I feel anxious and impatient about the house search

I am guiding highly talented people. They are highly sensitive and are in the process of fully embracing their sensitivity. It’s a shame most of them have a hard time acknowledging their talents. I am happy to help out guiding their emotional development. This week there was one lady in particular who experienced a major breakthrough during a coaching and rebirthing session.

Picture this: she is sitting on the couch and telling me they have to move again. It will be their third time in The Hague. She and her husband are expats. She didn’t smile, her facial expression was quite neutral. Since the previous weekend they started their house search together. After the weekend she continued the house search and set aside her own things: applying for jobs, an online course and being kind to herself as part of her path towards living from her talents. She didn’t look happy with her change of focus, but reassured me she was calm and positive towards finding a new home. I listened, took it in, but didn’t believe her.

When one is trapped in limiting beliefs and behaviour at some point you will feel trapped.

Instead of asking any further I invited her to lay down on the air mattress. Start breathing, start aligning with your body and soul. Start awakening your emotional body, because it will tell the truth.

When she was like 15 minutes in the conscious connected breathing she felt a huge pressure on her chest. It felt like an elephant stamping on her chest, she felt anxiety. She started sharing: I feel anxious and impatient about the house search. My husband is working full time and because of this I feel I need to do more, I feel like a 90% responsible whereas this could be a lot less if I would share more of my thoughts and feelings with my husband. It’s me, he is really nice and thoughtful and tells me to focus on my own things.

But I feel selfish if I would do so, focusing on my own things.

I stimulated her to pick up the conscious connected breathing. After 15 more minutes she felt lots of tension in her arms and hands. It hurt her. She asked if she could stop. Of course. And then, while feeling her body it sank in: that voice in her head, it’s not her own, it’s her mother’s voice telling her she is selfish. (and even more: that she needs a lot of attention, that she makes problems out of nothing, she is difficult)

From the moment she realised this, the tension slowly, but steadily left her arms and hands. She felt so relieved.

The coaching and rebirthing sessions I guide are both emotionally intense; it provided the space to process deep-rooted pain, and practical. This lady left the session with homework: involving her husband more in her world of thoughts and feelings regarding the house search, a good talk would do the work so she could focus and enjoy her own work again.

If you’re interested in an introduction session, click here for more information and to make an appointment. 

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Life Coaching: dominated by a parent’s critical voice

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Some people walk around through life dictated by a dominant voice. This could be a voice from their mother or father or even worse from both of them. The voice surfaces at critical moments in life. For example when you have just finished organizing your wardrobe. You feel slightly proud of yourself and happy to have done the work. You walk out the bedroom and suddenly a  voice appears which tells you to organize it even better. It wasn’t done properly, you should give it more time and start organizing your clothes again. That feeling of being proud and happy was vanished as soon as this voice appeared.

Many people I coach are being tortured by a voice which they have come to see as a part of their own identity. Recently a man in his fourties came into my practice. His life was negatively influenced by a sexual abuse incident when he was ten years old. He never once mentioned this experience to his parents nor bigger sister. He was indeed traumatized, but felt the need to keep it to himself. From then on he dealt with many fears towards men and woman. He wasn’t even sure about his sexuality. During our fourth session I guided him through an exercise in which he could feel and acknowledge the anger towards his abuser. I let him stamp his feet and move his whole body as how children show emotions with full strength and conviction.

During the next session he mentioned he still felt anger. Based on our talk it wasn’t the anger towards his abuser, but feeling frustrated, because he was held back by a voice who told him he couldn’t blame his abuser for everything he had experienced in life. Hmmm…that voice, it didn’t sound like his voice. Whose voice is this? I asked. The immediate answer came: ‘My mom’s voice. It’s the same voice who held me back during the releasing-the-anger exercise of last time. The voice who said ‘be careful now, don’t stamp to hard, otherwise you will ruin the floor of the coachingpractice’.

Even though his answer came immediate, quite intuitively, his power of reason was a bit slower. He was in tears, because up until this point he believed the voice was a part of him, of his character. The voice who would make sure he would do things the right and socially accepted way. He was confused; so he was angry at his mom and also disappointed and sad, because as a child he felt his parents and especially his mom couldn’t deal with his sexual abuse experience. That’s why he tried for decades to manage the inflicted pain and related fears and sadness by himself.

