Too often we run around doing things for others or we keep ourselves occupied with work, hobbies and social activities. At the end of the day or a whole week we feel exhausted. When did we take time to feed our soul? Especially highly sensitive people need their down time; time to inhale energy and exhale relaxation. One of the things you can do to feed your soul is to write down or go through your gratitude list. Here’s mine:
- I am grateful for having finished the 30 Day Vegan Challenge
- for opening up to the Vegan world and having decided to eat 80% vegan and the rest of the time everything I like to eat
- for walking around in a healthy and fit body
- for every emotion I feel
- for choosing for my well-being instead of feeling guilty about choosing for myself in relationship with my mom
- for my interest in people
- for my drive to heal people from their wounds
- for my capacity to guide people so they feel strong from the inside
- for my intuitivity
- for my writing skills
- for my grey hairs and especially for smiling when a friend mentioned my grey hairs
- for my ability to present other world views to people who need a change of perspective
- for feeling strong by what I eat
- for connecting with people in different ways: social media, on the streets, public transport
- for loving life dearly
- for talking with Amé about death
- for laughing out loud
- for enjoying books
- for loving to dance
- for sharing food with friends
- for organizing family gatherings
- for seeing things differently
- for feeling calm from within
- for shining like I do
- for my deep urge to change the world for the better
- for my desire to share and spread the word on high sensitivity
- for the people around me who see what I can bring
- for seeing and feeling what I can bring about
- for having been the mom that I am towards Amé
- for my insights
- for my teaching skills when it comes to children, they are so much fun, everyone wants to be seen
- for sharing the truth
- To conclude: this gratitude list is about how grateful I am to be me
Some people come and talk to me for only one session. During this one session they start crying because I bring them to a place they have been avoiding or hiding for such a long time. And you should know that I haven’t used any difficult techniques to get them crying.
The basic technique I put in practice was only listening and asking open questions. Allright, I admit, sometimes I get slightly provocative. But I only exercised this provocative coaching style for 1/5 a minute! Sentences count: like approximately 5. It’s incredible to experience what a huge effect the provocative coaching style brings into the lives of people desperately avoiding to feel any kind of emotion.
Emotions which has passed by in the coachingpractice:
Tears of deep grief, mourning tears, anger, rage, disappointment, sadness, pain release, detoxing, laughing and finally letting go of the negative emotions to make room for the positive ones.
My experience with coachees is that most people do have some kind of idea about what they want in life, but they don’t know how to get there.
1. Finetuning personal goals
During the first session we talk about these ideas on work, love relationship and other wishes regarding their personal development. Like I said, most people have some kind of idea about what they want in life, but when they find themselves talking to a coach they actually finetune what they want. For example: I want a job which will match my studies, knowledge and job experience. We can finetune this goal into: I want a job in which I can mainly work with people away from the desk. I am a real people person. We can then add this to the previous goal and we get a much clearer idea of where we should head to.
2. Identity coaching: who are you?
After having set out the personal goals of the coaching traject we really start talking about how you can get there. To get there you need yourself! What do I mean by this? You need to know what your skills are, what you are capable of doing, what your strong and weak points are and how you can put your skills out there to get what you want. Most of the time I come in (into your life) as a coach to broaden and deepen your view on yourself as a person and on life. There are different coaching ways to get out there what you’re good at.
3. Changing mood: get positive and focused
Further down the road: there is no need to talk any further about what you want in life if you’re mentally not ready to think about those stuff. So first of all, I will get you through your world of limiting beliefs. When thinking back on a session I believe the most important thing in which I succeeded during this session was changing the mood of the coachee. At start the coachee was really sad; eyes were hanging, radiation a bit greyish and tone-of-voice was empty. After around 15 minutes I started provoking. From that moment onwards the coachee’s mood became more and more positive; laughing, stronger non-verbal communication, more strength in tone-of-voice and even joking around.
And when you feel in the mood again we get back on the tracks you have chosen to be.
More about Sigmund, click here.
More about Sigmund, click here.
During my studies provocative coaching I got to know the Sigmund cartoons.
Read more about the Dutch inventor of Sigmund: Peter de Wit.
The Good Old Days
Do you remember the good old days? When you were young and innocent, drawn to whatever happens outside the house and want to have a good laugh with friends and kids you were about to meet? Well, all these questions bring me back to my childhood where I used to play at the back of my grandparents restaurant in Amsterdam. The memories came back to me a few weeks ago…
Drawn to Nature…
As the photo shows, a few weeks ago, there was a huge amount of SNOW in the Hague. One of the first things I do in the morning is to open up the curtains and I was welcomed by a snowy white view. Amazing. How many years went by without having played in the snow? Without even having touched the soft, but icy snow flakes of which you can build anything you want? The child within me, who used to play in Amsterdam, blinked the eyes, blinked again and decided firmly: today is the day that I am going to make a snowman!!
Playing brings People together
And there I went, to the front door, all by myself, but I wasn’t alone. Just like the good old days friends popped up and played with me. Can you imagine? My neighbours came outside to help me build the snowman. In the meantime it looked more like a icebear. All fine by me. It was fun, it was hilarious. An man walked by and asked if he could take a picture. He said: ‘It’s for my family in Nigeria’. Off course you can! But it wasn’t finished yet. He took a picture of the bottom of the ice bear. The situation put a smile on my face.
As we were grabbing snow and using our artistic views for the process more people came by. They laughed, made small talks and also took pictures. What do you know? Just by playing outside I felt more connected to this tiny world of mine; my neighbourhood.
So to conclude my story: KEEP ON PLAYING & HAVE FUN WITH EVERYONE AROUND YOU
…and FULFILL YOUR DREAMS!!
This year I started with the course Provocative coaching at the Institute for Eclectic Psychology in Nijmegen, Holland. The two days with a lot of practice were amazing. After having coached 5 years using the Rogerian approach to counselling, the LifeCoaching handbook tactics of Curly Martin, techniques from Neuro Linguistic Programming from the Practictioners and the Masters course, guided meditation and the Journey of Brandon Bays, I wanted to start working more creative, challenging and in a humoristic way. These three elements you find in Provocative coaching.
‘Provocative Coaching’ is designed to challenge and provoke you to overcome your problems and begin to move in a new direction. The style is conversational and action oriented with a focus on ‘how’ you do what you do instead of the analytical ‘why’ that so many therapies get stuck in.
The approach is about doing something different and looking at things from a new and fresh perspective. Unlike client centred therapy it is not a fluffy, nice and cuddly but getting nowhere this century approach. Neither is it about free associating on a couch while a psychoanalyst tries to make sense of it in silence once a week for the next ten years! ‘Provocative Coaching’ is about facing your problems head on and dealing with them and then creating a compelling and exciting future!
This approach is ideal for those who prefer to work at a conscious level as there is no hypnosis involved. The start point is defining a well formed direction in terms of where you are heading, assessing where you currently are, pinpointing the obstacles to overcome in order to get there and then setting out a specific plan to get there. The approach is supportive but challenging and is designed to provoke you to take action and do what you decide you want to do!
It is incredible and if you would like to get a taste of this style of coaching you can make an appointment with me on the following site: Orchid of Life -Lifecoaching. Before I started the course this year I already used the technique during coachingsessions inspired by the books of Jaap Hollander & Jeffrey Wijnberg. They are the trainers of the course I am taking. The immediate positive effect of this coaching technique is flabbergasting. Do you take up the challenge?