HSP: working towards your ultimate dream

How does it feel like when you are told by many people you have an enormous talent, but no matter how hard you try you can’t feel it yourself.

That’s harsh.

That’s aweful.

All effort feels meaningless.

That’s when a highly sensitive girl grows up with no space to show her tears, her sadness ánd her enthusiasm.

Writing this I have one particular beautiful and amazing highly sensitive woman in mind. She has a talent for speaking. When she starts telling her stories I am in absolute awe. She also gets me laughing out loud. Her stories are vivid and full of contrasts.

But there is another part to her story. She knows and feels that she can be full of enthusiasm and share this with everyone around her. But at the other side of the coin there is this extreme apathy and self-hate. She doesn’t feel like getting up nor move towards the things she wants to achieve in life.

While these opposite emotions are whirling inside of her.

She does know how to feed herself in a healthy way and continues to do so. 
She also refuses to take antidepressants because she wants to feel and process all the present emotions. 

These two daily actions show the self-love she isn’t feeling, these actions are directed by the mind. Her mind has superpowers. It’s strong. It’s how she has survived all the past years full of contradictory emotions.

During our coaching & rebirthing trajectory she is opening up and embracing the discomforting physical stress. The physical stress has been kept prisoned in her body and mind for so many years. It’s time to connect to the physical stress and release the pain through the physical body, tears and the sound of her soul. 

We are working towards her ultimate dream: being an inspirational speaker. And we’re getting closer, breath by breath.

Life is full of contrasts. When mouths are being shut, these mouths will find a way to express their true talent.

#hsp #highsensitivity #highlysensitiveperson #rebirthing #breaththerapy #lifecoaching #TheHague and beyond

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HSP Coaching: get to know your inner life

Recently I spoke to a highly sensitive lady and she said: ‘Don’t tell me to do a daily meditation or mindfulness. This doesn’t work for me. I have tried so many different forms of personal development. Now I want to feel a change.’

What she first needed was to understand how she came to see herself as a highly sensitive introvert and how essential it was for her to go her own way instead of searching for her mother’s approval and understanding. (Almost on a daily basis)

As a kid she grew up with a little sister who turned into a troublemaker. (And not for no reason) She was the bigger sister and did all she could to be of no trouble at all to her mother. When they spoke they mostly spoke about their family situation. Her innerlife was intertwined with her mom’s innerlife. She grew up by keeping her mouth shut about how she felt. Instead she focussed on her schoolwork.

She could’t be more motivated because after the introduction session she started practising immediately. Instead of discussing her inner life with her mom she talked to her boyfriend and a good friend. She said: ‘It wasn’t as satisfying as talking to my mom, because she is the one who understands me best. But I know it’s good for me. I don’t want to depend on her opinion.’

She felt a change. She felt stronger from within, but also dealt with guilt. It was still kind of awkward, but she was still motivated.

And no, I won’t tell her to do meditation if that doesn’t work for her. What works for her was putting her new found insights about herself into practice.

If this sounds like a I-want-to-feel-better-about-myself-plan to you, just send me an e-mail to book your introduction session or follow-up session.

Warm regards,

Chungmei: orchidoflife@gmail.com

#hsp #highsensitivity #lifecoaching #rebirthing #breaththerapy #videoskype #skypecoaching #skype #facetime #TheHague and beyond

Receive the sound of your soul

Over the past month I’ve guided highly sensitive women to receive the sound of their soul during rebirthing sessions. It’s that “Aaah” sound pushed forward by contracting the abdominal muscles. It has been an amazing journey hearing different soul-sounds. After several tries each and everyone of them carried out their sound effortlessly. All of them struggle in their own way with their highly sensitive identity.

  • What do I feel?
  • Who am I?
  • What do I want?

These are highly sensitive woman who struggle with the following topics:

  • Knowing what your added value can be within an organization, but finding it difficult to share what you feel about workload and pressure and deadlines
  • Being burnout with severe physical symptoms and still questioning if you’re allowed to be sick
  • In love: being able to imagine the possible pain of your partner which holds you back of choosing for yourself and being heartbroken of breaking up with the person you were in love with
  • Having no place to rest and be yourself
  • Feeling responsible for someone else’s problem

What makes them struggle? It’s because they feel, think and act out of pain. Pain of their parents to which they were exposed when they were a child and pain which was caused in them. The pain is a mixture of sadness, anger and fear. It’s the pain which makes them behave like their parents expect them to behave.

