Rebirthing: connect with the pain

This morning I told this over and over again to someone who was doing the conscious connected breathing on the air matress.

Just breathe.

Just breathe.

Breath continously.

Take a deep inbreath.

And let go of the outbreath.

Just breathe.

I was reminded of this session by a tweet of @iyanlavanzant “Through our tears, we get in touch with those experiences we have forgotten, hidden or buried away in our souls”.

My experience is that many times people are not able to cry over these long hidden and buried trauma’s. They are disconnected from it. I would instead say that it is through experiencing the tension in the body that we are able to connect with this pain, this sadness. This leads to releasing the physical tension through making sounds and/or tears. And the first: making sounds will enrich the experience of crying of expressing the hurt without any fear of someone overhearing you or getting stuck in a depression.

No, none of that, crying your heart out has a cleansing effect on the soul and it clears the mind.

Read more blogs about rebirthing…
My website: Orchid of Life HSP Coaching & Rebirthing 

 

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Self-healing: I don’t want to be in pain anymore

So this morning I got up and gave myself a rebirthing session. I couldn’t do otherwise. This pain on my left shoulder has been there since end of Christmas holidays. At the beginning of this week I woke up and my body felt paralysed. I couldn’t move. Another pain which arose on my chest was hurting me. This pain was strongly connected to the pain on my left shoulder.

I thought of a yin yoga pose and put a cushion under my back. In this pose I started doing the conscious connected breathing. The pain on my chest moved downwards to my belly. It felt like cramps, but not from the inside out (from my stomach), but more like just under my skin. I’ve cried a couple of times. Afterwards I removed the cushion and took my time to let the pain melt down. I knew it wasn’t over, I knew I hadn’t achieved my goal. This was merely to get myself going again. Getting up, being able to work and parent.

On the same day I felt at ease with my body, but the next day I woke up with a clouded mind. I knew this was inflicted by the emotional pain which hid in my body. This pain would surface as physical pain as soon as I would have the time to help myself with a rebirthing session.

The days after the pain on my left shoulder had spread to the right side and I also felt it moving downwards over my back and to my left arm. For a couple of days now I thought about asking my friend who works as an osteopath to give me a treatment. It would definitely get the energy in my body moving. But thinking about the upcoming work week I didn’t see time to recover from the treatment. This and also the current amount of pain I was in motivated me to help myself as soon as possible.

I was about to last evening, but taking my youngest to bed I fell asleep. Probably I was super tired, because of having walked around with these pains.

After more than 12 hours of sleep I have been doing the conscious connected breathing for 40 minutes on the couch. During these 40 minutes I discovered a new position which stimulated the pain on my chest to move away from the chest. The position was derived from a yin yoga position I knew. I folded by chest towards my legs which were straightened with a tiny bend in my knees. My arms laid next to my hips and legs on the couch. So the pain on my chest started moving with every in- and out breath I took and space was created in and around the pain on my left shoulder.

While going through this pain I felt and thought the following:

  • It hurts, I don’t want to be in so much pain anymore
  • I have work to do, you ( the pain) will not keep me from my work
  • I wish I could have known my great grandfather who lived in China. The whole village went by his house to be relieved from physical pain caused by severe heat
  • I was (again!) cursing in the dialect I grew up with (Wenzhouhua). To me this means I was freeing myself from the sadness of my mother and grandmother

I will continue my self-healing work at some other point. Now Saturday begins and I have like 30 minutes left to continue with the preparation of my third FB Live on HSP & Love.

Would you like to read more on rebirthing? Click here…

Rebirthing: standing up for yourself

Theme of the week: burnout, highly sensitive woman and men getting to know their emotional bounderies and opening up for sadness and anger. Their emotional roller coaster takes them to a much stronger position in which they feel confident to stand up for themselves. Standing up for yourself is key to maintaining a healthy work-life balance.

