing. Out of pure necessity.

Day in and day out I have guided rebirthing sessions. I’ve undergone rebirthing sessions as well and it has been an exciting and insightful journey inwards. It all started in February this year. My partner came back from a rebirthing weekend organised by an institute named AUMM. His rebirthing experience and stories about other people’s sessions made me very curious. As if my wish was picked up by the universe, I am enormously grateful that I was guided into a rebirthing session only one week later. I cried unstoppably and without a sense of time for an hour.

Let me explain to you what rebirthing does. Rebirthing consists of different breathing techniques, but the one breathing technique which activates surpressed emotional blockages goes as follows: while breathing we connect inhalation with exhalation and exhalation with inhalation, in doing so we create a circular motion of breath. In rebirthing this is called ‘connected breathing’. This connected breathing could activate different physical symptoms like feeling cold all over your body or the opposite super hot like fire, a tingling sensation in arms, legs, face or just about everywhere, itching and the sensation of wanting to curl your feet up or move your knees from side to side. Whichever physical symptom arises depends on who you are, what kind of emotional trauma’s you’ve had and in which stage of emotional consciousness you are in.

By the end of June I started using ‘connected breathing’ in my coaching practice in combination with coaching techniques such as Neuro Linguistic Programming and Social Panorama. The results were fenomenal. In this stage my experience was only based upon my and my partner’s rebirthing experiences and by reading the books written by the founders of the AUMM institute. Before I decided to put my knowledge and experience to practice I had been through a major personal development regarding my role as a professional life coach; I had eagerly watched Suzanne Powell on YouTube and it was the first time in years that I found myself a teacher, someone I wanted to learn from. Her knowledge and experience affirmed how I live and think as I guide others to discover themselves while letting go of emotional burden.

Parallel to this development I struggled a week long with different life courses I could run: shall I write my book on high sensitivity, attend a four-year study on rebirthing or go for our second child? Off course I discussed all of this with my partner. After some talk we decided to go for our second child. I am happy to announce that I am almost four months into pregnancy. So ‘rebirthing’ has another meaning to me; going for our second real-time birth experience! I have to say, this life changing decision has put every work-relation ambition I had in a broader perspective. Off course writing a book and study can wait, but I would have been enlightened If I didn’t struggle with the following: how can I continue my journey in rebirthing when my full attention went to family and working life?

Out of personal and professional interest I did find time to read the books on rebirthing. And somehow the answer to my question just appeared out of doing my work. While guiding sessions one day I used the rebirthing technique without a lot of thinking. As I guide intuitively I just do what I feel is needed to enable the coachee to let go of limiting thoughts, behavior and emotions. As I have mentioned before, the results were fenomenal. Rebirthing to me has shown it’s positive effects while guiding people who have a hard time talking about their feelings. The positive results took me to investigate the topic even more. Within a short period of time I have mastered this skill with help of books, YouTube video’s, pure practice and loads of reflection; writing down every single detail of the rebirthing process.

This blog closes off an insightful and breathtaking Summer holidays, but the journey continues! As I mentioned in the first paragraph, this journey was started out of necessity. Some people who follow my writings already know, but to the ones who don’t know, my partner is suffering a severe headache for almost six years. So embarking on this journey wasn’t because we were so thrilled to cry our eyes out, instead we had a goal in mind and this is ‘living a life in good and vibrant health’. Before I go, there is one more detail I would like to share: one tiny part of me questioned my professionalism in embarking our rebirthing journey without having done a four-year long study. At the beginning of this week I got hold of a book by Susanna Tamaro ‘Louisito’. On the back of the book I read that she acquired international fame by one of her books called ‘Follow Your Heart’. I went online to read some reviews and came across the paragraph below:

‘And when later many paths open for you and you are not sure which one to take, don’t haphazardly choose a path, but sit and wait. Breathe with full confidence as deep as you breathed on the day you came into the world, without being distracted by something, wait and keep waiting. Do not move, be quiet and listen to your heart. Whenever that speaks to you, get up and follow his voice.’ ~ Susanna Tamaro

These words took away my doubt. I am very happy and grateful to have followed the voice of my heart. The rebirthing journey continues while every cell in my body vibrates of professionalism and a strong motivation to live my life in good health and help others to live theirs.

Love: writing letters

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As a child I wrote lots of letters. We were on the move. Leaving behind friends at the age of 8 and 14 made me write letters to keep in touch with friends. I used to keep all letters neatly in lots of shoeboxes. But life continued, we lost contact, we weren’t friends anymore. At this point I decided to throw away most of the letters. I kept the ones which touched my heart deeply.