Rebirthing is a simple breathing technique which connects people with their body, with their own energy. During the process they will slowly rediscover their own energy. The one which can be described as inner peace, wisdom, strength and calmness. During the first phase the attention goes out to process every emotion which covers your own energy from sparkling love and abundancy.

Guiding the sound of the soul is an intervention which I use when people experience a high level of physical tension which doesn’t find a natural way out through crying. Hearing the sound of these women was amazing and impressive. These women weren’t used to using their own voice to stand up for themselves, to choose for themselves. After having heard the sound of their soul they were in awe of the power they felt flowing through their body.

Reactions of coachees

At the beginning it was kind of strange to hear my own sound. After a couple of times I noticed how it got my body moving from within. The tension flowed away. The pressure on my belly disappeared and a warm feeling appeared.

When I think back to the session of yesterday I feel lots of sadness. Fear. I am afraid of the power within myself. Why? Why is this power not allowed to be there? I am afraid for my own voice. It does happen often over the phone that people don’t understand me. I find it hard to speak up and to speak clearer.

The session was heavy, I can’t remember if I have felt this tired at the beginning of this session compared to previous sessions. I didn’t want to say “A”. When someone else acts weird it’s fine, but it’s not something I would do. And this loud, I do not dare. And what if I can’t produce any sound? I felt stuck. Then you offered me a way out. This activated another part within me: I wanted to go through this fear. It was still scary, but hidden behind your “A” I managed to go along and produce a sound.

This session was absolutely special. Beforehand I knew I wanted to continue with the sound of my soul. It was allowed. My first try didn’t go well. My head was interfering too much. Afterwards it went better and I started to enjoy to play with the sound and follow you.

After having cried a couple of times I decided to scream it off of me. To produce the same sound as in the sessions in your practice. Anger arose, frustration and while I was producing the sound I hit hard on the bed with my fists.

A specific characteristic of the sound of the soul is the easiness with which it leaves your body. The sound keeps on coming from the belly without any effort. Easy. This level of easiness is a reflection of how you can lead your life while sharing your own voice, your opinion.

Sharing the sound of your soul will result in the following:

  • it will get the energy that is stuck in your body moving
  • it connects you with your emotional pain of your body
  • learning to cry out loud instead of crying in silence
  • getting to know your anger and learning to express anger
  • receiving the sound of your soul with love

Are you interested in getting to know the sound of your soul? Make an appointment for an introduction session. Working via videoskype is possible.

Click here for more information…

 

HSP: how to get unstuck. 3 Tips!

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Today’s session with a highly sensitive young woman inspired me to share the following tips on how to get unstuck on a physical, mental and emotional level. I pointed out the physical level first, because this lady experiences that feeling of being stuck through her body. It feels like she is floating above the ground, her head is full, loss of concentration and finding herself in a social setting getting all nervous and insecure. Actually it was her asking me after a coaching and rebirthing session: ‘Can you tell me how to get unstuck when life brings me to this uncomfortable physical state again?’

I shared the following with her:

1. Cry

2. Take a shower or a bath

3. Sit in front of a fire

That feeling of being stuck comes from energy which is whirling inside of your system, but the energy can’t find a way out. You need to help that energy to get out of your system; your head, your body. That energy could be sadness, anger and fear (or a good mix) that you are holding onto, because you’ve never learnt how to express and let go of these emotions.

Cry
Well, first of all, what I’ve learned in my coaching practice is that many highly sensitive people find it difficult to cry. Even when they are at home alone. It could be out of shame of being heard or having to acknowledge that something or someone touched you. It could be out of fear, because you don’t know what will appear next when you actually start crying. Panic, hysteria, powerlessness, loneliness. I know one cool fact on fear: it’s not real. (not when you are standing in front of someone who is about to hit you, but the fear which tortures the mind)

Even when you think you don’t cry easily, there could be moments that you feel comfortable and safe enough to do so. For example when you are watching a movie that really gets to you or a song or while reading a passage in a book. Perhaps you have a partner or a dear friend in which you confide. When you feel stuck, reach out to what works for you so you can give that energy a little push to leave your system.