The highly sensitive people I speak all work hard and have a strong wish to pick themselves up quickly after a breakdown. They are stressed out and would like to see it as a breakdown, but instead they have to acknowledge it’s a burnout. It’s hard to accept how lost and to the bone tired one feels while recovering from a burnout. They feel mentally, physically and emotionally weak and vulnerable.

People recovering from a burnout walk around being haunted by feelings of disappointment, sadness, anger and guilt. They feel disappointed by their former employers, colleagues and often family and friends who don’t seem to understand their situation. During sessions we speak about the hurt, but mostly I guide them through their pain. Rebirthing, conscious connected breathing, is effective breath-therapy to release all these heavy weighing emotions.

Another aspect of people recovering from burnout is the weakened body. When you don’t know how to release these heavy weighing emotions, these emotions will weaken the body. You can find yourself being tortured by headaches, aching limbs, a slow or fast digestive system, hyperventilation or panic attacks. Rebirthing is the answer to heal the mental, physical, emotional and energetic body.

When I have people laying on an air-matress in my coachingpractice I guide them to open up for the “language” of their body. While doing the conscious connected breathing the body starts to “speak” by physical expressions such as coldness in limbs, tingling over the whole body, itching, cramps, pain in the belly, pressure on the chest and so on. At the height of physical discomfort I guide them to release pain. Sometimes the coachee/ rebirthee is able to release their sadness by themselves, but at other times guidance is necessary, because they simply don’t feel access to releasing the pain.

This week the focus was on guiding them to scream the hell out of them. Imagine these people, they are not used to standing up for themselves, let alone screaming the negative energy out of their system. It was amazing to hear them scream. My screaming helped them to get to know their primal scream. The scream which can stop negative energy in the form of accusations and anger coming your way making you feel guilty and lonely.

Are you interested in an introduction session? Book your introduction session here! 

Read more on rebirthing
Rebirthing: listen to your body
Rebirthing: breathing through despair
Rebirthing: release yourself from cold energy

 

 

Rebirthing: breathing through despair

This quote summarises my work beautifully. This morning I witnessed a highly sensitive man in despair. Even though we have been working together intensively for two months, the last two weeks despair caught him. We started this session with Social Panorama, bringing into focus his current relationship with his father. This exercise brought up many emotions and from here we moved to the rebirthing session on a air mattress. He literally screamed the hell out of him. The hell encompassing anger, despair and sadness. Afterwards he felt relieved, the pressure on his chest and neck was gone, he was able to freely breath again. Tears of gratitude followed. And the belief that he is capable to achieve calmness and happiness in his heart and soul.

Let me fill you in a bit more about this highly sensitive man. He thinks a lot and he feels a lot. By thinking I am referring to his capability to process a lot of information in a short period of time. He is a hard worker, someone who has been working for the past eight years for the same company. He is paid to do one position, but instead he fills in three positions. He is a loving single dad of two kids. Along with the birth of his first child his emotional development got a boost. He was overwhelmed by the love he felt for his child. This is when he decided to talk to a psychologist. He is a man who grew up in a family without the loving attention and care a child deserves. His emotional journey brought him to a diverse range of psychologists, coaches, and professionals skilled in a physical aspect of health such as acupuncture.

All he had undertaken brought him finally to my work as a life coach and rebirther. What I remember from our first session was his question: “Am I right about you being able to handle my sadness, my pain?” Even though he felt he was right, he wanted my confirmation. He needed to check his doubt, because of his disappointment with previous psychological guidance. They weren’t capable of guiding him through the emotional turmoil which arose during sessions. What I noticed about him was that he was mentally and physically ready to undergo rebirthing sessions. From our first session onwards all we did was rebirthing. Today was the first day I decided to lead him through Social Panorama showing him the wrecker inside of him.

