HSP coaching: longing for a positive change

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Photo by Hans Jongman

The one phrase which reflects my work as a life coach and rebirther for highly sensitive people is ‘I felt self-love from within’. This phrase came from a highly sensitive and creative lady who is in her thirties. After her first rebirthing session she repeatedly shared how amazed she was by what she felt in her body. Just before this amazing feeling in her belly which she described as a feeling of fullness and happiness, she felt tension flowing out of her body through her arms.

She could make a clear distinction between this feeling of self-love from within and the self-love she formerly knew as thoughts and actions directed by her head. This was way better. She felt her inner child on her chest telling her all sorts of happy things like ‘Yeah, finally!’ and ‘What shall we do after this session’. Her inner child was quite content and super happy she broke through her fear and anger.

The voice of her inner child had a counter voice which she felt at the upper right side of her head. This voice was like ‘No way, this can’t be it’ and ‘You’re not there yet’. In daily life she is held back by this critical voice, this voice was loaded by negative comments and limiting thoughts and fuelled by fear, lots of fear. She is taking decisions out of fear. One of the reason she came to me was that she had enough of this fear.

It was time for fear to get the hell out of her system, out of her head, her body, especially her head.

She is longing for a positive change. She wants to embrace her sensitivity fully. She wants to feel more energy. She wants to finally attract a life partner who fits her life and needs.

I have the exact recipe for her to follow. After years of seeing psychologists, undergoing different therapies and acting studies she has come to the point to process deep-rooted fears, anger and sadness. She has always felt different. She wasn’t heard as a child. She was criticised by a parent. The recipe is to express the pain which her body and mind have hold onto for so long.

Fear is longing to be embraced by unconditional love.
The tears of her inner child are waiting to be shed.

With this first session she has peaked through the door towards the life she desires to live. It takes a huge amount of effort, energy and courage to walk this path, but it is worth it, all the way.

Are you interested in finding out what life coaching and rebirthing can bring you, I invite you to make an appointment for an introduction session, either in my coaching practice in The Hague or via video skype. Click here to read more about the introduction session. 

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Life Coaching: looking back on 2015

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In this blog I will answer some questions to reflect on my work and development as a life coach in 2015.

How have you lived and worked in alignment with your values and vision?

Keyword I had chosen for 2015 was simply to “be”. It sounds simple, but I believe for many people it’s life biggest personal challenge to just be who you are, including for myself. As a life coach this year has been a year full of amazing emotional growth for myself, my partner and all the people I have coached. In alignment of my vision I have started giving lectures on high sensitivity. I kicked the first one of in May in The Hague and received 22 participants.

My vision is that the world will be a gentler, nicer and more fun place to live in when more and more people come to appreciate their sensitivity in stead of surpressing or neglecting it. High sensitive people have many talents, but feel quite overruled by a dominant society with high expectations. With these lectures I have shared the challenges highly sensitive people face on the workfloor and in personal relationships. Only by sharing stories of the highly sensitive people I have coached I got feedbacked that people feel supported and understood. They even experienced the lecture as uplifting, yes, of course there are ways to feel empowered to do just that what you most desire in life.

I have been working as a life coach for 12 years and I have always worked in alignment of my values. People hire me to guide them with their emotional development and in the Netherlands it’s quite unusual to invest in hiring a life coach. First option would be a psychologist. This has much to do with the costs and how my guidance isn’t covered by insurance. However I have seen my coachingpractice growing, especially people who have had sessions with a psychologist or psychotherapist found my practice and have undergone many positive changes.

One of my core values as a coach and human being is to give my best, every second that the people are in my coachingpractice. I coach with genuine interest and empathy putting their matters of the heart on the front line. My open and genuine attitide feeds the coaching relationship in which the coachee is able to blossom and let go of limiting thoughts and emotions. I have noticed that I attract more people who turn to my guidance even before turning to a psychologist. I find this positive in many ways. One of them is that people take the lead in health care; they choose their type of guidance in stead of being controlled by society and insurance policy.