Apart from other people’s emotions, your own, energy from the land and buildings, highly sensitive people are moved by so many things such as beauty, arts, kindness. Feel your emotions and let your voice be heard. Keep the energy moving!

Take a shower or a bath
Lots of highly sensitive people pick up and absorb different emotions and energies, but somehow they are living their lives from out of their heads; planning, organising, thinking about what to do next. Residing mostly in your head instead of your body signals that most likely you are driven by fear. A question which pops up along these lines is: ‘What do I feel?’

Root of this problem is to be found in what trauma’s highly sensitive people have been through. One of the family dynamics that could be the cause of how troubled you feel now about what you feel versus what others feel is the following situation.

When you are a child you need parental guidance to feel what is yours and what is theirs. When parents are going through their own issues and matrimonial issues this puts a huge weight on the shoulders of the most sensitive child in the family. This child is conscious of the tension and stands up to help out, guide their parents or sisters and brothers. While the child is playing this rol of mediator he or she won’t have enough space to develop their inner emotional world. That is to say: they are always on the look out for what needs to be done instead of feeling how they are wounded by the family problems.

Being on the look out is simply being afraid of what’s next. What fight, discussion will arise? I know I took a deep dive in psycho land by sharing this with you, but this is how it is. On a daily basis we might not know why we feel stuck, but taking a trip down memory lane will give you answers. But to keep my tip low profile, when you feel stuck, but you can’t put your finger on it, then I would like to encourage you to take a shower or a bath. It cleanses your energetic body, it brings you back in your body, back in the now. If you need several showers or baths in one day, just do it.

Sit in front of a fire
Same goes for sitting in front of a fire. The fire cleanses your energetic body. Moreover it calms down your mind. Just simply stare at the flames and you will feel the effect. If you don’t have a fire in the house, you could buy a bunch of candles. Put these close to each other and let these flames do the work. If you’re lucky to own a garden or have friends with gardens you could buy a fire pit and make a fire outside.

Of course there are many other ways to get unstuck: get out of the house to get fresh air and take a long walk, write, manual work, sports, yoga, massage, crafts, meditate and simply sit down and breathe. In this blog I’ve put forward ‘crying, taking a shower or a bath and sit in front of a fire’ because up until now people I guide in my coaching practice were so happy to receive them. I hope these tips will work for you too.

Website: Orchid of Life ~ HSP Coaching & Rebirthing 

Are you curious to what a coaching & rebirthing session can do for you? Make an appointment for an introduction session. Click here for more information. 

I feel anxious and impatient about the house search

I am guiding highly talented people. They are highly sensitive and are in the process of fully embracing their sensitivity. It’s a shame most of them have a hard time acknowledging their talents. I am happy to help out guiding their emotional development. This week there was one lady in particular who experienced a major breakthrough during a coaching and rebirthing session.

Picture this: she is sitting on the couch and telling me they have to move again. It will be their third time in The Hague. She and her husband are expats. She didn’t smile, her facial expression was quite neutral. Since the previous weekend they started their house search together. After the weekend she continued the house search and set aside her own things: applying for jobs, an online course and being kind to herself as part of her path towards living from her talents. She didn’t look happy with her change of focus, but reassured me she was calm and positive towards finding a new home. I listened, took it in, but didn’t believe her.

When one is trapped in limiting beliefs and behaviour at some point you will feel trapped.

Instead of asking any further I invited her to lay down on the air mattress. Start breathing, start aligning with your body and soul. Start awakening your emotional body, because it will tell the truth.

When she was like 15 minutes in the conscious connected breathing she felt a huge pressure on her chest. It felt like an elephant stamping on her chest, she felt anxiety. She started sharing: I feel anxious and impatient about the house search. My husband is working full time and because of this I feel I need to do more, I feel like a 90% responsible whereas this could be a lot less if I would share more of my thoughts and feelings with my husband. It’s me, he is really nice and thoughtful and tells me to focus on my own things.

But I feel selfish if I would do so, focusing on my own things.