During this session he expressed his anger as a child towards his mom. While expressing the anger, again with stamping feet and wildly moving arms with his head bowed, the related sadness surfaced. Then he cried and screamed as a child who was in severe pain. Afterwards he sat down and tears rolled down his cheek. This time the tears came from a well of gratitude and love. The course of his life was already changing into the desired direction, but with processing these heavy-weighing emotions linked to saying goodbye to a voice no longer needed, his life even got a better perspective.

Would you be interested in a coaching session? Click here to read about the introduction session. For more information on Orchid of Life ~ Life Coaching, I invite you to visit my website, click here. 

Rebirthing: breathing towards positive changes in life

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Since rebirthing is a part of my life I started guiding conscious connected breathing sessions for an hour or I have combined it with other coachingtechniques. The results keep on amazing me. I am absolutely in awe of the deep rooted emotions to which I have been exposed: sadness, anger, guilt, disappointment, hatred and feelings of helplessness and powerlessness.

Imagine me holding the hand of a woman in her fourties for fifty minutes while she cries out the physical pains going through her body. All I need to do is soothe her by stroking her hand, shoulder and tell her she is allowed to cry. She may let her tears flow abundantly, she even may yell everything the hell out of her system. That yelling part didn’t go naturally, I guided her voice by letting myself hear so she would cross that border of feeling ashamed and allowing herself to let her voice be heard.

In this particular case we have focussed all sessions up until now (6 sessions) on doing the conscious connected breathing on the yogamat. Last time she was here she shared many positive changes in her life. Even though we don’t talk much during sessions it has had it’s positive effects like speaking up for herself, choosing for the things she wants to do, expressing her irritation, opening up to receive love and switching of the television so she could rest properly for another day of work.

Two of the most important successes for her would be being able to handle the panick attacks she suffers when she feels stressed without taking medicine. And secondly, she decided to reduce the amount of antidepressants she was taking. I am so proud of her; she is growing into the person she is, but didn’t feel. Since starting the rebirthing sessions she feels her body more and more and acts upon what her body and mind needs. She started to trust her body and mind again.

For more information on my work, visit my website Orchid of Life ~ Life Coaching. 

Parenthood: I want to go faster and higher

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Yesterday I had an interesting encounter with a lady from Romania and her daughter (4 years old). My daughter and I were playing at a playground in The Hague city centre. (Rabbijn Maarsenplein) As always my daughter found her playmate within seconds and it happened to be a lovely looking bright eyed girl. Before the two mums exchanged a word the girls were already communicating non-verbally and verbally. The verbal part was especially interesting. My daughter spoke to the girl in Dutch and the girl responded in English. But was English her first language? Over a conversation with the Romanian lady I found out that the girl chose English to be her first language!

The girl is growing up in a household where her mum speaks Romanian to her, her dad speaks Greek and her parents speak English with each other, because neither one speaks the partners language. The girl started speaking English when she was going to childcare and from there on she chose to speak English at home. As if three languages wasn’t enough already she is now even capable of communicating in French. From December last year she attends the French school in The Hague. Their motivation to get her admitted to the French school was a practical one. They were advised that the French education system is the same in every country they would travel to. And that they will travel is a certainty, because the girl’s father is working for the Greek embassy. In the midst of all changes they wanted to provide their daughter a stable and dependable education system. I’ve heard some horrifying stories about the French education system so I was curious after their experience.

The Romanian lady spoke about teachers reprimanding children who somehow disturbed the class. They would be set apart in another class for like ten minutes. She thought there wasn’t something wrong in their way of handling disobeying children. There were no horrifying stories shared here. Another story she did share was one regarding the primary school our daughter will start attending from September on. It’s the JFK Montessori school in The Hague. It is a remarkable story of a teacher who walked into a class where the children were talking loud and making lots of other noises. The parent who shared this story with the Romanian lady witnessed the teacher started singing in a soft voice and the children responded to this with lowering their voices and noises. Amazing!

I found it particularly interesting to listen to all these stories, because of her open attitude towards these two different education systems. She was happy with the French school and at the same time understanding and in awe of the way of teaching at a Montessori school. But there was a huge difference in the way our daughters thought and interacted with each other. On a basic human level they connected in a playful way and there was a continuous desire to interact and have fun. But then somehow when both girls were on the swing the girl told her mum to push her higher, because she wanted to go faster and higher than my daughter. While shaking her head slightly as if to say she’s not agreeing nor happy with this attitude, but nevertheless with a smile, she explained that her daughter is very competitive in every aspect of her life.