What were your most valuable learnings or take-aways? My most valuable learnings were the following:

When you process anger and sadness one is able to feel loving and compassionate again by forgiving the person who angered you, but also to forgive yourself for being too hard on yourself or for not having done the right thing. This doesn’t mean the wrecked relationship will be renewded again; it means that you won’t have to go through life with resentment towards this relationship. But it is also possible to put loving energy in the relationship to see it change for the better. It all depends on how you feel.

I’ve started to use rebirthing in my coaching practice. Through this breathing technique I’ve learned a lot about how body, mind and energy works. It’s a simple technique which leads to magnificent results. People are able to free themselves from negative emotions and physical pains. People will start to feel clear-minded, strong and flexible in the body and emotional more stable.

Another valuable learning was the power of sharing my vision and mission. It empowered me to think about the high sensitivity knowledge I’ve gained throughout the years. Many people who follow my work feel supported and empowered to accept themselves fully as high sensitive people.

Where did you show self-compassion, courage, and commitment (especially in the face of challenge)?

The most challenging work I’ve done which showed self-compassion, courage and commitment was to let myself be healed by rebirthing and to be of support and guidance for my husband who has been suffering a headache for six years. It takes a lot of patience and resilience to keep out heads up. On the other hand we don’t have a choice; it’s either doing nothing which won’t change anything or putting all of our energy in getting healthy.

How did you surprise yourself?

While I was pregnant I’ve worked all the way. I had much more energy compared to my first pregnancy. I’ve only felt off-beat the first three months, afterwards hormones regulated and I could eat whatever I wanted and felt lots of energy and motivation to work.

What impact (big or small) have you made through your work?

I’ve made people express their anger, sadness, hatred, disappointment, powerlessness and helplessness to process their trauma’s such as sexual abuse, dominanting relationships with parents, divorce, being surpressed my negative emotions of family and break-ups of love relationships. After having expressed these emotions they felt empowered again, they felt empty at first, but slowly it gave them the energy to take better care for themselves, acknowledge their talents and live the life they want.

For more information on my work, I invite you to visit my website Orchid of Life ~ Life Coaching. 

Rebirthing: breathing towards positive changes in life

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Since rebirthing is a part of my life I started guiding conscious connected breathing sessions for an hour or I have combined it with other coachingtechniques. The results keep on amazing me. I am absolutely in awe of the deep rooted emotions to which I have been exposed: sadness, anger, guilt, disappointment, hatred and feelings of helplessness and powerlessness.

Imagine me holding the hand of a woman in her fourties for fifty minutes while she cries out the physical pains going through her body. All I need to do is soothe her by stroking her hand, shoulder and tell her she is allowed to cry. She may let her tears flow abundantly, she even may yell everything the hell out of her system. That yelling part didn’t go naturally, I guided her voice by letting myself hear so she would cross that border of feeling ashamed and allowing herself to let her voice be heard.

In this particular case we have focussed all sessions up until now (6 sessions) on doing the conscious connected breathing on the yogamat. Last time she was here she shared many positive changes in her life. Even though we don’t talk much during sessions it has had it’s positive effects like speaking up for herself, choosing for the things she wants to do, expressing her irritation, opening up to receive love and switching of the television so she could rest properly for another day of work.

Two of the most important successes for her would be being able to handle the panick attacks she suffers when she feels stressed without taking medicine. And secondly, she decided to reduce the amount of antidepressants she was taking. I am so proud of her; she is growing into the person she is, but didn’t feel. Since starting the rebirthing sessions she feels her body more and more and acts upon what her body and mind needs. She started to trust her body and mind again.

For more information on my work, visit my website Orchid of Life ~ Life Coaching. 

Life Coaching: powerful positive emotional changes

Tuscan Lily

I’ve had another morning filled with powerful positive emotional changes. Acknowledging and channeling anger towards the right person frees body, mind and soul. I have known this for quite some time now, but still I am in awe when the people in front of me change into the person they truly are.

The first step in acknowleding who you are is to fully accept all of the emotions which the mind has been resisting for a long time. Depending on the person I guide the first few sessions will be focussed on mental coaching before starting the physical work. Some people have been living from out of their heads for as long as they remember which means they rationalize everthing. This limits the body to feel. Therefore these sessions are focussed on aligning the mind with the body. In my view and also based on the feedback of the coachees the mind has a need to understand first in order to feel safe to express their emotions.

