I wish you enough

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I Wish You Enough

Recently I overheard a mother and daughter in their last moments together at the airport. They had announced the departure. Standing near the security gate, they hugged and the mother said, “I love you and I wish you enough”.

The daughter replied, “Mom, our life together has been more than enough. Your love is all I ever needed. I wish you enough, too, Mom”.
They kissed and the daughter left. The mother walked over to the window where I was seated. Standing there I could see she wanted and needed to cry. I tried not to intrude on her privacy but she welcomed me in by asking, “Did you ever say good-bye to someone knowing it would be forever?”

“Yes, I have,” I replied. “Forgive me for asking, but why is this a forever good-bye?”

“I am old and she lives so far away. I have challenges ahead and the reality is – the next trip back will be for my funeral,” she said.

“When you were saying good-bye, I heard you say, ‘I wish you enough’. May I ask what that means? “.

She began to smile. “That’s a wish that has been handed down from other generations. My parents used to say it to everyone”. She paused a moment and looked up as if trying to remember it in detail and she smiled! Even more. “When we said, ‘I wish you enough’, we were wanting the other person to have a life filled with just enough good things to sustain them”. Then turning toward me, she shared the following as if she were reciting it from memory.

I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright no matter how grey the day may appear.
I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun even more.

I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive and everlasting.

I wish you enough pain so that even the smallest of joys in life may appear bigger.

I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.

I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.

I wish you enough hellos to get you through the final good-bye.
She then began to cry and walked away.

They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them but then an entire life to forget them.

Source: a friend who posted this on Facebook.

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Life Coaching: being honest with yourself

I’ve spoken to a few men who have the wish to have children, but their partners weren’t ready for this. It seems kind of rare, but it happens. These men exists. Men who are fond of children and would like to raise their own. The question in this is if their partners will be ready at some point. Their feeling is they won’t be ready, but meanwhile they stick with their partners. It takes a lot of strength to go one’s own way and leave a relationship in which years were invested. Yes, there are good times shared, but a long-lasting healthy love relationship is based on common family goals. What do you both need and desire in this relationship? Ask yourself and then ask your partner. Start the conversation and after having shared your thoughts, decide in which direction you want to go together or by yourself.

Nail polish for toddlers. Why?

nailpolish

Yesterday our daughter turned 3. She is so happy to be 3. ‘I’m a big girl now,’ she says. Big girls go outside and play without their mommy and daddy, but with their friends. When we got back from doing groceries we passed by the house of a friend, this girl is one year older than she is. She wasn’t at the gallery so my daughter suggested to knock on her door. Purposefully I walked onwards to our house so she could ask her friend out by herself. The door opened, I turned my head and saw my daughter asking the mom of her friend if she could go out and play. I felt so proud. This morning she wanted to do the same, but hesitated. She turned around several times with an excuse like ‘mom, it has started to rain harder, you should come with me and knock on her door’. I didn’t feel like going so finally she stopped trying.

My daughter succeeded, the mom of her friend allowed her to go out and play. Within a few minutes both girls were standing in front of my doorstep, showing me their nails. Ooh, my god, I thought, her mom polished my daughter’s nails baby blue! I was shocked. The first thing I thought was ‘How could she? She should have asked me first!’ I calmed myself down, because my daughter looked at me with eyes full of hope and joy. She knows damn well what I think of nail polish. Her wish was fulfilled; a few months ago she asked for nail polish and she didn’t get it from us! Now she was walking around with baby blue finger nails. Several thoughts were swirling in my head. Another one of them was ‘her mom only wanted to be nice and give my daughter something’. So I decided to say nothing and let my daughter be happy. The next question was:  ‘I want to have my toe nails done as well’. I said ‘no’. Enough is enough, I thought.

My daughter is more a girly girl compared to myself. She likes necklaces, bracelets, rings, earrings and nail polish. I’m not bothered by jewelry and I’m not even wearing a watch. Oh, yeah, she likes watches too. Friends of mine do like jewelry so I believe my daughter developed her taste just by watching other people. The object ‘heels’ just popped up. My man thought of  buying her heels in her size as a birthday present. Heels??!!! She already has plastic heels which are far to big, but she is having fun with them. She didn’t got these from us. Highly irritated and surprised I disagreed with this idea. How come you thought of heels? ‘Well, I only crawled up in her head and from her view on life ‘heels’ were the first objects that came to my mind,’ he said.

We got her something she could take outside and play with. It’s a bar with a ring on one side and a wheel on the other side. One should put a foot in the ring, get the bar turning around your leg and jump across the bar with the other leg. Much better than heels. And I will buy nail polish remover as soon as possible. Come on, let’s play as long as we can and be indifferent towards how we look. Especially how we can look more beautiful with all kinds of accessories in stead of shining from within and be happy with how we look in our most natural form.

