Lifecoaching: as a child I believed in magic

play capoeira

For like 28 years I thought I only had one massive problem in my life: stuttering. I tried a try-out session with Life Coach Chungmei. It was interesting, she asked questions, I spoke, I did an exercise… And from out of nowhere, I started to cry! I was crying, and surprised and shocked that I was crying. This was really weird for me.

Luckily for me I kept myself busy with creating a burn – out. One year later I succeeded. My second coaching setting was a fact. I set down and she mirrored my non-verbal communication extremely sharp. Subconsciously I acted to be ready for any thing: arms wide, an ‘I am in control look’ in my eyes, and ask something like: so coach ask me a smart question?! Well, instead she told me: Well, you don’t seem ready to open up. After which she imitated my posture and look in my eyes. Do you want to be coached? Right away I felt that she didn’t fall for my act. I felt that one: my head down, arms normal, and after digesting a little bit of my fakeness, I said: yes I am ready.

Burn-out & learning to feel
What I did to burn my self out was only living in my head, not even feeling my own heart beat. During my third ‘succesful’ study, I burned out. I didn’t understand, and even less did I feel why. Chungmei guided me through this process. Some topics, in random order, we have worked on were:

  1. Why am I a perfectionist?
  2. Why do I train extremely hard?
  3. Why am I always busy?
  4. Why do I stutter?
  5. How come I don’t feel my body?
  6. What caused the burn out ?
  7. Why do I stop breathing when I think longer than 1 minute?

Answers were: I felt I was not good enough, so everything needed to be perfect. I felt a lot of surpressed emotions and had surpressed emotions myself which caused intense stress. My coping mechanism was using my head, and satisfying others and my main man Mr. Society.

This I understood after being lead through different exercises and questions no one ever asked me. With one single question she could make me feel my sadness of being so stressed. Or scared, or….unhappy. Because that’s the overal feeling: I was not happy, and was basically killing myself with thinking, studying and working. Without the burn – out to stop me, I was dead by now.

It may sound a bit extreme, but seriously she saved my life. Thank you for that. Thank you for letting go of everything that didn’t belong to me. For the first time in my life, I feel who I am, what I want to do. I became a better husband, a better person, a better father after being coached intensively by you. With better I mean more me, because that’s all there is right? I believe the best I can be is the closest to who I really am.

Now, that I write this I think of words that could describe the thankfulness that I feel in my heart. Being coached by you and feeling myself was my biggest gift after being born. It was a great pleasure being coached by someone so naturally connected with the Universe. Someone who coached so intuitively, so in the moment.

As a child I believed in magic, felt happiness in playing. Somewhere in high school I started to believe in the world of thoughts, studies, work and society. I am 32 now, and life is magic again.

By Arnold Baldé

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Lifecoaching in action: make up your Balance Now!

1.Health
How do you feel today? Do you eat a healthy diet? Do you exercise on a regular basis? For example: it could be that you are suffering  annoying pains, but you don’t take action to get your fysical state back to how it always has been, because of lack of time. Is it lack of time and all the deadlines you are facing or is it about setting priorities? My belief is that your health is the basis of everything what is going on in your life. Everything revolves arond YOU! And if you don’t feel up beat because of different reasons then it is time to do something about it. Be honest with yourself.

2.Relationships
Do you make time for your beloved ones, the ones who give you energy? Do you have friends or relatives who sap your energy, every time you see them? As my partner and I are both ambitious people I often tell him that we need to see our dear family and friends on a regular basis. Because of our work schedule we have to give it some more time to balance our get-togethers with family and friends. Moreover, in case of family, they live all across Holland. Yes, Holland is a small country, but the travelling surely takes up time. Furthermore, be aware of spending time with people who affect your state of mind. Is it worth spending time with them? If they are, then it is best to keep your emotional distance. Act like a Buddha! People can spit their negative thougths, but know that these emotions are theirs to keep. If we are speaking about people who don’t actually mean a lot to us, then minimize the time you spend with them or when the relationship is too horrible, make up your mind about continuing the relationship.

3.Career
Can you see yourself in the same career in five years’ time? If that thought makes you think of five long years of stress and boredom, it’s time to start researching a career change Will your current actions put you in the position you want to be in, or will they mean that you never progress from where you currently are? What you can do  when it comes down to choosing the career which will fit you best is to visualize, for example, at least 9 moments of pure happiness, and then translate these feelings to work related pillars such as people you work with, working conditions, working internationally, in contact with people or more a solitary function etc.

4.Education
Are you thinking of additional education or are you already studying next to your full-time job?
Alternatively, are you taking on so many extra credit courses that you’re risking burn-out? In our society we all want more, better and it is also part of our status. But does it really make you happy? And if you really want to take additional courses or a Master Degree make it possible for yourself to lead a ‘normal’ life along the way! Keep seeing your friends, make time for love and enjoy the time you have. I often hear people saying that it only takes up 2 years of their life. Two full years of hard work and then what? The thing is that people forget that they live now. Everything is happening now, how are you able to postpone coming across the love of your life for example? It sounds like I am a dreamer, but I know first hand that it is possible. Recently I heard that someone decided to stop taking courses in his Master Degree. After one year of full-time working and studying he got tired of everything.

5.Opportunities
Something many people regret in life is not taking advantage of the chances that they have. Are you missing out on any opportunities at the moment? Imagine that you have your future-self looking back at the life you are leading right now and telling you to sign up for that course, take that class, reach out to that potential new friend, or volunteer for that big project at work? A good place to look for the opportunities you’re missing is to think about anything you’re afraid to try, or afraid to start. Those are the things that future-self wishes you would do!

By Chungmei Cheng
Lifecoach for Orchid of Life

Dance to Inspire, Inspire to Dance

I believe everyone should dance. Also when you think or even know you can’t dance. Dancing is what people call moving. Moving your body which you have started doing from the moment you came to this world! Moving on the tunes of life. It relaxes, it winds you up, it energizes. Find you’re strengts by moving. Know what your arm can do and what potention can be found in your legs. We are living in a society where it is all about the mind. From a holistic point of view we are all mind, body and soul. Get these three working with each other in stead of neglecting parts of you.

Chungmei Cheng
Orchid of Life -LifeCoaching