On the other hand I have seen people who feel safe at the beginning. From the moment they cross my doorstep, walk into the coachingpractice and sit down, they feel comfortable to show their emotions within a few minutes. Their trust and openess allows me to guide them through coaching techniques which helps them feel even more. The goal is to change unwanted emotions such as sadness, anger, resentment, disappointment, hatred into positive emotions. This won’t change overnight, read with one coaching technique, but every coaching technique allong the way brings the coachee closer to letting go of limiting thoughts and emotions.

This morning I guided and witnessed a man in his fourties stamping his feet, fighting with his arms and screaming out anger, disappointment and sadness with a loud and harsh voice. Afterwards he burst into tears. His inner child expressed sadness which was suppressed for decades. The anger was directed to his mother. After the standing exercise he sat down and tears were still running down his face. These tears were telling another story; the story of feeling grateful and joyful that his life was about to start. He felt inner peace on his chest. This was his fifth session.

I am enormously grateful to be able to do this work. Guiding people towards a life which they can live from the core of their heart is a satisfactory job.

For more information on my work, visit my website Orchid of Life ~ Life Coaching. 

Rebirthing: break through limiting patterns by breathwork

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Nowadays I am a big fan of rebirthing. This doesn’t mean that I am not using the coaching techniques anymore which I have been practising for more than ten years. I am referring to counselling, Neuro Linguistic Programming, Social Panorama and provocative coaching. These coaching techniques come in handy in combination with rebirthing. These techniques are especially helpful in my experience, because I use them to create a bridge towards a mind and body open for everything which might surface while doing the conscious connected breathing.

This week a thirthy something woman came in for her second session and she was dead-scared to be laying down on a yoga mat to do rebirthing. I had a feeling she was coping with several emotions towards the guidance, because of her e-mail. In her e-mail she only shared that she was reluctant to come to the session. Nevertheless she would come, because she wanted to break through her limiting thinking and behavioral patterns. Even though her motivation to undergo the emotional process was intrinsic I needed her trust.

In order to gain her trust I let her speak about her fears. Because she experiences several physical pains in neck, shoulder and hip area, she was afraid to be feeling lots of commotion in those areas. Apart from being dead-scared to be facing other heavy emotions. I reassured her that her body and mind would only allow her to feel and think exactly what she would be able to handle in her state of condition. That’s a part of the magic of the conscious connected breathing. The body smarter than one would think it is.

I started out with the technique called Social Panorama. While undergoing this exercise she was able to feel a set of limiting emotions regarding a beloved one. Emotions such as sadness and fear. A fear which is quite common and lots of people suffer from is the fear of rejection. This fear of rejection once created in contact with a beloved one can be a real threat to one’s mental and physical health. This is because the fear will lead it’s own life if not tackled before by expressing the underlying sadness and pain. The life it will lead can be mirrored to the person suffering from it in professional and personal relationships such as relationships with colleagues, family, friends and partners.

From the moment you realize that you have fallen into a negative circle of life occurrences and that you don’t want a repeat of this, than you are ready for life coaching. I am not saying it’s easy, but it all starts with the decision that you want it different, better and positive. In the end that’s what you deserve, that’s what we all deserve; to lead a happy, joyful and creative life in which we are able to share our happiness and talents.

If you’re interested in a life coaching session, first option would be an introduction session in my coaching practice in The Hague. Here you can read more about the introduction session…

Rebirthing: clearing emotional blocks in body and mind

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Rebirthing is a simple breathing technique that can transform your body, mind, spirit, as well as your perception of who you were, who you are, and who you will be. It releases emotional, mental and physical patterns; creates joy and aliveness in the body; and gives the client a feeling of empowerment and self-control, and creates energetic relaxation. The breathwork process releases the emotional, negative charge out of cell memory. The process causes integration of unresolved emotional, physical, mental and spiritual energies.  The primary result is an experience of clarity at a very core level. The process empowers a person into choice and out of victimhood.

Rebirthing is also reffered to as Conscious Connected Breathing (CCB). CCB goes as follows: while breathing we connect inhalation with exhalation and exhalation with inhalation, in doing so we create a circular motion of breath. Rebirthing is not a mind therapy, it works on an emotional level. Different people react in different ways. The conscious connected breathing releases built up tensions in your body.