A few weeks ago, at age 36, I picked up this almost long-forgotten letter writing. I’ve already written a few letters. I must admit I absolutely enjoy the act of hand-writing as opposed to typing on a laptop. I take more time to think about the things I would like to share. The stories are more to the point with here and there a wink of the eye whilst typing makes me share loads of details.

Moreover the act of hand-writing gives me the pleasure to choose paper and a envelop which could elevate the receivers mood. Seeing the possible colors and drawings and feeling what could match with the person I’m writing to definitely elevates mine!

In this age of immediate contact via different social media channels I would like to recommend hand-writing to you. I remember the joy of receiving a card or letter when I was young. I also remember the joy of knowing that someone I love would receive a part of my life. A third aspect would be the fleeting moments thinking about when my friend would write back. All these feelings are unchanged after all these years of not writing. I feel the same enjoyment of writing and all feelings related to being in touch with a beloved one.

Only the big difference nowadays is that I receive my “reply’s” via whatsapp and Facebook messenger. Haha, no going back to the good old days. The only person who understands me is my great grandmother who will turn 90 years this year. She hasn’t responded yet. I love waiting for our next moment of being in touch.

How can you be happy and peaceful in modern times

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A Chinese proverb says an invisible red thread connects those destined to meet, despite the time, the place, despite the circumstances. The thread can be tightened or tangled, but never be broken. 

We are all the same. All of us want to be happy. When happiness is considered as a door to a room, peace is another door to the same room. Si it should be easy to become happy and peaceful. What is holding us back?

There are different methods to achieve happiness and peace. Respect for each other is important. Superiority ideas like ‘I am the best’, ‘my religion is the best’ or ‘my country is the best’ are barriers to happiness and peace. Respectful contacts with people with another background can help to reduce these barriers. The mix of people in these modern times gives more possibilities for such contacts.

In Tibet we have the word ‘gogsem’. That means the three ways of being: mind, body and talk. The mind is the boss. The mind is an extremely powerful tool to find the root for happiness and peace. The mind can find inner peace and happiness with your being as you are. Meditation, compassion and openness are ways to use the mind for finding peace. These ways can give you energy. Words can give a feeling of happiness. At the other hand words can make enemies. Be aware of that, when you are thinking ‘I am right and you are wrong.’ Think also about happiness of others. When you are acting with an open mind and a good heart, it will be easier to keep your relations good. That will radiate a feeling of being rich, more than when you are only focused on your own profit.

Worries make sick. Some problems we can control. When you can not control problems, let it go. Let fear go, then peace will come. Don’t grasp for happiness. Strive for stable happiness, as a second nature. When difficult situations come, it is important to know in advance how to keep peace. Be aware of anger and neutralize it before it is too late. When anger grows, it can make you blind. Anger and peace are like fire and water: they can not be together. When you think that anger is normal, you have to ask yourself the question whether suffering is normal. Suffering is the result of anger. When you are able to control anger, you are able to bring peace and as result you will reduce suffering. All of this you can do by ‘lojong’: a Tibet word for ‘training the mind’.

If you expect that you will be pushed to pass your own limits, say “no” with respect for the other. Say it in time, before you loose control over your anger. Be patient for the good moment to say it. Say “no” when the other is relaxed. Most of all: be clear. It is very important to be open about your limits in a way to make it simple for the other to understand your “no”. Look further than your own position and try to understand your relationship. It is the best to reach mutual understanding. Look for a good way to meet your limits and to strive to meet the demands of the other. Share understanding in a good atmosphere, with a cup of tea.

Face to face contact is important for good understanding. Telephone, e-mail and other ways of communication are good for ‘neutral’ messages. But when you really have to solve a problem, face to face communication is the best way to minimize the risk for uncontrolled anger. Look inside your mind before you solve a problem. You need to have inner peace before you can give it to others.

Take benefit from what you have heard so far. Use what you can use. Forget what you can not use. Make clear for yourself what works for you. Ask yourself where you can find happiness. When you know that, you have a goal to direct your activities on. Be honest to your heart and don’t follow other people blindly when they say that you can find happiness. In these modern times many people promise happiness when you follow their advises. Decide deep in your heart whether their promises may bring peace or restlessness

I received this text from the Wereldmuseum in Rotterdam on the 30th of March in 2007.