Leading up to this session he was conscious of the wrecker inside of him. That part of him who didn’t want to see the light of things, the beauty of things. The wrecker did his job well, he blocked him from moving forwards. The wrecker acted out of fear; fear of change of jobs, fear of feeling the pain. The wrecker also punished him by staying in that lonely spot, he didn’t feel like being social. In short, sitting in front me, was a wrecked intelligent, talented and loving man, in total despair. During these two hours I brought him to his pain. Of course he was willing to feel through the pain, the only thing was, he thought he couldn’t do it by himself. He was afraid of the pain and I fully understand his fear. The pain which left his system was enormous, was killing, was hell. He was furious, desperate and intensely sad.

After having guided him through his pain he mentioned several times “Now I feel calm, now I am able to breath again”. Tears of joy and gratitude flowed out of him. His belief in mental, physical and spiritual recovery had returned. He was relieved and I was super happy. One result was his answer to my question what he could change in the relationship with his father. While answering tears filled his eyes: “I am a giver, I give my attention to everyone except for my father. Soon I will ask him how is doing. I want to know.”

Would you be interested in a coaching session? Click here to read about the introduction session. 

Life Coaching: guiding intuitively towards the core of the pain

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Most of the sessions I guide take place during the mornings. This means I have time in the afternoon to write the coachingreports and e-mail coachees of the previous days. On a busy day my afternoons are also filled with people coming by. In this case sometimes I will finish some work in the evenings or leave it for the next day.

When I coach I am like a channel through which all emotions flow. Intuitively I guide people towards the core of their pain. In some cases the life stories are extremely painful. Channeling the emotions during the sessions wouldn’t be enough to have them not effect me. In these cases I write detailed coachingreports to empty my head, soul and body. It keeps me fit and clear minded.

From the first session onwards, the introduction session, the people I coach receive an e-mail after the session. In this e-mail I put a short summary of the points discussed, homework and the confirmation of the next appointment. For example, below a summary of the points discussed:

We have spoken about the following points:

  • You chose to not follow through with the job offer in Hong Kong,
  • At your trip your sleep was disturbed by thoughts about your life; what steps to take,
  • You are applying for other jobs,
  • Moving to another place would be an option after you and your husband have been contracted at a new company/job,
  • Changing from a negative worldview to a positive one with regards to having children; you’re still thinking about having children in the near future.

Many people come in with a practical coaching question such as: ‘I’ve had a burnout, I would like to get back my energy’, ‘I would like to get better at giving presentations in front of a big group’ or ‘I am bored at my work, how to change career?’. Their questions always end up with sharing their live stories, the stories which had a big negative impact on their selfesteem and identity. Being exposed to awful and painful stories is a big part of my job or better put; my life mission. While coaching and following people’s emotional development I get in return cheerful, smiling and strong willed people. Guiding people to live a happier and peaceful life is most rewarding to me. This is definitely how I will live and work my whole life: freeing people from their fears, anger and sadness. It cleares the path to a life based on inner knowing, trust and truth. And this is possible for everyone.

For more information about my work, visit my website Orchid of Life ~ Life Coaching

 

I wish you enough

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I Wish You Enough

Recently I overheard a mother and daughter in their last moments together at the airport. They had announced the departure. Standing near the security gate, they hugged and the mother said, “I love you and I wish you enough”.

The daughter replied, “Mom, our life together has been more than enough. Your love is all I ever needed. I wish you enough, too, Mom”.
They kissed and the daughter left. The mother walked over to the window where I was seated. Standing there I could see she wanted and needed to cry. I tried not to intrude on her privacy but she welcomed me in by asking, “Did you ever say good-bye to someone knowing it would be forever?”

“Yes, I have,” I replied. “Forgive me for asking, but why is this a forever good-bye?”

“I am old and she lives so far away. I have challenges ahead and the reality is – the next trip back will be for my funeral,” she said.

“When you were saying good-bye, I heard you say, ‘I wish you enough’. May I ask what that means? “.

She began to smile. “That’s a wish that has been handed down from other generations. My parents used to say it to everyone”. She paused a moment and looked up as if trying to remember it in detail and she smiled! Even more. “When we said, ‘I wish you enough’, we were wanting the other person to have a life filled with just enough good things to sustain them”. Then turning toward me, she shared the following as if she were reciting it from memory.