After I posted the above a friend of my reacted with a few lines of Kahlil Gibran:

About Children”You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

She also commented on my story by sharing that she believes it’s the most natural thing a child does: looking around, being curious and feeling the urge to imitate it in their own way. I read these lines of Kahlil Gibran before and I totally agreed with his thoughts. More so his lines and her comment left me wondering. It even got me talking to my partner. Am I stopping her of being who she is? A person with her own thoughts? The conversation helped me to verbalize my feelings towards the incident in more detail. As parents we are doing whatever we can to let her be who she is. Nonetheless in some situations, like this one, I have a strong urge to share my thoughts on nail polish, because I’m allergic to a world in which a lot of things are influenced by appearance. To keep up this appearance people use all kinds of stuff to show others who they want to be in stead of who they are. Anyhow, my daughter is still not aware of this concept so in her case she likes nail polish, because of the colors. But she is still a child who puts her fingers in her mouth (that young) so why let her wear nail polish even though it’s fun.

Another element of the concept of putting more emphasis on appearance is that it goes along with fake stuff. Fake eye lashes, hair extensions and so on. In the case of nail polish; it contains a lot of chemicals which no one should get in their bodies. I know non-toxic nail polish exists for toddlers, but this is really where I draw my line; I associate these products with the big fake world some people are creating for themselves. Therefore I keep my point of view on nail polish for toddlers. For this once she has enjoyed the look of her baby blue finger nails. But we won’t encourage wearing nail polish by buying it for her. But of course, when she’s older, it’s her choice if she wants to wear nail polish.

Synchronicity: Our paths crossed

Remember this story ‘An explosion of thoughts: acting out of Fear or Love?’ Well yesterday we were invited by a good friend to eat sushi at Shabu Shabu. After our lovely lunch we decided to take a stroll around the Hague; Prinsestraat, Noordeinde, Lange Voorhout, Denneweg, Kazernestraat, Kneuterdijk and finally we took a seat at the Lange Vijverberg.

Starting out walk in de Prinsestraat we walked up to this couple with buggy and what do you reckon? Yes, it was the couple I wrote about in the previous blog!! Our paths crossed. So soon. My wish came true. It was my chance to say ‘hi, how are you and bye’. I started tapping Arnold on his shoulder and said enthusiastically ‘There they are, there they are!!’ Before I could think ‘thoughts-fueled-by-fear’ I said ‘hello you guys’. As visualized a couple of days ago we had a little chitchat and we walked away from each other to pursuit our own ways.

With this encounter our amazing half rainy half sunny afternoon started. It was like going to a party where you see people you haven’t seen in ages. You stop, chitchat, laugh and move on.

Did you find peace of mind?

“Did you find peace of mind?”, one of the participants during the training ‘A Fun Filled Life’ given on the 4th of November asked me this question. My answer was a whole heartedly ‘yes’. Yes, I found peace of mind after the birth of our daughter. Her presence brings us (me and my partner) back to the basics of life. I simply can not stress myself, because the attention has swifted from my wishes and ambitions to taking care of her. Of course I do have my ambitions, but I reach for them in a slower, more thoughtful pace. Yes, in other words, with peace of mind!!

And what is your story? Have you found peace of mind?

Flow of my Life

2004 in Dusseldorf, Germany

For a period of three weeks my life was filled with synchronic moments. Moment after moment I was flabbergasted. Why should I be flabbergasted? I am living the life I want. Following my heart, living together with the love of my life, healthy and fortunate. Off course these things will happen to me. That’s what the Course of Miracles, the Secret and Synchronic living of Deepak Chopra teaches us.

And why am I still slightly shocked when my whishes and thoughts come true? One word: magic! It’s magical to me. Living such a light life in which everything I want to enhance my life and the life of others crosses my path. I feel like a child discovering something new.

There were a few wishes from my side:
– Reconnect with Chinese people ( I have a Chinese background)
– I wanted to have some publicity for Orchid of Life
– Thought about Chris, didn’t see him for a long time and wished to just meet him at some random place in stead of mailing or phoning

27th of May: someone on Twitter starts following me. I discover that we are already connected by two people and that we were at the same event in 2007.

31st of May: a long time Chinese friend of mine who I met 8 years ago came back into my life. She is working as a writer for CRTV magazine and was googling on mixed relationships and ended up at the Orchid of Life site. After having seen my picture on the site, she was drawn to the picture for the second time. And there it was, the image struck her. She met me before through a mutual friend. One wish came true. She will mention my work in the article that she is going to write for the August edition of CRTV magazine. Through this meeting I have been invited by the chairman of CRTV to feature in their radio show. Great!

4th of June: From April till the end of June I worked for the Dutch Waterway Authority as a Communication Advisor. What happenend? After two months I was recognized by someone working at the recruitment agency. The same person with whom I shaked hands the first time I entered the building. We met each other in 2007 in the train, both heading to a course concerning personal development.

8th of June: a contact of the college where I studied mails me to ask if I want to be mentioned in a magazine for the parents of their students. Yes, off course! I will be mentioned with my LifeCoachingpractice.

13th of June: and the moments continue. Remember my wish concerning seeing Chris again. He is a long time friend whom I met in 1999. I wanted to just come across him. One week after my wish I came across him at the Biological supermarket in the Hague centre. Out of a deeply felt enthusiasm and laughter I shouted at him: Chris, long time no see!

Miracles can happen when you start following your heart and do good for yourself and for others and the world in which we live in.