I stimulated her to pick up the conscious connected breathing. After 15 more minutes she felt lots of tension in her arms and hands. It hurt her. She asked if she could stop. Of course. And then, while feeling her body it sank in: that voice in her head, it’s not her own, it’s her mother’s voice telling her she is selfish. (and even more: that she needs a lot of attention, that she makes problems out of nothing, she is difficult)

From the moment she realised this, the tension slowly, but steadily left her arms and hands. She felt so relieved.

The coaching and rebirthing sessions I guide are both emotionally intense; it provided the space to process deep-rooted pain, and practical. This lady left the session with homework: involving her husband more in her world of thoughts and feelings regarding the house search, a good talk would do the work so she could focus and enjoy her own work again.

If you’re interested in an introduction session, click here for more information and to make an appointment. 

Flow: Connected to the Stream of Life

Last weekend, Sunday to be precise, we had a magical day. Our car was at the garage. That’s why we decided to go by train to a birthday party. From door to door it would be little less than two hours. At first I thought this would be crazy; travelling with two kids who would be exposed to a continuous flow of impulses with a minimum chance of both of them taking a nap. But then again, it was all a matter of our attitude towards the trip. So I decided to enjoy every step of the way.

Our first encounter took place in the train. We met a lovely bright-eyed lady, she was radiating pure love. We started talking, because of the kids. I believe kids and animals are quite often used as a stepping stone to connect with people. But soon enough the conversation changed to exchanging our food habits and our view on how to eat clean. The lady, brought up in Zimbabwe and now living in the South of England, mentioned that she craves for salads and fruit. She also bakes with buckwheat, alternative grains and coconut oil. Arnold’s food heart was especially lifted up by this meet-up, because of his vegan lifestyle.

The lady works as a painter and uses her art to support and guide disabled people. Suddenly, in a flash of pure excitement, I said to her: I have a gift for you. She answered with a blush: ‘A gift? But meeting you and your kids is to me a big gift. I brought along books which were recently self-published. She was very happy to receive a copy of the Dutch book “Ben ik boos? Dan mag dat!”. It is on how to deal with anger when you are highly sensitive. She immediately thought of her sister who works as a biographical counsellor. She would be interested in this book.

After this lovely encounter Arnold and I exchanged a few words and lots of smiles, because we felt the same. By having decided to go to this birthday party by public transport we stepped into the flow of life, of exchanging our highest selves, our ideals, simply who we are connecting with other beautiful and loving souls on a mission.

The second surprising encounter took place on our way back to The Hague. We met a very sweet Brazilian couple with their dog. Again, thoughts on food were exchanged. Arnold’s vegan mind shook hands with Brazilian BBQ and fastfood lovers. At the same time they were indeed conscious about food. This all came about because of their dog. This dog was skinny at first, he refused to eat canned animal food. He only ate when he was starved; he would stroll to his food at 3am in the morning. His health condition alarmed his bosses. They dived into the information on animal food and discovered that canned animal food would contain the worst parts of the meat. Not to mention chemicals and other non-nutritious ingredients mixed into the food.

They decided to go for healthy. Their dog gets to eat cooked vegetables and raw meat from the butcher. They admitted with a huge smile that their dog eats healthier than they do. Although, of course, this was a bit exaggerated. During the week they would focus on healthy foods and weekends were for fastfood. And all the while I was thinking: Oh my god, their dog taught them to do conscious food shopping! Fantastic.

Our last encounter took place in the bus. Our youngest is such a social guy. He puts effort in locking eyes with woman. This time he met the eyes and soul of an Indian woman. I noticed she was struck by pure love. She kept on saying what a sweet boy he was. She was travelling back home. The Netherlands has been her home for 15 years. I asked her about the Indian community in The Hague, because I love the Indian-English accent. She didn’t know, because she was a part of a diverse International community due to working for an international organisation. Then I asked her about the best Indian place to eat in The Hague. She gave the best possible and surprising answer, namely: “My home”. We shared laughs.

This Sunday turned out to be one of our favourite days in 2017. The flow we stepped into took us to Zimbabwe, England, Brazil and India. It took us to having these interesting serendipitous encounters. Actually, in my view, every encounter is a chance to share your highest self, to share your view on life, your heart, your soul. It makes the world a lot friendlier and cosier, where ever your from and where ever you reside at this moment. The encounter taking place feels like creating a home where you can laugh out loud, be curious, ask questions, receive and give. I love it.