I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright no matter how grey the day may appear.
I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun even more.

I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive and everlasting.

I wish you enough pain so that even the smallest of joys in life may appear bigger.

I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.

I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.

I wish you enough hellos to get you through the final good-bye.
She then began to cry and walked away.

They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them but then an entire life to forget them.

Source: a friend who posted this on Facebook.

HSP: learn to deal with negative energy

negativity

Highly sensitive people are more prone to negative energy. Negative energy weakens us in many ways. All of a sudden we feel blurry in the head, weak in the knees or are struck by stomach cramps. In most of the situations we are also overwhelmed by an incapacity to speak up for ourselves. In my coaching practice I have seen men and woman passing by who were willing to work on this, they signaled their inability to handle negative energy and wanted to get to the core of this.

There was this guy in particular who suffered hyperventilation after an outburst of a client. He was sent of to a house to fix the things his colleague failed to do properly. The client showed his disappointment to him even though he knew he wasn’t the one who caused the problem. At the moment he handled it with care, but the energy filled with disappointment and anger fired up his way was whirling around in his system for days, especially in his head!

In his head he would fantasize about future scenarios about conflicts with his employer, colleagues and clients.

And what to do if you’re working with a boss who’s emotional state is unpredictable and confusing? Highly sensitive people feel every change in other people’s emotional state of being. They feel alerted when someone comes in at a meeting, a drink or at the grocery store with an emotional state which can be described as sad, frustrated or downright grumpy. Depending the situation they feel like running away or sit still and wait for the right moment to step in. In this case, when working with a boss who comes in one day super happy and the next day as if the company would collapse in front of his eyes, what would you do as a highly sensitive person?

The answer to this question can be find at the core of the “problem”. I have written problem in between brackets, because I’d rather perceive emotional/ psychological “problems” as chances to work on one’s emotional being. In all of the situations above the negative energy experienced can be traced back to the highly sensitive people’s childhood. When we don’t know how to deal with negative energy in daily adult situations this is a signal that we haven’t learnt to deal with different negative energy’s in the past.

Energy can be read as in “emotions”, basic emotions such as anger and sadness.

We could differentiate these emotions as disappointment, frustration, irritation, mourning, hatred, anguish and envy among many more. These emotions are seen as negative and therefore I will refer as them as such, but in my view of personal development these emotions are the gateway to emotional freedom and a strong belief of self.

In childhood our relationship with our caretakers influence the way we handle emotions of others and of ourselves. When we haven’t healed our emotional wounds we are consciously or unconsciously tortured by our reactions directed by our wounded inner child. The wounded inner child will attract the experiences in life in order to emotionally grow. A highly sensitive person raised by caretakers who were still walking around with their own pain; anger and sadness will automatically absorb these negative emotions. They are not able to experience these emotions separate from themselves. Depending on the character of the child and the relationship to their caretakers the child’s mental and emotional development will be influenced.

What happens in adult life is that people, when open for personal development, start to discover the root of their behavioral patterns. Aha, so the reason I can’t handle disappointment is because I have compensated my insecurities by doing the most sublime work I am able to do in order for my father to notice me. And walking around with an overall feel of insecurity about me taking upon so much responsibility is because my mom did everything possible for me. Whenever I needed help she was there. She wanted to be there, because her parents died on her when she was young. She didn’t even get to know them.

I have spoken many highly sensitive people who are living with the best intentions and doing the best they can for their families, but with one caretaker blowing them away with unexpected anger which had nothing to do with them, they walk around in life feeling afraid of opening their mouth. They are just paralyzed by misplaced anger. And there is this hunger, this innate need for acknowledgment of who they are and this desire to be valued for their actions. In the end, they are the ones who will give all of these positive emotions to themselves. They are worth to feel every single bit of emotion running through their veins.

Are you interested in an introduction session? Click here for more information…