Read the related story here: 35 and single.
With so many things happening on the personal front we were continuously challenged on the work front. The past four years haven’t been easy with a burnout husband. Even though he still has this enormous headache we’re slowly crawling our ways up to a ‘normal’ living. A normal living would of course be when he is 100% healthy, but since we can’t plan the date of him being fully recovered, we do our best in our own pace.
We have dreams, big dreams. Dreams in which all of you are included. We strive for a healthy and happy living; mentally, physically and spiritually. Tonight at dinner he told me about someone who inspires him. Someone who trains people to get to know their true voice. He was impressed by his training method and thought he could do something similar; freeing people from their blockages. In his case it would be by moving. His thinking and brainstorming about the topic brought him to his moving core: his free flow capoeira method. A method which can make people of all ages enjoy moving, like they enjoyed moving when they were a child. Teaching people how to enjoy moving and playing around is only one of his dreams.
The thoughts I shared with him were about the ebook I’m writing on anger: how to deal with anger when you’re a highly sensitive person. The writing went well, my mind was crystal clear and that was exactly what I needed to fill the gaps. Now I realize I didn’t share my thoughts on workshops. Thoughts come and go like that. This morning I received two more sign-ups for a workshop I organized on emotion management for highly sensitive people in Utrecht. I was so happy that I started daydreaming instantly about organizing a workshop with a friend of mine. A friend who works as a psychologist and with whom I studied neuro linguistic programming. I saw myself having fun with her while brainstorming about different workshop topics.
At the moment she is super busy so I need to tame my enthusiasm. And that’s good, it’s good to keep my focus. Focus helps to finalize our current projects. Let’s stay calm and sparkle on this road called love.
‘You’ve got a heart as loud as lions. So why let your voice be tamed?’ ~ Emeli Sandé
One week ago I heard this song for the first time in the supermarkt. I was caught by it. It wasn’t the lyrics, somehow I didn’t hear the lyrics, I felt the music. I believe it was a mixture between pain and a sense of loss or being lost. Since I didn’t caught a line of the lyrics, I hoped to come across this song soon. A couple of days later, again in the supermarket, I stopped walking and listened carefully. This time I was able to look it up later at home. To my surprise I found out it was a song full of hope telling us to let our hearts speak out loud in stead of pain and a sense of loss. But then again these two go hand in hand. Hearing and using one’s true voice means truly letting go of the physical and emotional pain which was holding your voice back. This song is on ‘replay’ ever since I discovered it.
Recently I heard an amazing love story from a woman living closeby. Somehow my partner and I kept bumping up to her. She got to know us individually and later found out that we were a couple. Not long ago she walked up to the door of her flat and Arnold spotted her. I ran to the balcony and yelled her name. How are you and would you like to stop by at our place?
Keeping in mind that our talks only took place on the streets, in trams or in stores this was a very spontaneous action to get to know each other a little bit better. She stopped by for appelcake and tea. It was fun. She is a nice person. She told us about how she ended up with the man she is living with right now. When she was 12 she had a crush on him. No, she was in love with him. One glance of him would make her happy for the rest of the week. He was four years older than she was.
Twenty five years later they met each other on Hyves through a question game. (Dutch social network) She was curious after him; was he married? did he have children? or would he be single? After having answered many questions through this game he finally asked her in an indirect way if they could meet up. Over their first dinner together they could only stare at each other and both hardly had a bite of their dinner.
The little girl in her was still present when she told us that they are together for two years and exactly four months. She could never ever have dreamt that he would like her too. That he would fall for her, the guy who could make her dance on clouds with one glance. After having heard this story I knew this was one of the reasons why our walks have crossed so many times. This story had to be shared!
When I met Chungmei again for my first session, we hadn’t seen for years. One wonderful day I added her on Facebook and we got in touch again. The timing was a total coincidence, but it was about the right moment. Between us, there was a distance of 1000 kilometers which we covered easily via Skype. When I started to talk to her I quickly got caught by her positive energy, and her very open attitude towards life and the experiences of people.
To me, that felt like a memory of a long gone time. The negative thoughts were never that strong in me as now, as many annoying things had happened in my life. I think everyone feels down at one time or the other. But what if you feel that much down that you slowly start to forget about the positives, and how it feels to feel positively… I feel completely out of control to successfully organize my future, be it in job, career or partnership. That is the situation in which Chungmei has offered her help to me.
I am curious to see what she would do. I know she has a different approach towards helping people. A very positive one. One of the things she mentions very quickly during the talk is the spiral of negative emotions. “If you repeat an action it becomes true or manifest”, she says. And yes, I am aware how often I came back to the same negative thoughts, not helping me to change even a bit of my situation but finally just ending up in complaining about the conditions I am in. My coach listens to me a lot and gives suggestions what to do. I am kind of empty inside, so there should be a huge amount of space to be filled up. What really annoys me is a good question as it can help me to focus on the real cause to get over.
Chungmei suggests that I should emphasize my positive qualities and skills. I even get a homework for doing this! So I am writing down what comes into my mind, all the qualities I can think of! Slowly the paper is filling… I note down my values… fairness, tolerance, harmony… and surely I will forget some of them, or I won’t realize that some values and features of me are a good quality which can be very helpful in my personal or professional life. If I see them clearly they might become even more true. However, I have the strong impression that other people don’t see or realize it. Perhaps Chungmei might give me some idea in what way I can make them clearer to other people. And how better to use them in my life for myself, focusing on it and making me overcome all the hindrances I am facing now…
Dreaming at night takes you to places you visited, invented, a combination of both or to your own surprise you dream about images of people, places, situations and feelings unknown to you until now.
The dreaming I am referring to is DAYDREAMING! When was the last time you intentionally started daydreaming about your dreamlife? About the life you are possibly already are living, but in the daydream you added some finishing touches. Or daydreaming about the life you wish you were living? If you can’t remember, start now! As an ‘experienced’ dreamer I know from firsthand that dreams come true. If only you are willing to break down the barriers to start believing in the dream, but that’s another subject. Let’s go back to actively and playfully daydreaming about your life.
My ultimate dream
I would like to share my ultimate dream with you to give you an idea about how I go about this.
My dream has been the same for several years now. Even before I met my partner. It’s quite simple if I say so myself. I picture myself in and around a lovely house surrounded by a landscape comparable to Tuscany in Italy. I love the sea, so a combination of both would be awesome. With a large wooden table covered with fresh food, great wine, water and the seats are occupied by family and friends. All children are running and playing around this table and in the garden. Together we eat, talk, sing and play (music, games, sport and so on) with each other until the sun sets. During the day I work as in coaching people, give workshops, write and visit places to be inspired. Off course I am a working mom. This means I will divide my time between work and taking care of the children.
In a way I am already living my ultimate dream. Now, together with my partner we’re working towards our dreams. We are getting there and we keep on dreaming.
Start daydreaming now
I hope you feel inspired to start daydreaming more and more. Be careful that it doesn’t take you out of the workflow of day-to-day life. Stay conscious, but add some flavour to your current life with daydreaming. Let’s say the recipe is: a few times a day for at least 2 minutes! 😉
By Chungmei Cheng