Often people who come to me have been in therapy for many years. Therapy is great, it’s great to realize where your blocks are, it’s great to be able to pinpoint them. But no matter how much you realize, you understand, accept, and rationalize, the blocks are still there.

Blocks exist on deep emotional levels, they are often carried in the heart center, in the throat (communication) center, perhaps in the stomach (emotions) center. Rebirthing is a powerful technique used to clear blocks. In a rebirthing session, which lasts about 1 1/4 hour, you have the opportunity to clear completely all the negative patterns that you’ve built up over years; the fear of not feeling good enough, the destructive patterns, the behaviors that you’ve built up over time.

Your body and mind were like a sponge and finally they experience the opportunity to clear and release everything. You literally awaken the body by conscious connected breathing, all psysical reactions built up in the body and mind caused by trauma find a way out. You will be able to express emotions and tensions during the session and in doing so you grow on an emotional level. You will regain your inner strength; the place where joy, abundance and unconditional love resides.

You will see a most distinctive difference. How does it manifest? With feeling of freedom, security, the loss of fear, pain, the real determination, the knowledge that you are going to get through anything and everything, a new peace within yourself, a new hope, feelings of being in control, in touch with the powerful part of yourself, and most certainly increased awareness of creativity and sensitivity.

In case you’re interested in a rebirthing session I invite you to my website for more information about my work: Orchid of Life ~ Life Coaching 

Rebirthing: using life energy to regain health

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Rebirthing is a simple breathing technique that can transform your body, mind, spirit, as well as your perception of who you were, who you are, and who you will be. It releases emotional, mental and physical patterns; creates joy and aliveness in the body; and gives the client a feeling of empowerment and self-control, and creates energetic relaxation. The breath work process releases the emotional, negative charge out of cell memory. The process causes integration of unresolved emotional, physical, mental and spiritual energies.  The primary result is an experience of clarity at a very core level. The process empowers a person into choice and out of victimhood.

Rebirthing is also reffered to as Conscious Connected Breathing (CCB). CCB goes as follows: while breathing we connect inhalation with exhalation and exhalation with inhalation, in doing so we create a circular motion of breath. While inhaling we inhale life energy. We need life energy to feed our cells and soul. Rebirthing is not a mind therapy, it works on an emotional level. Different people react in different ways. The conscious connected breathing releases built up tensions in your body.

Think of psychical reactions such as: feeling cold or the opposite; super hot like fire, sweaty hands, pressure on the forehead, tension in the throat, chest or stomach center, a tingling sensation in arms, legs, face or just about everywhere, itching and the sensation of wanting to curl your feet up or move your knees from side to side. Along with the psychical reactions different emotions may surface: sadness, anger, fear, guilt, loneliness and so on. It does not matter how you react, what matters is that the process works and works very quickly and thoroughly.

Releasing physical reactions of the body which are related to trauma will help you regain your health. I’ve guided people who were used to living with physical pains, depression, lots of stress, breathing problems such as asthma and hyperventilation or were either abusing themselves by overeating, drinking problems, smoking.

After the session

The breathing work takes you to a place in which you can work and feel through emotions on a subconscious level. At the same time I make sure you’re still here with me, we communicate in a way which supports your emotional growth. You will feel trust and strength to move on breathing, because it’s the way to emotional freedom. You do not leave the session without being totally back in the here and now. You won’t feel disconnected or spaced out in any way. I always recommend that people do whatever feels right for them, that they pamper, indulge, and look after the inner child, because it is your emotional self who has expressed deep rooted emotions. That night, and perhaps over the next three days, you may have interesting dreams, things that come up from the past, past memories. It’s helpful to write these down for the follow up session.

Within seven to ten days, everything has settled. You should then be totally able to know how you were before the rebirthing experience and how you are afterwards, and you will see a most distinctive difference. How does it manifest? With feeling of freedom, security, the loss of fear, pain, the real determination, the knowledge that you are going to get through anything and everything, a new peace within yourself, a new hope, feelings of being in control, in touch with the powerful part of yourself, and most certainly increased awareness of creativity and sensitivity.

In case you’re interested in a rebirthing session I invite you to my website for more information about my work: Orchid of Life ~ Life Coaching