A few days later I received an e-mail of the lady who received my book:

Lieve Chungmei,

Firstly I would like to say how much I enjoyed meeting you and your lovely family. It is through these surprise encounters that I feel so enriched and connected to the stream of Life! Your book has been such a gift to me for which I am very grateful. I am still reading and digesting it, but will give you more feedback later. I just wanted to touch in and thank you ‘voor het cadeautje’!

Veel groetjes en het allerbeste met je mooie werk!

I feel the same.

By the way, our kids did great. Even though it was an exceptional long day for them.

HSC: birthday party fun without hassle

Photo by Ouxu Cheng

My two kids are highly sensitive. I am highly sensitive, my husband is highly sensitive. As a highly sensitive family we keep on learning how to listen and react to each others needs to thrive in this world full of entertainment. Last weekend we went to a birthday party in Amsterdam. The preparation for the birthday started in the car, my youngest fell asleep immediately and my daughter was relaxing by holding onto her big bear friend. No music, no cartoons, no talking.

This birthday party was definitely highly sensitive proof.

  • The birthday lady was walking barefoot,
  • They served sugar free goodies such as banana egg pancakes with whipped cream, blue berries, strawberries and marmelade, coconut-date bonbon and a chocolate banana egg cake,
  • People withdrawing to other rooms to look up some quite time,
  • Moms breastfeeding,
  • No music.

We had loads of fun. I love socialising and meeting new people, but at the same time I like to blend in the crowd by talking to friends we hadn’t seen for a while. That feels much more comfortable than immediately making small talk with someone I don’t know.  Same goes for my daughter.

Amé stood close to me, observing the room and the people. The best thing about a party, according to my daughter, is eat the foods they serve. Though she didn’t dive in immediately, she needed some time to land. After having encouraged her to choose her pick, she took her plate to the balcony where the other kids were playing. Instead of connecting to the kids she focussed on her plate. Afterwards she wanted to go outside, because inside it was too warm for her. Arnold and I decided to split up, he went outside and I stayed in with Dían.

Dían also needed his time to get used to the house, the atmosphere and the people. He sticked with me or Arnold. After Amé got back from playing outside she started playing with a girl. They went from room to room and finally I found them sitting with a lady who drew images on their arms. I talked to her earlier and Amé, at that time still taking her time to get accustomed, apparently eavesdropped. To her big surprise she found out this lady is a professional illustrator. Amé took the opportunity to ask her to draw tattoos on her hand with the tattoo pens she had brought with her in her handbag. Afterwards Amé said:

I was perfectly prepared for this party by bringing my tattoo pens.

We arrived quite early at the party, one hour and a half, after it had started. Slowly, new guests were arriving and the noice of people talking to each other got louder and louder. When I started breastfeeding on the balcony it was still doable. New guests joined us on the balcony, Dían was ready drinking, he sat on my lap and made screeching noises. He wasn’t happy at all. I understood and we went to a spare room. He immediately revived. He started smiling and moving around the room. He is fifteen months and I am so happy with our communication.

From the moment he crawled out of the spare room I knew he was ready for more action. I have seen him playing with a friend of ours who was playing with him and interacting with the cat under the table. Meanwhile we were socialising in the open kitchen. I still had an eye on him, that’s my mommy-mind, but I was super proud of him being at ease. Later I caught him playing alone, but not for long, a new friend came along. This twenty-something young male was autistic and loved to connect with Dían.

We had a wonderful time.

Both kids dealt differently with their birthday experience. Driving back home they both stayed awake. Around eight Dían fell asleep without any hassle, but it took Amé more time to fall asleep. The next day Amé slept in and Dían took his nap earlier than normal and slept for like an hour and a half. This is how they recovered. And of course we provided them the time to recover. We had no other appointments than being in and around the house organising and cleaning.

In retrospect, I am very happy and satisfied we took this last-minute decision to stay in The Hague in stead of going up North visiting family. This way we definitely have enjoyed the birthday party in full in stead of being super tired by travelling from one place to another.