Life Coaching: opening up for emotional development

orchid

I am super grateful for today. Someone I’ve coached nine years ago decided to take on my guidance for the next months.  I am sure it will be life changing. I’ve grown professionally and he is ready to release his pain. I can’t think of a better combination. Aiming for coaching more and more highly sensitive men.

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Why would I need coaching?

Coach – Welcome Patrick, make yourself comfortable. What lead you to try coaching?

Patrick – Whoa! Nobody said anything about starting coaching, I am just here because someone else recommended it.

Coach – Relax Patrick this is just a conversation to get to know whether coaching is right for you, there is no commitment.
Patrick – Good! Before you know it I will probably be stuck with lifetime commitment, high monthly fees and extra penalties for when I can’t show up!

Coach – Actually Patrick, coaching is not some fitness-like institution where you pay regardless of use. Coaching is completely tailored to the client and you can have as many or as few sessions as you wish. You only pay for the coaching you receive and you can always reschedule an appointment in advance without penalties.

Patrick – Hey! I don’t need some quack telling me I’m crazy and locking me up in some asylum for the rest of my life!

Coach – Actually, that would be a psychiatrist. A coach does not judge or decide, a coach guides and brings clarity to those parts of your life that you feel need it.

Patrick – But what if my issues are not emotional, I’m not a woman after all, how can coaching help in other aspects of my life like my work?

Coach – Well, coaching is not about just emotions, its about your life. Your life is composed of so many influences, including emotional, work, experiences, goals too many in fact to mention here. The beauty is that you only need to focus on what is important to you, and that’s what we work with. Also Patrick, men deal with as much emotional conflicts as women, but are usually more introverted, and so benefit as much from coaching sessions as their female counter parts.

Patrick – Ahh, so you want me to open up and tell you all my secrets so ridicule me and tell all your friends about what a mess my life is!

Coach – First of all, a coach does not need to know every little aspect of your life to be able to guide you. Only that which is important to you will come to light. Secondly if you would want to share something with your coach, there is a strict code of client-coach confidentiality and so what is discussed in the session, stays in the session.

Patrick – Now I see! So you are just going to yak-yak-yak about who you think I am and what I should do, while I just sit here like some school kid and take notes!

Coach – Nothing could be further from the truth, actually a coaches most important job is to listen, pay attention and understand the client.

Patrick – Well why didn’t you says so? That sounds really easy, my cat is a good listener, I will just ask mittens to coach me!

Coach – It’s true that listening is the most important part of coaching, however it is not limited to that. Being a good listener is imperative to be able to coach properly, but listening alone is not the same as coaching.

Patrick – I don’t know…I still have the feeling that I coaching is for the mentally challenged, physically enfeebled, or emotionally weakened.

Coach – Patrick, coaching is not really for those people. It is for regular people from all walks of life. For anyone who wants to start taking steps towards achieving their personal goals or is just curious about what else life has to offer.

Patrick – Well I am curious, lets give it a shot!

Coach – That’s the spirit!

Written by David de Haas

Coachee Shenin: It was time for me!

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I AM ME AND…………….AND I AM HAPPY

September 2008 I decided it was time for ME. Time to get to know the real me, to reveal the real me and most important to be happy about me. To accomplish these “easy” tasks I decided to talk to Chungmei.

Who was I when I started my coaching sessions……………………

I was 28 years old, living in Amsterdam. I had a great job at a big international company, which came with a company car. When it came down to career planning I was very confident, I knew exactly what I wanted and how to accomplish my goals. However my confidence level on the social front was totally opposite. I had been single for almost 4 years, after being hurt and humiliated by my ex-boyfriend. Even though he broke my heart and was the cause of me losing faith in men, I was still having sex with him for a long time after the break-up. Please don’t ask me why! In the meantime I was also looking for Mr. Perfect…..Tall, black and handsome, ambitious, thoughtful, funny, romantic, between 30-35 has his own car, doesn’t live with his mom and to complete this not very demanding listJ. I am so not ready for kids so looking for a childless man.

All in all I wanted to become more confident and to be able to express my emotions more easily. In various coaching sessions we have gone through different coachingtechniques and I always went home with homework. Chungmei and I talked about the definition of my “dream life”, how to deal with having too high expectations. In which settings I am most happy. She gave me assignments like telling my cousin that I love her and that I will always be there for her. I mustn’t assume that she knows and take her for granted. She gave me advice on how I could get a better emotional connection with my mom. Months went by and I saw myself opening up, becoming more confident and just feeling happier about myself. I guess other people saw this to. During this time I met a nice man. I can say he is my ideal man. “What did I say again in the beginning my ideal man was; Tall, black, Handsome and between 30-35yrs…………….Well my hubby now is White, 43 and does everything on his bike. He has two children a 16-year old son and a 10-year old daughter. He’s sexy, thoughtful, we laugh a lot together. I can always count on him. He has beautiful blue eyes and he has a genuine kind smile.

I am in a very good place now. Very happy about ME and therefore able to be happy with somebody else.

Thank you Chungmei

Interested in Love Coaching? E-mail orchidoflife@gmail.com to make an appointment.
Kind regards, Chungmei Cheng