I have the feeling she didn’t link the competitiveness with the people that her daughter is surrounded with in school and the education she is receiving. But I’m not sure, perhaps she is aware of it and dealing with it in her own way. For now I believe they have other concerns; they will start packing for their move to Teheran this August where they will stay for two years before moving to Greece for two years. It seems that in between all this instability the French education system provides them the certainty they need and believe their child needs.

The way she sings this song

A couple of weeks ago I got to know Tamera Foster via X factor UK. Only 16 years old and she already knows what her true passion is. I have seen this performance many times, it touched me right in the heart, time after time. Actually it didn’t touch me; that would not describe in the least the impact of her performance. It literally pierced right into a wound which was still there, tears were running down my face, time after time. That’s why it took so long for me to blog about it.

This is what happened, while listening to her, her performance changed into a metaphor for life. I believe everyone has come to a point in life when a combination of fear and nerves has led to a black-out. In many cases it could have been a traumatic black-out which has limited one to act out of strength and love for oneself. When Tamera was going through this awful feeling of being lost she asked permission to step of the stage. Backstage she asked for help.

I am convinced that this is the most powerful thing you can do for yourself: asking for help. After having heard the specific words she needed to hear she went up the stage again; still blurried by tension, but from now on willpower carried her throughout the song. Now it was up to her. It carried her while still experiencing fear and tension during first half of the song. What moved me were the facial expressions of the jury: they supported her fully.

She did it, like I believe everyone can do! The moment when she was in sync with herself and everyone around her she was heard: her voice is amazing! I know she is blessed for knowing at such a young age that this is her life goal and she is going for it. Having found a vocation in life means also overcoming it’s hurdles to finally simply shine from your core being.

Before choosing this path she was lost, from the moment her voice was heard there is still work to do, but a fulfilling and rewarding life is awaiting her. A change is preceeded by a choice: choose for whatever makes you happy!

Keep calm and sparkle

sparkle

With so many things happening on the personal front we were continuously challenged on the work front. The past four years haven’t been easy with a burnout husband. Even though he still has this enormous headache we’re slowly crawling our ways up to a ‘normal’ living. A normal living would of course be when he is 100% healthy, but since we can’t plan the date of him being fully recovered, we do our best in our own pace.

We have dreams, big dreams. Dreams in which all of you are included. We strive for a healthy and happy living; mentally, physically and spiritually. Tonight at dinner he told me about someone who inspires him. Someone who trains people to get to know their true voice. He was impressed by his training method and thought he could do something similar; freeing people from their blockages. In his case it would be by moving. His thinking and brainstorming about the topic brought him to his moving core: his free flow capoeira method. A method which can make people of all ages enjoy moving, like they enjoyed moving when they were a child. Teaching people how to enjoy moving and playing around is only one of his dreams.

The thoughts I shared with him were about the ebook I’m writing on anger: how to deal with anger when you’re a highly sensitive person. The writing went well, my mind was crystal clear and that was exactly what I needed to fill the gaps. Now I realize I didn’t share my thoughts on workshops. Thoughts come and go like that. This morning I received two more sign-ups for a workshop I organized on emotion management for highly sensitive people in Utrecht. I was so happy that I started daydreaming instantly about organizing a workshop with a friend of mine. A friend who works as a psychologist and with whom I studied neuro linguistic programming. I saw myself having fun with her while brainstorming about different workshop topics.

At the moment she is super busy so I need to tame my enthusiasm. And that’s good, it’s good to keep my focus. Focus helps to finalize our current projects. Let’s stay calm and sparkle on this road called love.

You’ve got a heart as loud as lions

‘You’ve got a heart as loud as lions. So why let your voice be tamed?’ ~ Emeli Sandé

One week ago I heard this song for the first time in the supermarkt. I was caught by it. It wasn’t the lyrics, somehow I didn’t hear the lyrics, I felt the music. I believe it was a mixture between pain and a sense of loss or being lost. Since I didn’t caught a line of the lyrics, I hoped to come across this song soon. A couple of days later, again in the supermarket, I stopped walking and listened carefully. This time I was able to look it up later at home. To my surprise I found out it was a song full of hope telling us to let our hearts speak out loud in stead of pain and a sense of loss. But then again these two go hand in hand. Hearing and using one’s true voice means truly letting go of the physical and emotional pain which was holding your voice back. This song is on ‘replay’ ever since I discovered it.